


An Arrangement

by Archerdiana



Category: InuYasha - A Feudal Fairy Tale
Genre: Alternate Universe, Angst, Arranged Marriage, Cannibalism, Consensual, Darkfic, Everyone lies, F/M, Fluff, Horror, Lovers To Enemies, Marriage of Convenience, Morally Grey, Mystery, Set in the 90s, Thriller, Unreliable Narrator, marriage pact, they're not good people
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-10-16
Updated: 2020-03-31
Packaged: 2020-12-17 11:43:09
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 19
Words: 59,276
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21053837
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Archerdiana/pseuds/Archerdiana
Summary: When Kagome's life goes up in flames she agrees to an arranged marriage, realizing the chances of them both having skeletons in their closets are quite slim.But bones threaten to spill out over her shiny new life at any moment, and leave a trail to somewhere unexpected.





	1. Opportunity

> Mainichi Shimbun. April 2nd 1996
> 
> _HIGURASHI SHRINE FIRE: GAS LEAK KILLS 8._
> 
> _At least 8 people died and two are injured after the shrine and martial arts studio caught fire due to a gas leak in the Setagaya district. The district's fire department has confirmed facilities were not prepared for an emergency. Fire spread briefly to neighboring buildings before being contained._
> 
> _Owners of the martial art studio and their youngest son perished in the fire. Relatives of the victims are taking legal action against the remainder of the Higurashi family._

August 21st 1996

The summer was at its peak and the streets of Tokyo were sweltering hot. Kagome felt overwhelmed by the heat, the upbeat music from the shops, the bright colors on people's clothes. She wanted really badly to scurry away to a dark, quiet room. Her aunt Akari was walking two yards ahead of her with dauntless resolve, unaffected by the heat.

They turned a corner and where suddenly submerged in a wave of salarymen in monotonous suits pouring out of the nearest subway exit. To close the distance between them she practically had to elbow a few of them aside. "I don't see the point in going. My dad had no lawyer friends." She hissed, trying to keep her voice down.

Akari clucked her tongue. "The man offered to represent you pro bono, and that’s exactly what you can afford right now: not a cent.” Aunt Akari responded, her cheery tone clashing with her words. A few days prior a man called, saying he was an old friend of the Higurashi and would like to help Kagome. She hadn't been home at the moment, else she might have called it a scam. Instead Aunt Akari had happily set an appointment at the address he'd given.

After the fire Akari had taken Kagome in. She was her mother's youngest sister, a divorcee who hadn't gotten along with her sister, but was determined to help her niece. And Kagome needed all the help she could get. Instead of a college graduation and job interviews She had a funeral and visits to the courthouse. Akari was determined to help the girl weather the loss of her home and family. But that required her having a will to live, and Akari sometimes doubted her niece still had that.

Then there were the legal issues. Five students had lost their lives in the fire -youths who had merely gone for a class that day. The families were seeking a settlement, claiming the facilities were faulty and the Higurashi negligent. Kagome hadn't once spoken up at the families accusations, merely bowing and accepting blame. She felt responsible for it, and the guilt was eating her away. ‘But so are the lawyers’ Akari thought. The girl would be left penniless if she let them have their way.

“Ah, we’re here.” Akari said, stopping at the entrance to a plain nondescript building. “Good afternoon! We have an appointment in the fifth floor.” Akari announced confidently to the concierge.

The women were ushered into a small meeting room to wait. It wasn’t long before a man opened the door, introduced himself as Taisho Sesshomaru and began his explanation. He wasn’t a friend of Higurashi Kenta, rather, their families had been amicable. Kagome’s great grandfather, Higurashi Tatsuki, had been a close friend of his great grandfather, Taisho Touga. What was more, Tatsuki had cured him from a deadly disease, earning the Taisho’s eternal gratitude.

Kagome listened, and tried really hard not to stare. Because Taisho was an albino, with skin white as porcelain and hair whiter still. Most unsettling of all were his eyes, golden as a panther’s.

“That’s really nice to hear, Taisho san. My grandfather always said we come from a line of healers.” Kagome said politely, noticing he was waiting for an answer. “Your offer to represent me is very kind. However, I had reached an agreement already. I will consider it and get back to you.” She concluded and began to stand.

“We are very grateful, Taisho san” Akari emphasized, trying to maintain good graces even if she had been thrown off by her niece’s answer.

“There is one more thing.” Taisho declared in the dispassionate voice he’d used the whole time. He opened the folder he’d been carrying since entering the room and handed the contents to Akari. His gaze bore on Kagome, both searching and evaluating. She felt a strange animosity growing inside her, even as nervousness made her stomach feel hollow.

Akari gasped, and the spell was broken. Kagome turned to find her examining the piece of paper front and back, incredulous of its existence. “Taisho san, I...this can't be…” She looked at Kagome, at the paper, and once again at Taisho before handing the paper over to her niece. As she read it twice, slowly, the clock ticked over their uneasy silence.

“...It’s a marriage contract for Tatsuki’s firstborn daughter and the male heir of Taisho Touga. And from 1887.” She paused, trying to think of something to say. “This is very interesting as well. Are you...her descendant?” She ventured.

“Dear, I don’t think your grandfather had a sister. Or daughters.” Aunt Akari reminded her niece. Kagome looked at her puzzled. “The contract remains unfulfilled: you are the first daughter born in Tatsuki’s line.” She contributed.

At this Kagome’s brain went into panicked hyper action. She was, in fact, the first Higurashi daughter in many generations. If this man had presented the contract he must be the Taisho heir. The rest was an impossibility. The mere thought of a century-old contract involving her, after the horror of the last months was outrageous. Laughable.

‘An arranged marriage.’ Kagome screamed inside her head. “That’s just crazy.” She said aloud.

Akari gave her an admonishing look; then she turned to Taisho, all sweetness and smiles again. “We appreciate this show of sincerity, Taisho san. Kagome will fulfill her end of the deal if you will. Of course, I-”

“No, you don’t get to decide over this, aunt. You’re not Higurashi and even if you were, this is nonsense. We don’t even know each other.” Kagome asserted. She tried to gauge Taisho for a reaction, any sign of complaint, but he just looked at her unimpressed.

“You’re right,” Akari said, forcing her tone into softness. “I’m not Higurashi. You are, and the last one, I might add. Here you have a chance at following your family’s legacy. Consider that. You should go visit your parents’ graves this sunday- if Taisho san is available of course. And there you can decide if you want to break a hundred year old contract over a matter as simple as getting to know each other.”

The sting of her words held Kagome back. Breathless, she watched as Taisho gave a non committal agreement to visit the grave. She barely managed a curt bow when he said goodbye. Only once back in the torrid street she finally regained her senses.

“I don’t appreciate you bringing my parents’ grave into this.” She said, resentment palpable in her voice. “Besides, we don’t know who the man is. And he looks so strange.” She couldn’t help but adding.

Akari looked at her nonchalantly from the corner of her eye and approached a nearby newsstand. “First of all, you were raised better than to judge people on their appearance.The man was born with that coloring, it’s not really his fault. Besides, I found him quite handsome.” She grabbed the morning edition newspaper and flipped a few pages.

“Secondly, I wouldn’t have done that unless I thought you were making a mistake. Perhaps you didn’t notice the name of the law firm, but they’re one of the four biggest in the country. And that man is the youngest junior associate.” She triunfally extended an open spread towards Kagome. There was a picture on the page about the trial of some corporation lawsuit. She didn’t need to point him out; Taisho’s white head stood out between the group of businessmen. “You should consider at least one of his offers.”

Akari went back to work and Kagome to the one bedroom apartment she now shared with her aunt. It felt particularly stuffy. She changed out of the borrowed formal clothes in desperate movements. Her t-shirt snagged on her nape as she put it on, sticky with sweat. She hurried down the stairs, and as soon as her sneakers hit the pavement outside, Kagome dashed. Her route was forty minutes of walking, thirty if she hurried.

She’d bought only the most necessary clothes after the fire, mostly workout gear that she could afford. The microfiber pants were not her style and a tad short on her long legs. The whisper of the fabric rubbing at every step was annoying, and she tried to focus on anything else. She looked around. It was only a sleepy side street, but the aftermath of the recession was clear even there. Rows upon rows of shops gone out of business lined the way. Only a few chain stores here and there survived. Kagome saw no less than three entire office buildings that looked completely abandoned before turning a corner and going up a small path.

She felt the tingle of anxiety in her stomach. She’d graduated just that year with excellent marks; but that mattered little in a recession. All across the country unemployment was at the highest in years, and only a handful of her friends had secured long term employment. ‘I might take him up on his offer and become a housewife out of necessity’ she thought bitterly, eyes glazed over.

Someone behind her gave her a light push right under the scapula and it was enough to throw her off balance. “Nice to see you Sango.” Kagome said sarcastically from the floor.

Sango leaned on a parked blue sedan and looked down at her. “Unaware of your surroundings, bad balance and bad attitude.” She remarked dryly. “You’re not getting better.”

“Good afternoon Kagome. Welcome back.” A young man in his late teens greeted Kagome from the open gate in the enclosure to their right. Kagome waved at him tensely and followed inside. Sango walked behind and locked the gate after them.

At the other side was a large yard with some ten people, divided in smaller groups, training. A small shrine and altar lied at the center, and to the back a house and storage. It was the headquarters of the Taijiya, and despite being on friendly terms, Kagome was never at ease there. Like the Higurashi, they came from a line of youkai exterminators. Where her family had focused on spiritual practice, the Taijiya fixated on physical combat.

“You can train all you want, but it’s no use if you’re not listening to the feedback.” Sango pointed out as she came to stand next to her brother.

“I’ll try to be more defensive as I walked.” Kagome replied, trying to be conciliatory. ‘Really, what is up with this girl?’ she thought frustrated. Sango was around Kagome’s age or older; about an inch shorter, and hell bent on being the toughest teacher to her students.

Kohaku tried to hide his chuckle of amusement. The resemblance between the siblings was uncanny, although he was calm and cool headed whereas Sango tended to stubborness. “I’ll take over Kagome’s lesson today.” He informed his sister. Sango waved and walked away bored. He was younger than her, twenty one at most, but his father was training him as leader, not Sango -maybe the reason for the girl’s desire to prove herself. They headed to the mats and went over a few attacks.

Not an hour later Kagome was covered in sweat and breathless, but her mind was clear. Kohaku waited as she collected herself. A few tendrils escaped his short ponytail, but that’s about all he had to show after wrestling for an hour.

“I felt a big aura today. Enormous actually.” He confided in her. “But then it just…vanished.” He was staring into space, and he stretched out his arm as if reaching for it. He let his hand drop to his side and chuckled at himself. “It doesn’t make much sense. Did you feel anything?”

Kagome shook her head. “You sister is right, I’m not very aware of my surroundings.” She admitted with a tight lipped smile. “Besides, you know I’m blocked spiritually since the fire. I can hardly meditate.”

“Work on it. We need a miko on our side.” Kohaku gave her a reassuring pat on the shoulder. “Lately, youkai are stirring all around.” He noted.

Kagome fixed a polite expression on her face. Growing up Higurashi, she’d learnt all the drivel about youkai hidden among humankind. Of spells to bind them, of killing them off quickly, and of its many trinkets and baubles. There was value in it as a tradition, but the rest was nonsense. It was no use discussing that with Kohaku, so she excused herself and went to join Sango’s drill, hellish as it might be. She was exhausted by the end of it, and a big blue bruise was forming on her arm. She ran home to get there before her aunt.

  


August 25th 1996

The days after Taisho’s visit were a different sort of living hell for Kagome at home. Akari pestered her with tidbits about Taisho, about the success of arranged marriages and beauty treatments she should try.

Come sunday, Kagome found herself dressed in her aunt’s black skirt suit and a rather formal coiffure. She felt stuffy, and older, and unprepared. If Akari sensed her uneasiness that didn’t stop her from lecturing Kagome on how to make a good impression while she applied some make up on her.

Finally she had enough. “Don’t you think if he was such a catch he’d have a wife already? A man in his late thirties should be married already. He’s probably an insufferable prick.”

At this her aunt stopped her artful application of makeup, rolled her eyes up to the right and considered. “I think he wouldn't marry the kind of woman he dates. So a prick, yes. But now he wants to settle down.”

Kagome scoffed and then bit her lip, anxious again. “Auntie I…” she felt a knot at her throat, and impossibly, more tears, “I’ll work to pay you rent. Going after this guy is humiliating. I won’t be a burden anymore-”

“You’re not a burden Kagome, you’re the last that’s left of my sister.”Akari stopped her, and Kagome was surprised to hear the sincerity and the sadness in her voice. “And if this Taisho is a creep you don’t have to see him again. I’ll finish him if he tries something weird with my niece. But promise me you’ll give it a try. Besides, this has at least gotten you out of bed.” Concern was everywhere on her aunt’s face, and for the first time Kagome noticed it had etched itself into lines that didn't use to be there. She’d lost a nephew, a sister, and a brother in law. For the last months she’d also been losing her niece with no clue how to reach her.

Kagome swallowed hard and forced on a smile. “I will” she whispered.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Set in '96 as that's the year the manga originally came out. Also: no cellphones.  
There is an overall fluffy tone to the story, but the main characters are not good people here, and some graphic horror scenes are peppered throughout. You have been warned.


	2. Affinity

August 25th 1996

Taisho arrived five minutes after noon, in an imported convertible and having swapped the black suit for a gray shirt and pants. Kagome was already waiting downstairs, loitering by the sidewalk, unsure of what to do with herself.

He got down to open the door for her, but only gave a light bow as greeting. He was perplexed when he got in and found Kagome smiling shyly.

“Thank you for getting the flowers. My mother loved irises.” She said, nodding to the back seat where three large bouquets of fresh flowers were carefully put.

He nodded and after a moment of collecting his thoughts he spoke. “You have been through a lot. More than many can bear. I cannot imagine the strength this has demanded of you. My condolences.”

“Thank you” Kagome breathed, touched a little by his speech. She turned to look at him, really look at him. After he had left she had wondered if he was truly an albino, but seeing him again in the sunlight was shocking confirmation. His skin was snow pale, and his hair fell in platinum locks. Tawny brows framed eyes of an amber, almost yellow tone.  
Look beyond, said a voice in her head very similar to Akari’s. He had a square, defined jaw and chiseled cheekbones. Small ears, a bit pointed. A long nose, slightly aquiline but on the thin side. Plump lips, she found herself noticing. An elegant neck and wide shoulders-

“It’s a family trait.” He said in a bored tone, pulling Kagome out of her musings. He hadn't glanced her way though he’d of course noticed her staring. Kagome stuttered for something to say but Sesshomaru beat her to it. “A dominant trait. All in my lineage have it. And any children of mine are sure to have the same coloring.”

It wasn't lost on Kagome that he meant any children they might have. Had he thought about that? Them and children? It was a startling idea that she pushed aside. “I was wondering if they had you dye your hair black for school. I heard they make blond kids do that." She said, feigning boredom.

He considered for a second. “I think my parents paid a bribe and forgot about it.” He peeked at her out of the corner of his eye and Kagome smiled and let a comfortable silence envelop them, taking in the scenery and the hum of the motor.

Soon they reached the cemetery and in wordless coordination got down with the flowers and cleaning supplies. Taisho paused to fill a bucket with water at the entrance and then fell into step behind her. The graves stood unchanged, identical, but Kagome knew the way by heart. She stopped at three pristine slates, newer than the rest.

'Hello mom, dad, Sota. I’m here again.' she greeted mentally.

Next to her Taisho stopped as well, gave a bow and rolled up his sleeves. Then they both got to cleaning the graves, thoroughly brushing at the already clean stone. First they did her father’s, then her mom’s and lastly Souta. By then Kagome’s breath was labored, her moves erratic and tired. Afew dry sobs escaped her lips, her throat raw. To his credit, Taisho let her be, waiting patiently next to her,and offered his hand to help her up once she was done.

Only after they had placed the flowers, lit the inciense and raised a prayer did Kagome meet his eyes. “Let's go for a walk” he said softly.

The foliage above was a bright green, an explosion of color in the high summer. In a month it would yellow and fall, but for now it swayed in the breeze, impossibly thick. They walked under the canopy lining the deserted avenue, a foot of distance between them.

“I lost my father when I was about your age." Taisho began. "He passed away suddenly after we had a terrible argument. It might be partly the cause of his death.” His face was a stoic mask. Not for indifference, Kagome knew. Sometimes after grief there was nothing left to say, nothing to feel.

“Life became very different; I’d been a child until then. My father had been an unorthodox head of clan, and his passing left behind utter chaos. As result of his immoral behaviour, our assets, our lands were endangered. Even the family name…” He sighed and involuntarily raised a hand to his temple, annoyed even at the memory. “At one point I had to fight to protect my role as head of clan.” He tried to force his grimace into a bitter smile for Kagome’s sake. “Death has a way to bring everything else tumbling down.” He concluded.

Kagome walked along in silence, feeling dry leaves crunch beneath her shoes. She hadn’t expected to find someone who understood, even a little. They advanced in silence, falling into rhythm.

Taisho released a long breath and trudged on. “Eventually I wasn't fighting for myself or my father. It was about the Taisho name.” He stopped in his tracks and turned to regard Kagome face to face. “Your aunt is right. You are the last of your line. I will not shirk my duty. The decision falls on you, Higurashi."

Dramatic much, thought Kagome to herself. But she could tell, by the stubborn tilt of his chin that he was dead serious. She crossed her arms, suddenly bashful. “We don't know each other. How do I know you’re not…” she trailed off before blurting 'creep'. How could she know he wasn't a total weirdo? Kagome looked away, at a passing blue car, embarrassed to meet Taisho’s gaze.

“I thought about it as well." He said, acknowledging the big leap of trust this would require from both of them.

For a minute Kagome wondered if they could have found each other in a different way. If, under different circumstances, they could have become a couple. She tried to see him as a man, not an opportunity. But nothing came to mind. Where would they even have met? What could they even say to each other? She always went after different kind of boy on any case. Louder and much more lively.

He cleared his throat. "We’ll give it one month of meeting three times a week minimum. If after this trial period we have found nothing to cause mayor concern, we’ll proceed with the engagement. Then agree about our obligations within the marriage, draft a prenup and plan the ceremony.” Taisho explained, as if he were giving instructions on a regular procedure.

Kagome stood incredulous, jaw slightly agape. Taisho politely ignored the look on her face, and brightly offered “Shall we get lunch?”

They did get lunch. Taisho claimed to know a scrumptious soba restaurant nearby and within minutes he’d ordered for them both, poured Kagome a glass of red wine and pulled up his planner to schedule their next two dates.

“Hold on” Kagome finally managed to interject, still dumbfounded by Taisho’s quick pacing. “I haven’t agreed yet.”

“But you didn't refuse either” He observed.

“No...I” Well she could flat out refuse him.

'I like him', she realized, noticing for the first time a tightness in her ribcage when she looked at him.

“I want to know why you would agree to this. I’d depend on you economically.” This part she mumbled, tackling the awkward subject they had both managed to avoid so far. “And besides, you’re a successful man, you should be able to marry a woman you fancy. I don’t get why you would do this.”

“Recently I was in a list of most desirable bachelors” He said wrinkling his nose in clear disgust. “It was appalling. It made me loose invaluable clout.” He admitted and Kagome giggled.

He looked at her with that piercing gaze of his again. “Besides my heartfelt desire to honor my family line,” he stressed “I’m the youngest junior partner at my firm. Being married would give me some much needed respectability.”

Just then their waiter arrived with their food and placed the steaming plates of noodles in front of them. It smelled delicious but neither of them moved to eat.

“So not only could you quickly get married, you’d make a good impression by following an age-old omiai.” Kagome tried out her conclusion aloud, and it rang true in her ears: she was a convenient move on Taisho’s strategy to reach the top. Nothing more. Kagome downed her wine glass easily. “I’m sure there’s more convenient prospects” She ventured.

Taisho nodded and filled their glasses again. “There are. But I don’t want to owe anyone favors.” He didn't want in-laws lording over him, more like. “I’m not a chivalrous man, Kagome -may I call you by your given name?” She nodded and he continued. “I don't commiserate with people, and I didn’t feel pity towards you. I felt responsible.”

Kagome again found her glass empty, and he poured once more. Was that the third? “The business with that lawsuit against you-”

“I don’t want to hear it.”

“But you should. It’s one of my conditions. It wasn't your fault or your family’s that the school burned up. It was a gas leak and your supplier should be responsible to check on their infrastructure.” Taisho pointed out in the arrogant tone he reserved for his area of expertise. “It shouldn’t fall on you to pay settlements.”

“My family’s plot of land is on sale already. The profit goes to the student’s families. We agreed on that.” Kagome explained calmly, keeping emotions off her voice. “I don’t want the money.”

Taisho nodded, but she could tell he didn’t even consider her point of view. “If you let this go, they’ll get away with it, and sometime in the near future another fire will break out that could’ve been prevented.” It was a low blow and he knew it, but he didn’t relent. “And you do need that money. You don’t have a penny to your name otherwise, am I wrong?” He paused for a second to examine her face.

“I can represent you on this. Fight, Kagome. Let me defend you, and give the marriage a try. Otherwise quit, let those low class lawyers do was they please with your parents’ home, and forget about me while you sleep away your life on your aunt’s floor.”

Kagome’s head spun, and she tried to stabilize herself, gripping at her chair. 'Who does he think he is to make this demands of me?' she thought.

But some part of her had already decided. They could make it work. Something about the arrogant man with white hair had captivated her. And she knew she couldn’t go back to wasting away in Akari’s floor, as he’d suggested.

“Let’s do it.” She heard herself say, sounding by far more convinced than she was.

That evening she didn’t sound as sure when she told Sango “I think I’m getting married.”

They’d just finished a run led by her, and Sango was on a good mood when Kagome approached her. She considered her statement while she softly patted her face dry with a towel “You think you’re getting married or you are?”

“I might?” Kagome croaked. “I’m likely to get serious with this guy in the near future. ” She said, unsure.

“So you’re not joining?” Sango asked, eyebrows knit in puzzlement. She’d advocated to take Kagome into the fold, and this must be disappointing news.

Get it together Kagome, she told herself. “I still want to... and here’s the thing, my great grandfather lifted a curse from his. He brought this old written pact between them-”

“Higurashi Tatsuki?” Sango interrupted. Of course she’d know that.

Kagome nodded. “He said it was epilepsy treatment but the contract between them seems like something way bigger. They signed with blood.”

“Bring that some time. I’m sure my father would love to take a look at it.” Sango said, mystified as well. “What’s his name again?”

“Taisho Sesshomaru.” Kagome said, nervous of her reaction.

“It doesn't ring any bells but I’ll do some digging.” Sango said while stretching lazily. “And you should do some digging too, on yourself. Are you going to join the taijiya and be married to an outsider?”

September, 1996

Taisho was something in between the traditional and the playboy aunt Akari had predicted, with a generous side of control freak in everything he did.

He’s explained at least twice during the month how his family claimed descendance from some emperor, and the complex workings of a clan. He even tried to teach Kagome the dealings between their families and how the marriage pact would’ve been beneficial to both back in the 1880’s. That was the traditional.

Then, not a week into dating, _ for transparency _, he handed Kagome a copy of a private investigation on her- he claimed he’d only hired the investigator to find her at the beginning, but somehow the report included the short list of suitors she’d had in her twenty-four years. To his credit, he handed in a report on him, his credit score, and his much longer list of previous interests in his thirty-six. That was the playboy.

But Taisho really tried to squeeze in time to meet. And Kagome discreetly did in kind, and switched her training to the break of dawn to clear her schedule.

Mostly they went on nice lunch dates, but sometimes it was also late night ramen shops, or iced coffee and going over his progress with Kagome’s case. A cocktail at his home once, with aunt Akari as chaperone of course.

Around week three it was an after party of some business event, and his breath smelled of whisky when he introduced her as his fiancee. He kept an arm around her shoulders most of the night, although they’d never even held hands before then. Kagome laid awake later, drunk and listening to her aunt’s snores while she tried to figure out what that meant. He didn’t touch her again.

September 25th 1996

Kagome waited impatiently in the Ginza bar, curled up by the window seat. The rain tapped lightly against the window panes as the city lights turned on one by one, lighting the blue evening.

Today she’d bought shoes. Sesshomaru had insisted on gifting her a new wardrobe about two weeks into their trial month, and while he hadn’t said it in so many words, he meant _ one befitting the wife of a recognized lawyer _.

He’d given her a checkbook for that end, but putting together a whole wardrobe was expensive. She’d approached the task like a mission, researching guides, magazines and of course the racks to put together a capsule that covered all the basics without extravagant expenses. It’s exhausting! she thought before chastising herself mentally for sounding so spoiled.

A white spot caught her attention by the entrance, and indeed it was Taisho. She watched from afar as he took off his hat and trench coat and was lead by the hostess to their table. They exchanged polite greetings and she waited with a small smile as he settled into the seat opposite her. He moved slowly, if gracefully. Or was he just a little stiff? She pondered. Today was a day for considering.

“It’s been a month.” She offered aloud what they both knew. It was the specific reason of their meeting today.

Taisho nodded solemnly. “And your observations so far?”

Kagome released a long sigh. “I wouldn’t have kept seeing you if I wasn’t willing to try.” She began shyly.

“There’s no point in being indirect. No niceties please.” He interjected.

Kagome scoffed. “First of all, you interrupt me when I speak. You’re a control freak. The age difference bothers me. You schedule dates but are late anyways. You are cold in expressing your opinion. You claim you want me to have independence and my own career yet you’re managing my affairs and insist on buying me things, effectively controlling my finances. I like your taste in most things, but not those friends of yours.”

Kagome paused to catch her breath, incredulous at the diatribe that poured out from her. “And I like you.” She finished with a small voice she barely recognized.

Taisho nodded slowly, considering. “Are these flaws you can live with?” In his typical manner, he ignored the last statement and focused on the problem.

“Yes,” Kagome answered clearly, knowing he’d take only binary responses. Her heart was drumming in her ears. _ It’s a big leap after all _. “And you?” She asked, dragging out the words.

“I would have notified you presently if I found you incompatible.” He stated. But seeing her nervousness linger Taisho reached across the table for her hand and confided, “you’re a good girl Kagome. Honest, kind, and pretty. Until today I even thought I could trust you with a checkbook.”

Kagome stuttered, unsure of how to respond at the hand-holding, the compliments and the jab. “They were on discount” She managed to blurt out finally.

He gave her hand a light squeeze and assured her “You’re under budget.”

Kagome’s eyes went back to their hands and she swallowed with difficulty, her throat suddenly dry. “So what’s next, Taisho?”

“Sesshomaru” he insisted for the hundredth time. He retrieved his hand and pulled from his pocket a folded slip of paper which he then slid across the table. “Those are details to consider for the ceremony. I’m trusting you to find a wedding planner and handle that. Any date before the end of the year will do.”

Kagome picked up what turned out to be three pages, with writing front and back. She quickly shoved it into her purse not wanting to deal with it now. Taisho -no, Sesshomaru- seemed equally unwilling to engage his brain so late at night, but he pressed on.

“I have a draft of the prenup already. I’ll send it tomorrow. It’s important you go over it with a lawyer. It can’t be me or anyone in my firm.” He listed a few lawyers she could reach and Kagome scribbled the names on a scrap of paper. “There’s one more thing.” He said and fell silent, looking at her intently.

Kagome’s heart picked up again at full speed. She had an idea of what it might be. She looked around the elegant bar and sartorially dressed patrons. Taisho had insisted in the upscale bar and just now she realized his plan all along was to propose here. _ But first he got a confession out of me! _

His left hand reached for hers, and with the other he pulled a blue velvet box from his breast pocket. Her eyes were inevitably drawn to the box and then to his face. His yellow eyes bore into her with unfettered intensity. “Higurashi Kagome, will you marry me?” He asked, his voice deeper than usual.

“Yes” she whispered. To herself she admitted that this time she’d known this would happen, and she wanted it.

They stayed out until late, talking about nothing really, drinking prosecco and holding hands occasionally. Then Taisho had sent her home on a cab before dawn, reminding her of the endless list of things to do.

She missed Taijiya training the next morning.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> On the hair dye comment: many Japanese schools require students with unusual hair colors dye it black


	3. Nitid

October, 1996

The next weeks were filled with aunt Akari’s cries of excitement, phone calls to wedding planners and vendors trying to get a date on such short notice. A cancellation opened up a spot for the reception by the end of October, and she panically accepted, bringing more urgency to the whole process.

Taisho wanted to invite a large crowd of business relations and surprisingly little family members. But, he wanted the wedding to be reported on. If he couldn't get off gossip columns he’d rather be the right kind of gossip. They settled on a western wedding, Kagome excitedly looking at dresses and then, once she got to dress trials, regretting it profoundly.

There was also the tedious revising of the prenup with Myoga, an older lawyer Kagome decided on. There were scarce changes to make, but he made sure Kagome understood, as much as possible, what she was getting into. Not only with the contract but with the arranged marriage.

“It’s harder even than a romantic union, young lady. I would know” He disclosed in his cramped little office. “Let’s just make sure you’re protected if it doesn’t work.” Kagome smiled, glad of having picked him.

He settled with Taisho a rather generous sum of alimony for divorce on any grounds. “But don’t worry about that, he doesn't seem willing to part with’ya!” The old man said with a wink.

For the last month she hadn’t gone two days without seeing Taisho. Now he was also in a time crunch to finish an important case so they could honeymoon in his family’s ancestral home. Kagome had to settle for Sunday mornings, and midnight calls to catch up. She realized, to her surprise, that she missed him and she was always looking forward to their next meeting.

There was also the issue of her "walks". She had been neglecting training, skipping more classes than she attended.

Sango was skeptical Kagome could ever advance as taijiya and have a life outside of it. Their sessions lately started with tearing Kagome a new one for skipping, and ended with Sango asking for updates on the juicy engagement. 

She’d found out, obviously, who her fiance was after investigating him. Taisho Sesshomaru got a lot more press then she’d come to expect. But his clan wasn’t of youkai hunters as Kagome had originally believed, and secretly, she was relieved.

When she got the invites she handed one to Sango who excitedly promised to go and be on her best behavior. “We’ll just say we’re gym partners!” She resolved.

\---

October 20th 1996

Before she knew it, it was the last weekend before the wedding. He arrived early that sunday, before Kagome finished getting ready. 'I’ve waited for him a dozen times, he can wait too' she reminded herself. She was moving her things into his home that day.

She only gathered up enough courage to speak beyond the usual pleasantries once they got to his house. Kagome looked at the sleek interior while she took of her shoes. She’d been there once before with aunt Akari for drinks. It was a nice house, spacious for its central location and modern.

Taisho took off his shoes with ease and breezed past her, taking her luggage upstairs without any hesitance.

“Sesshomaru” she called out, climbing up the stairs on uncertain feet. It felt strange. Strange to call him by his first name while walking in his house. He called out from the room at the back and she made her way there slowly.

It was the master bedroom. To her left was the large bed and a window overlooking a little garden. To the right was the closet, and Taisho was moving a few hangers from one section to the other.

“Sesshomaru, at last.” He teased, alluding to her reluctance at using his given name. He gestured to the empty section of the closet. “That side is yours, and there’s a closet in the other room if you need more space.”

She looked at her suitcases and the wooden closet. It was clearly more than enough for the few garments she owned. She wasn’t even unpacking the clothes they’d take for the visit to his home.

“Settle in. I’ll make us tea.” He breathed out and left her to herself. Slowly, Kagome sat down and unzipped her suitcase. Then she paused and looked up, changing her mind. She had a chance to look around while he was downstairs.

The room was impeccably clean and tidy. There wasn’t much in the way of pictures or keepsakes. A pile of books on a bedside table and a cigar by the windowsill were the most personal belongings. She wandered back to the closet, where his clothes hung neatly. Mostly suits and white dress shirts. A few coats. She pulled the sleeve of one to her nose and breathed in the musky scent of Sesshomaru.

She heard the clink of teacups from the hallway, and she released the sleeve. If Taisho noticed when he entered, he didn't mention it. He set the tray and teacups on the floor between them and sat down cross legged, the most relaxed Kagome had ever seen him. On the other hand, she robotically sat down in front of him, not really comfortable.

“What’s gotten into you lately?” He asked lightly as he leaned back and rested his weight on his hands. But his eyes examined her, as if he’d found an almost identical impostor, but he couldn’t determine the flaw.

She had thought of complaining about the stress of the wedding, or his schedule, but instead she blurted out “I just miss you. I barely see you and when I do I feel like there’s something missing. Sometimes I want this all to be over so we’re married, except that it terrifies me as well. I mean just walking into your house I feel nervous.”

His brow creased and smoothed over as he listened. He waited for her to add something, and when it was clear she was done he spoke softly. “You’re a sweet natured girl, Kagome” he declared. He sat straighter and reached for her hand. “I believe you’re merely extending your feelings towards me.”

Kagome felt heat spreading to her cheeks, mortified by the gravity of what she’d done. I just confessed I have a crush on him in the most embarrassing way possible, she screamed internally. Hurray Kagome.

“I’m sorry, this sounds so silly out loud.” She attempted to pull her hand back but he held it in place. She knew even before looking into his eyes that there would be that arrogant glint in them, the knowledge of being fancied. Sesshomaru smiled a different smile at her and something stirred low in her belly. Somewhere in the back of her mind she registered that the playboy side of him was seducing her.

With his free hand he pushed the tray away, and he pulled her to sit closer. He was probably pulling her to his lap, but Kagome firmly sat on the floor. He relented and looked at their entwined hands.

“I’m not a romantic Kagome, you should know that.” He said, to dispel any false hope she might harbor. “But I enjoy your company like few others. I admire your resilience. And I want you.” He added in a hoarse voice. 

Sesshomaru brought his hand up to caress her cheek and Kagome felt herself leaning forward to meet his lips. It was eager and needy for a first kiss. And long. She didn’t know how much time had passed before she was straddling his legs, hands stroking his hair as he held her by the waist.

He broke the kiss, brushing back the hair from her face delicately. “Is this why you were nervous?” He asked but kissed her again before she could answer. The heat in her belly had become a burning fire up to her neck. Her heart was beating so hard she could swear she heard static. When she felt him caressing her thigh Kagome realised that was as far as she was willing to go for the time. She sat back, sheepish.

The sultry look on his eyes clashed somewhat with the bright red flush of his cheeks. Being that pale, it wasn’t like he could hide it. He sighed and got up. “I’ll reheat the tea. Start unpacking.” he commanded.

It was more than enough room for her belongings, as she’d predicted. Sesshomaru gave her a brief tour of the house before leaving. And when he dropped her back at her aunt’s she dared to go for a quick goodbye kiss.

\---

Kagome had nightmares all night. Of teeth and huge white wolves running in the night. 

At five AM she noiselessly got dressed for training, seeing as she was up already. She had planned on skipping all this week rather than risk a bruise on her wedding day but maybe she could just avoid sparring.

She let her feet take her there while she reminisced about being in Sesshomaru’s strong arms. What would it be like with him? she wondered.

She focused on her surrounding again as she reached her destination, in case Sango wanted to pull another surprise lesson. But she didn't. She was standing in front of the gate, looking like she hadn't slept all night either.

Kagome met her eyes and was surprised at the sadness there. “I'm sorry.” Sango muttered and turned to head inside. Kagome followed, confused.

Inside it was crammed with every member of the Taijiya sitting in tidy rows. The elders, the actual exterminators and the recruits. Sango’s father stood in front of the altar, facing the small crowd. Kagome could swear he’d looked straight at her when she sat down.

Shako had always seemed an affable man but today he looked pissed. He paced back and forth, dragging a sack behind him. Finally he addressed the crowd.

“There’s been exterminators ever since men arrived on these islands and dealt with the youkai pest. They killed us for fun, we killed them for survival. Eventually we outnumbered them and imposed our rule, but now they hide among us.” Shako’s voice boomed through the enclosure. “They are drawn by nature to power and corruption. They fill up every post where they can abuse power. And when we find them, we kill them. It is the only way to be rid of them.” 

Everybody remained still. A feeling of foreboding came over Kagome as she watched the man reach for something in the sack. 

He pulled out a mummified head, wider and squatter than a normal human’s. When he raised it for everyone to see, the brittle orange hair caught the sunlight. The eye sockets were hollow, the nose had succumbed long ago. The skin was a paper thin dry leather with spots of rot peppered everywhere. But she saw clear as day as the muscles on its jaw twitched, alive still. The boy sitting next to Kagome heaved.

“This is the result of binding a demon. It can’t be killed without releasing it. But it hasn’t been truly defeated.” The leader of the Taijiya announced, throwing the head back into the sack unceremoniously.

“The Higurashi did as much. There’s a half breed trapped inside the God Tree as we speak. But the Higurashi are gone. Their property sold to some corporation, it could belong to youkai for all we know. After the full moon we’ll cut down the tree, set the half breed free and finish him properly.”

“How dare you?” Kagome screamed. She hadn’t realized she was standing up, but Shako had pushed too far. “How dare you speak of my family as if we’re gone when I’m standing right here!” Her hands were trembling in rage and she couldn’t bring her voice lower than a deafening scream. “I have to sell my home to pay my family’s debts, debts which no one would help me shoulder otherwise. And you want to vandalize it? Just so you all can feel that you’re slayers still? You’re rotten.” She spat out.

Shako looked at her with something akin to pity. “You don’t know what you’re talking about Kagome. Sit down.” He commanded.

Kagome stood up straighter, a defiant look on her face.

“The half breed Inuyasha could be set free any moment, and we must get to it before someone else does. No offense was meant to your family.” The taijiya leader explained, but there was no remorse in his tone. “Sad as it is you’re not an exterminator, Higurashi or otherwise. You didn’t pass your initiation.”

Kagome’s vision clouded then with a clear memory of her initiation. Of a fragile old man beaten and bound, accused of being a youkai. She shook her head.

“Don’t you see? You may have some impressive relics, but the youkai are gone. There’s no more. You… you’re hunting down people!” She looked around but found only vacant stares. Next to his father Kohaku glared at her displeased.

“What would you know? You’re giving away the Higurashi name as well, aren’t you? When you get married.” Kohaku screamed angrily. Shako silenced him with a look. Behind them Kagome could see Sango hanging her head in shame. Some friend you are, she thought.

“You’re all crazy.” She said disgusted. Kagome turned her back on them and left. She tried not to look back, but she did. And the taijiya kept on planning as if she’d never interrupted.

She walked aimlessly in the early morning trying to control the tears. Aunt Akari knew about her family’s tradition, vaguely, and wanted no part in it. Kagome had kept her continued training hidden from her.

None of her college friends knew of this. Taisho of course would never know. She had no one to talk to. She stopped on her tracks, recognizing the small office building. Myouga’s office was on the second floor.

She waited almost an hour by his door before he arrived.

“Higurashi san!” He said widening his eyes. “Did we have an appointment?”

“No, I…” Kagome’s voice cracked and she pretended to clear her throat. “I’m worried about my parent’s house. I heard some vandals want to damage it before it’s sold.” She paused wheels turning in her head. “On the full moon a gang is meeting up there.” It was a lie, but not so distant from the truth, and she didn’t feel bad for saying it.

Myoga muttered as he unlocked the door and invited her in, thinking. He did that a lot, mustachios bouncing up and down. “We can notify the police to keep an eye on it. This kids and their Halloween!”

“Yes! Halloween, exactly.” She said, thankful for the coincidence. The police wouldn’t bat an eyelash in arresting the Taijiya if they thought they were Halloween thrashers. “On another subject, can I keep my family name if I marry Sesshomaru?”

“Hmm” Myoga began muttering again, and Kagome settled into a chair to wait for an answer.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Did you catch Shippou's cameo?


	4. Disparity

March 13th 1987

The brown minivan advanced slowly through the pebbled path in the mist of early morning. Kagome was all the way back in the third row, crammed with the luggage, and she kept hitting her head against the windowpane. She grit her teeth. Twenty minutes more. At sixteen, this was her first mission with her father and the top students, and she didn’t want to be whiny.

As they neared, her father went over the information they had on the youkai.

“Its name is Totosai and it’s a high level humanoid. It’ll look the part but don’t be deceived, it’s not.” When saying this he looked at Kagome through the rearview mirror making sure she understood. “It’s old, but it can move quickly if pressed, so don’t be caught off guard. If we place subjugating beads we can contain and seal it before a real fight ensues.”

Everyone nodded and voiced their agreement. Besides her father and Jii san in the front seat, there was the three top apprentices. They were strong men in their twenties, prepared to fight. But their true interest was using their reiki to seal the youkai’s power.

It was only Kagome’s prowess with her spiritual powers that made his father agree to take her on her initiation mission at such a young age. If she succeeded she would be the youngest slayer in a century. And she wanted more than anything to make everyone proud.

“Why is he dangerous?” She asked.

Her father sighed. “It was disguising as human quite well until last winter. Then it stopped eating human food and became a loner. Those are signs that a youkai is loosing power: its glamours begin to wear off.”

“There’s nothing more dangerous than a youkai that knows itself to be weak or wounded. And we’re their favorite meal to recuperate.” Jii san chimed in. Her father nodded curtly, eyes fixed on the winding road.

“In the dead of winter a six year old disappeared not far from here. The locals believe Totosai ate her.” Her father paused for everyone to process the news. “Her body was found when the snow melted. Naked, mangled from the waist down and, most importantly she had missing teeth. That’s how the villagers traced it to the old creep. He’s famously been collecting teeth for years… human, animal, any kind.”

Kagome closed her eyes and breathed. She was nauseous.

“There should also be a priceless collection of swords. He was a collector before he went off the deep end. We’re taking those.” Higurashi added.  
She looked out the window and saw the unkempt hut under a kilometer away. It was a barely visible brown shape between the dry trees and the fog.

In just minutes they poured out of the van, weapons and subjugating beads at the ready. Jii san waited outside. Kagome held her bow in one hand and a rosary on the other. Her fingers felt numb from the cold and she gripped them harder. Her father was the first to go in and she the last.

The inside was gross. A smell of rotten egg emanated from everything. Every surface and wall was covered with small cardboard boxes and brown paper bags, presumably filled with teeth. There were dirty clothes and trash on the floor. Kagome stayed behind, too disgusted to go further. That’s when she heard a shuffling sound behind her.

She turned and saw a lump, nay, a man crawling quickly to the door in all fours, trying to escape the house unnoticed. He would pass within a foot of Kagome, and without thinking she shot her arrow into his neck. It went through like butter, but the man screamed inhumanly and arched back.

He grabbed Kagome’s hand, the blood from his wound spraying her clothes. She jumped back and hit a shelf with her head, toppling over a box which poured its contents, hundreds of wet little fangs over Kagome’s head. She shrieked.

At that moment Kagome’s dad jumped forward and hacked at the gross old man’s arm with a staff. “Bind him now, Kagome!” Her dad demanded but Kagome froze.

The apprentices were restraining him with beads but the old man fought like a beast, and pretty soon it turned into a beating. It only ended when Jii san intervened and placed a sutra on the man’s face, shutting him off forever.

The whole time his gaze was fixed on Kagome, his bulgy eyes not moving.

Her father took her aside later, while the rest examined the property for valuables. “What did I say in the car?” He asked in a clipped tone.

Kagome tried to focus on him and his words but she could feel the little bone shards pricking her nape. “You said to subdue him without a fight.” She muttered.

“I said keep your guard up. How did it get close enough to touch you?” He asked but Kagome didn’t reply. “I said, subdue it immediately. And back there I told you to seal him and you didn’t lift a finger.” He said exasperated. “I’m not saying this just because, Kagome. This is dangerous work. If you don’t play by the rules, you’ll get hurt.”

Kagome nodded and looked at her father, a troubled expression on her face. “What if it actually was an old man?”

His father sighed dejectedly. “Was his aura human?” He asked. Kagome tried to remember, but she hadn’t even registered one from the old man. She was about to mention that when someone shouted from the hut “We found the swords!” The rest of the evening all everyone talked about was the value the katanas could fetch.

Later when she went to shower she found more little fangs in the inside of her clothes, tangled in her hair and one embedded in her shoe sole. They were sharpened like needles, and her fingers were full of cuts when she was finally rid of them.

October 26th 1996

Upon Kagome’s request Myoga tried to get the paperwork ready so she could keep her maiden name. But it was a considerable request, and she understood when he declared it impossible to achieve on the eve of the wedding.The next morning Higurashi Kagome signed the wedding certificate and became Taisho Kagome.

The ceremony was in a quaint church followed by a reception in the ballroom of a renown hotel. Kagome regretted her choice of puffy sleeves, puffy skirts and tight bodice when she realized how much moving around was required from her.

Sesshomaru seemed unbothered by his tuxedo, and smiled charmingly at the camera. He looked especially handsome, if she was honest. But something out of the ordinary caught her eye.

They were going around the reception welcoming the guests and getting their pictures taken. “Are you wearing eyebrow powder?” She whispered as the walked between tables.

He nodded, and his charm deflated slightly. “Your aunt insisted I need it for the pictures.” Kagome giggled and stared transfixed. It was a light brown color, and if she hadn’t spent so long staring at him she wouldn’t have noticed.

“It looks good. You look manly.” She admitted.

“As opposed to normally?” He asked. Any other day Kagome would have gotten flustered about the mishap, but right then she was too busy smiling and being a gracious host. The next time they had a few seconds to themselves he whispered in her ear. “You look ravishing.”

They didn’t get much time together after that, as everyone had something to say to the newlyweds. The speeches went by in a blur, and when they served the meal she was properly tipsy.

There was an afterparty and Kagome’s friends asked the marital status of everyone in the room, to which she mostly answered she didn’t know. She was sure she had danced with her husband at some point before the karaoke singing began, and then she joined a drinking game with Sesshomaru’s boss she didn’t understand and kept loosing, so she retired.

As she got up she caught his gaze from across the room. And then she knew it was time to leave. They said their goodbyes and received, again, good wishes. A few bawdy jokes to Sesshomaru that he brushed off, and off they were.

He offered his arm to help her walk straight until the reached the suite they had for the night. Kagome kicked off her heels and collapsed onto the bed, only to find she could hardly breathe in her dress lying down.

“Some help?” she said as she stood again, resigned. Sesshomaru watched her antics amused but stepped in to help her, pulling down the zipper at her back. She remembered just then that she was completely naked under the dress.

Sesshomaru stepped around her deflated skirts and to the other side of the bed. He dropped his jacket on a char and began undoing his tie. Kagome watched place tie, then cufflinks and shirt, then pants and socks, on the chair. He stood in only his underwear. He’s so pale, she couldn’t help but notice, although she knew to expect that. He was also more muscular than she thought, somehow bigger without clothes.

He got close and carefully removed the veil from her head. Her hair remained in the updo, stiff with hairspray, and he gave up on the cause, settling his hands over Kagome’s shoulders, were the heavy puffy sleeves were slipping off. “You have experience?” He asked, forthright as ever.

Kagome nodded, too shy at the moment to meet his eyes. She wanted what they’d had that sunday in his room, but didn’t know how to get there.

“Good” He breathed and laid a kiss at her forehead. Kagome relaxed into his hands and let him slide off the dress, stepping out of it as it fell in an ivory puddle at her feet. She placed a hand on his shoulder to stabilize herself, and with drunken confidence craned her neck up to kiss him.

It was slower this time, but the kiss built up. He pulled her down with him so she was under him in bed. She broke away to breathe and he didn't waste a second in kissing her neck, her collar bones, her chest. She tried to let her hands explore him the same way but found she didn’t dare do more than squeeze his bicep a little.

Sesshomaru laid a trail of kisses down her sternum and her belly. She was puzzled when he stepped down and kneeled at the foot of the bed. But in an instant his face was buried between her legs and he was lapping at her hungrily, starved for her honey. “Oh” Kagome intended to say in surprise, but it sounded suspiciously like a moan when it left her lips, which Sesshomaru took as praise and doubled his efforts. So she laid back and let him devour her, heart beating louder than a drum.

She scratched his scalp languidly until pressure tension started building up inside her and she was pulling at his hair. Pretty soon Kagome had to bury her face on the mattress to silence a cry of pleasure. She looked down blissfully at Sesshomaru but he didn’t stop. He brought her to her peak over an over until Kagome drowsily pushed him away, exhausted. Only as she began to fall asleep, head tucked under his chin, did she think it strange he hadn’t wanted some attention on himself.

Kagome awoke with a start next morning, and for a second she didn’t recognize the room around her. Then the memories started to fall into place, as well as a dull headache.

She craned her neck to the side and found Sesshomaru, sitting on the little table by the window, freshly showered and dressed. On the table was an assortment of pastries, fruit, and two coffee cups. An upbeat jazz song played softly from the radio.

“Good morning” He greeted, while still reading the newspaper.

"Good morning" She answered. She noticed the bathrobe laid out next to her and donned it on, thankful for the small detail. She said as much but he only nodded in acknowledgement. She noticed Sesshomaru had also attempted, with relative success, to contain her wedding dress in the closet.

Kagome smiled to herself and hummed along to the music as she took in the view of a Tokyo morning from the high floor. She’d never gone away from the city for over a month, and yet later that day they were leaving to the Taisho manor for nine weeks.

“What time was the train, again?” She asked, absently grabbing some grapes from the table.

“At two.” He glanced at his watch. “We have time. Sit down and have breakfast with me.” He commanded more than asked, but by then Kagome knew it was just his way of speaking. She sat down with a sigh and drank some coffee.

Sesshomaru set aside the newspaper and looked at her with a touch of concern. "You were tossing and turning all night. Were you having nightmares?"

"Now that you mention it, I was." She said thinking aloud. "Something to do with teeth."


	5. Novelty

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sometimes you just gotta spit, I guess?  
Enjoy this fluffy chapter, things are moving forward on the next one.

October 28th 1996

It was rainy outside, the sound of the raindrops knocking on the roof awoke her. Kagome turned to her side while remaining fully under the covers, and rested her head on her bent arm. Sesshomaru was sitting on top of his futon, next to hers, scanning through a stack of printed pages and furiously scribbling notes. 

His hair, damp from his shower looked a darker shade of silver, and he’d brushed it back a bit carelessly. He was wearing an off-white turtleneck tucked into chinos, the most casual ensemble she’d seen him in yet.

“Do you ever sleep?” She teased.

“No.” he said sincerely while he crossed out a section of the page. He paused. “Did I wake you up?”

She shook her head. “It was the rain.” She said quietly and kicked of the covers to head for a shower.

The previous night they had arrived late and exhausted, past midnight. From Niigata city the chauffeur had driven them up a twisting road into the Taisho estate.

Kagome had barely looked at the house before heading inside to shelter from the pouring rain. Someone had set up the master bedroom for them, laying out the futon, and placing candles and vases of hydrangeas artfully around the room. But romance was wasted on the exhausted travelers. They’d unpacked, showered and gone to bed without dinner.

Half an hour later she walked back to the room, feeling refreshed. She slid the door open to find an older woman setting their breakfast on the table. Sesshomaru was already sitting at the kotatsu chatting with her, but they fell silent when she entered.

“This is Mei. Taisho Kagome, my wife.” Sesshomaru said in a perfunctory introduction. 

Kagome bowed and was a little taken aback when the woman bent completely at the waist and held her bow for a few seconds. “Good morning. Pardon the interruption.” Mei said, then gave a similar bow to Sesshomaru and turned to leave.

“Ah, thank you for the meal.” Kagome managed to say with a light nod before she scurried away, to which Mei again bowed at the waist and thanked her.

Sesshomaru watched amused as she settled opposite him in the low table. “You’re the new mistress of the house. She’s just being deferential.” He said before sipping his tea. But there was a glint of maliciousness in his eye. Is this retribution for sending the kids to his car? she wondered. “I might have mentioned how similar you are to Kimi.”

Sesshomaru’s mother, from what she gathered, had a short temper and a pointed mouth.

Kagome had to smile despite herself. “She left the wedding early.” She mused. “Truth be told I’m scared she won’t like me. I basically displaced her as head of household, on top of being her daughter in law.” 

She had met the beautiful woman briefly. Kimi wore a lilac colored kimono and a haughty expression to the ceremony. But afterwards she held Kagome’s hand warmly and said some heartfelt good wishes. Kagome sighed, pushing the worry aside, and set to enjoy her breakfast.

“She’ll pay us a visit next month.” Sesshomaru chose to say just then, and Kagome paused her chewing, food suddenly bad tasting in her mouth. She swallowed with difficulty.

“No, she’s not. We’re on our honeymoon.” She said slowly, incredulous. She observed his face, waiting for him to crack a smile and say ‘Got ya!’ but it was not the case. “Sesshomaru it’s bad enough you’re opening a case in Niigata while we’re here... No, don’t lie to me, I heard you on the phone yesterday.” 

Kagome looked away and tried to regain composure. She hadn’t really expected him to do nothing for nine weeks but sit back and fawn over her. This, however, was a little too much. She realized she didn’t want to hear whatever he had to say, so she set down her chopsticks and got up. “I’m going for a walk.” She said and hurried to get her rubber boots from the armoire.

“Sit down and let’s talk.” Sesshomaru said, but she ignored him. “You’ll catch a cold in that.” He warned as Kagome opened the door. She willed herself not to look back and walked off leaving the door ajar. She had hoped to find an umbrella on the veranda, but there was none, and she decidedly headed out into the pouring rain with only boots and a white sweater dress.

She stomped around in the gardens, choosing paths at random. Eventually she took shelter in a gazebo overlooking the house from a cliff. There was a stray cat there who hissed at her and retreated to the far corner. She was sure it would all be very pretty on a sunny day. But the pouring rain had turned the paths to muddy slides, the pond was cloudy with runoff and fat raindrops leaked from the roof constantly.

She turned to study the house. It was a square building, about for stories high at the tallest point, with the thatched roof reaching the floor on two sides. The walls were of a blonde wood, perfectly clean. The traditional windows had been replaced with glass ones, but the house still felt like an ancient artifact. Sesshomaru had mentioned one could walk for an hour on any direction and still be in the Taisho grounds, but she didn’t feel like walking any further.

_I overreacted_, Kagome admitted to herself ashamed. And Sesshomaru was not going to chase after her in the rain. He had messed up, to be sure. But she should’ve sat down and discussed things like an adult. She tried to come up with scenarios in her mind where she could go back in while saving face. Nothing.

Just as she resigned herself to go in cutting through the brush, not a hundred paces away from the building, she saw two figures step out into the veranda. One was clearly Sesshomaru, but the other gave her pause: a pale woman with platinum hair. Could Sesshomaru’s mother have arrived so soon? But she was wearing black leggings and a sweatshirt, which Kagome doubted the older woman would be caught dead wearing.

She couldn’t hear what they were saying, she was too far and the rain was deafening. But they seemed to be arguing. Sesshomaru was scanning the gardens, but he either was looking for something else or didn’t see her. He listened to the woman with evident annoyance and then, to Kagome’s surprise, he lit a cigarette. When did he start smoking? she wondered, but it was more likely he always had and she just didn’t know. The thought upset her more than it should.

Jaken had brought the car around and Sesshomaru barked some lasts commands to the woman over his shoulder and stepped into the back seat with an arrogant demeanor Kagome had never seen on him. The car sped off and the woman headed inside, leaving Kagome to wonder just what had she just seen.

When she eventually went in, dripping wet, she found the house in a flurry of activity. From somewhere in the house a radio played a loud broadcast on the approaching storm. Mei and a short man she didn’t know were shuttering of windows and didn’t notice her.

“Goodness gracious, she’s back.” Said a voice to her right. Kagome turned to find the mystery woman carrying a pile of rags. Mei and the man turned and welcomed her back. Likewise, the woman bowed at the waist. “Welcome back mistress. Taisho Mariko at your service. I run the household” She said and straightened. 

Kagome observed the woman. Despite the coloring there were barely similarities to Sesshomaru and Kimi. Her hair was more off-white than platinum. Her face and hands were covered in tawny freckles, and Kagome understood then Sesshomaru’s fixation with staying out of the sun. Her eyes were a more subdued amber color as well. Her features were almost too frail on her face.

Kagome nodded more than bowed, suddenly feeling the cold. “I ...er- what’s going on?”

“Typhoon Carlo is approaching, we’re preparing the house.” She paused and looked at the puddle forming at Kagome’s feet. “Taisho sama had the groundskeeper look for you. He’s probably still out there.” She said, reflecting.

“Then please let him know I’m back. He shouldn’t be outside in this weather.” Kagome said guiltily.

“Taisho sama or the groundskeeper?” Mariko asked. She hadn't been directly rude but Kagome could feel the animosity behind the question.

“I will speak with Taisho myself. Please call the groundskeeper.” She said, trying to portray authority. Mariko bought it, on any case, and called to the groundskeeper with a walkie talkie.

Kagome watched her do it, deciding if she should get changed first or help cover the windows. Then she distinctly heard Taisho’s voice from the mudroom. Just my luck, she thought.

“Welcome home” she greeted casually, as if she weren’t dripping wet and mud stained.

“Welcome home” he replied taking in her state. Then he turned away. “Mariko! Jaken needs the keys to get the diesel from the shed. The emergency generator is empty.” He called and Mariko ran out, presumably to take care of that. He checked Mei’s progress, grabbed a few boards and rags and headed for the stairs. He looked at Kagome. “Come.” He said simply and Kagome followed.

They worked in silence, covering the largest windows first, going into room after dusty room. The lights flickered off and returned weakly. They ran out of windows eventually, and Kagome began picking up their supplies. Outside the wind howled, but between them the silence was palpable.

“I’m sorry” Kagome said, her voice a little louder than she intended. “That was childish and dumb.” She hadn’t thought what to say next.

“Yes,” he agreed. He looked at her and his expression softened a little. “You’re free to do as you please, though I’m too old to play these games, Kagome.” He admitted tiredly. “Kimi will stay in the Small House to be out of the way. But I need to take the Niigata case.” Kagome smiled tightly and nodded. He looked at her sternly. “You need to control your emotions.”

“I know.” She ventured to say what was really in her mind. “I just can’t seem to hold it together, ever since the fire. I’d go off on my poor aunt sometimes, for the slightest thing. I… I don’t want to be like this.” Saying it aloud she felt even more frustrated with herself, and with her fractured sanity.

Sesshomaru’s eyes almost shone yellow in the partial dark as he examined her. “You’re angry.” He determined. “So be angry. That rage will fester inside you unless you make something out of it”

Fat, scalding hot tears rolled down her cheeks and she looked away, pinning her gaze on a carved dog statue. “I thought I was done. It’s just never over...” She said dejectedly. He pulled her to his lap, holding her head to his shoulder. She let the tears roll, and tried to inhale his scent. But he smelled of cigarettes.

The tears dried , and pretty soon stroking her hair turned to stroking her back, and the caress was charged with innuendo. With his free hand Sesshomaru pulled her leg to the side so she was completely straddling him. He didn’t let go, and his palm was hot against her damp skin.

Kagome angled her head up and placed a shy kiss on his cheek. He turned to her and locked her in a kiss full of need. She was painfully aware they had not consummated, not truly, and she didn’t know how to bring it up. Then he kissed her neck and her hips rolled forward in response. She felt a bulge under her thigh and realized she might not need to.

Sesshomaru pulled the neckline of down her dress down to make room for his minstrations until, annoyed, he discarded the dress altogether. He looked at her, breath labored, and then threw aside his shirt as well. He went right back to kissing her neck like a starved man, Kagome grinding into his lap. She unclasped her bra and relished in the sensation of his skin against hers. His strong hands were guiding her thrusts, but he pushed her away softly to open his fly and release a very large, very pink, throbbing member.

Kagome hesitated a little. She wasn’t expecting his girth. Their eyes met. Sesshomaru was flushed and panting. He swallowed forcefully. “We’ll take it slow.” He said in a hoarse whisper. “Tell me if you want to stop.” Kagome nodded.

Sesshomaru turned away and tried to spit discretely inside his fist, but she caught him as he lubed himself up. “Gross.” she exclaimed. He shrugged, transfixed on her body, and she slowly lowered herself onto him. She paused, adjusting to the discomfort, and he caressed her back patiently.

Gradually she could move more and more between rests. Sesshomaru would whisper how good a job she was doing, kissing her face and lips and shoulders. The stormed roared outside, and the house creaked and groaned under the strong winds, disguising their murmurs. Taisho carried her over to their room when sleep threatened to claim her, but once under the blankets they couldn't help but play around some more. She fell asleep on the crook of his shoulder.

In her dream she was still outside, walking under the unforgiving rain. Her feet were submerged in a stream of mud as she struggled to advance, and she could feel something large stirring underneath, awake.

For the following weeks time seemed to fly by. Some days Sesshomaru and her would take one of the old cars for a ride, visiting the nearby lakes and temples. Most days Taisho would leave early in the morning to see to his business at Niigata. Kagome would wake up when he was gone, and dedicate the day to exploring the estate. First she scouted the gardens, and the dense forest around as far as she dared. There were ponds and streams, small bridges, statues overgrown with moss, memorial plates of battle with characters washed away by the years.

She found the Small House, a pavilion of similar build and a third of the size of the main residence. When she asked Mariko if she could borrow the keys she answered through gritted teeth “They’re yours, mistress.” The two women had lunch together almost every day, and yet she would not warm up to Kagome, despite her efforts.

On days with bad weather she would wander the rooms of the house and its many curiosities collected over the centuries. She would have felt bad about rummaging through things, but as Mei pointed out, they were of the clan, and so hers too now.

****First she came across the most recent; a piano, vinyls, old magazines, fur coats. But on the upper levels were the true treasures. Parasols and turn of the century clothes, quickly overshadowed by priceless kimono, pottery and various trinkets. The house itself was built with a detail and ornament she had never encountered before. And it seemed on every corner was some painted screen, or chest or vase depicting silver dogs. “It’s a symbol of the family.” Mariko said but did not elaborate.

Sesshomaru would return sometime after lunch, and they would retire to their rooms early, where she would invariably end up in his arms. Kagome let herself enjoy every minute of those days, knowing that such happiness shouldn’t be taken for granted.


	6. Candid

March 14th 1987

“Wake up, Kagome!” Her father said, shaking her shoulder. Kagome blinked trying to bring her eyes into focus. She looked around the hotel room, disoriented at seeing her dad and grandfather dressed. “Get dressed, quick. We’ll wait outside.” She nodded in response, her throat too dry to speak.

Not five minutes later she stepped out. Her father motioned her to stay quiet and follow. They made their way to the stairway, down to the parking lot and into their van. The clock on the dashboard read 4:39.

“Why are we up so early? And what about the others?” She drawled out in a whiny voice, too sleepy to care.

Her dad began driving, but Jii san turned her way. “What you are going to learn today are the most guarded teachings of the Higurashi. This is not knowledge to be passed around lightly. There’s a limit of what can be taught to a mere apprentice.” He said in a calm, determined tone. “None of this can be written or recorded. In fact, it’s better if you never mention it again.”

“But what?” Kagome asked and was met with silence as both men concentrated on the road ahead. She knew they were heading back to the hut. They’d left the body last evening there, instead filling the truck with the swords and any thing of value they could find in the house. Kagome had waited outside.

They reached the hut much, much faster than they had the day before. Kagome stopped at the entrance, reluctant to go in. But her dad was behind her, so she stepped inside, her toes curled inside her shoes.

He was still there, the old man. Awkwardly splayed out on the bloodstained floor, a sutra over his contorted face. His arthritic hands were raised to his face defensively, frozen still. Yesterday someone had pulled his pants down and -Kagome gasped as she saw the mess of clotted blood- castrated him. She turned to her grandpa bewildered but he was looking at the body, unbothered.

“Let’s begin.” Her dad interjected, and both men started undressing and straightening the stiff body. When they were satisfied the younger man stood and went to retrieve something from the car.

Jii san met Kagome’s eyes. “We always take good care of our weapons, don’t we? When you received your bow, you were taught to treat it as an extension of yourself, because it’s irreplaceable.” He paused as his son returned and handed him a short white knife mounted on a curved handle. “And they are irreplaceable. Human weapons are no match for youkai: their skin is tougher, the bones stronger. No, these demons have evolved for thousands of years to be unbeatable. Only youkai can injure youkai.” Jii san gave Kagome a long, meaningful look, then turned back to the body of the man, infinitely older than him, and slashed his stomach open, from ribs to hip, in an expertly curved slash.

Kagome covered her mouth as dark entrails where poured on the dirty floor, then pulled apart, divided, categorized. By the time the sun started streaming in the small windows the process was almost done. The head separated and wrapped. The entrails conserved in small flasks. They were carving away the flesh to reveal the bones. It was a quick, practiced process.

She stood there, looking and not seeing. If she had a voice, she would have pleaded them to stop. If she had a will, she would have ran as far as her legs could take her. But she felt like an empty husk of a girl. Is this what we are? She asked herself over an over. Is this what we do? The room was spinning around her.

“Yesterday you didn’t notice but your arrow was infused with purifying powers. Your mother can do that as well. But if we purify the body, it turns to ashes and it can’t be salvaged.” Her father glanced up at Kagome. “Come closer, I’ll show you.”

Kagome’s leg moved forward, leaden and clumsy. And the board underneath her gave way. She managed to catch herself before she fell on her face and carefully pulled her leg out, hoping she wasn’t injured.

Her dad was next to her in an instant. “Are you alright? Did you get hurt?” 

Kagome tentatively put some weight on her foot and shook her head no. Her gaze was fixed on the broken floorboard. She could see something shiny underneath, so bright. She bent down to pull away the splintered wood. The tiny cuts in her fingers ached, some bleeding, but she managed to rip it out. Her father knelt beside her and helped her.

Four floorboards came away, revealing a small compartment. Rotten hay lay at the bottom, and three fangs, longer than her forearm. In the center of all that was an unsheathed sword. The handle was in tatters, but the blade, although beaten, looked impossibly sharp.

In a trance Kagome reached for it, and she felt her heartbeat strong on her hand as she grabbed it. Little beads of blood trickled from her scabs onto the handle before being absorbed by the old leather.

“So that’s where it was hidden, the legendary Tessaiga.” Jii san mused. He was pulling something out of his pocket. An old frayed page with an ink drawing of the sword. The mount was the same. “You can give it to me now, child.” He said and Kagome noticed his outstretched hands. Slowly she let go of the blade, only then realizing how heavy it was.

Jii san examined it for a minute before carefully wrapping it in a cloth. “Was it calling you?” Her father had gone on to collect the rest of the things while Kagome knelt by her grandfather’s side, nervously observing his handiwork. His fingernails were stained a dirty red from earlier, but his movements were delicate and respectful as he tied the cloth in place.

“Yes,” Kagome said quietly, discovering the answer as she spoke. “I think it’s the reason I couldn’t leave even when I wanted to.” She admitted. And once that was of her chest she could feel the enormous, oppressive aura of the sword that had been covering everything else. Her grandfather’s aura, her father’s and her own, little in comparison. And a weak, fractured wisp of life emanating from the scraps of what had been Totosai. 

She finally dared to look at her family’s handiwork of Totosai’s body, then at the sword that all but pulsed with life. Where you a demon after all, weak old man? How could you be so puny as all that if you were guarding this great treasure? She wondered. Then Jii san sealed the sword with a sutra, and the emptiness once again took over.

At home they never spoke again of where the new supply of materials came from; just set to work turning them into weapons and potions. Kagome’s sword was not sold, but hidden in the most secret place of the temple. Everyone congratulated her on her first kill and her great finding. For weeks Kagome wondered what the new feeling, hot and heavy in her chest was, that never seemed to leave her. It felt very similar to shame.

  


November 15th 1996

She followed Sesshomaru through the dense forest, never staying more than five paces behind. He became convinced her constant nightmares had begun because they hadn’t paid their respects at the family shrine after the wedding. And while it was strange to see such a pragmatic man deal in superstitions, Kagome agreed, willing to try anything at that point.

The Taisho shrine was in the estate grounds, but Sesshomaru claimed it could only be reached by foot. They had left the house at seven thirty, taking provisions and offerings in his backpack, and set out onto the woods to the west.

It was strange watching Taisho in the wilderness. He had always appeared a little stiff and slow to Kagome, but the countryside had brought out a vigour and grace she didn’t expect from him. Even with the physical resistance she had achieved with the Taijiya she found it challenging to keep pace with him as he forged through the uneven terrain.

“This way.” Sesshomaru said, pulling her from her musings. He was pointing to a steep rock wall, taller than him. “Watch.” He said and proceeded to climb it up quite easily with footings Kagome hadn’t realized were there. She pushed any fear to the back of her mind and quickly followed, Sesshomaru offering his hand at the top to help her up. 

She nodded in thanks, out of breath. He pulled out a water bottle and offered it to Kagome, which she accepted glady. She took a long swig and looked behind her, over the forest they had just climbed. “It’s so peaceful here.” She admired.

Sesshomaru nodded, after taking a sip himself. “However, a quiet forest is a dead one.” He stated. At Kagome’s bewildered look he elaborated further. “It may look like a lively woodland to you, but it has greatly deteriorated. Everytime I come there are less specimens.” He was looking past her, at the woods below.

“Where did they go?” She asked.

He shrugged uncharacteristically. “A few years ago there was a criminal investigation in the area. It was a big case, with people coming in and out during springtime, and the breeding grounds were disturbed. Maybe the animals retreated further into the woods, and one species followed the other until this place was deserted.”

Kagome looked around her sadly, hearing the deafening silence. “What was the big case about? It sounds like an army of people was here.”

Sesshomaru was quiet for a moment. “The body of a young girl was found, naked and mangled. For a while people pressed the narrative that it was a sex offender on the loose. But it was proven she succumbed to the cold. Paradoxical undressing is a symptom of hypothermia, and some foxes had nibbled on her corpse.” 

He gathered himself, putting away the water bottle. “The damage to the ecosystem was done, however. It didn’t help that people started hunting foxes afterward, further discouraging the animals from settling back in. The big game left: boar, deers, even bears. Now only time can heal this forest.”

Kagome listened, a troubled grimace on her face. Then she smiled. “You sound like a documentary narrator with all that talk of ecosystems.” She joked trying to lighten the mood.

Sesshomaru stopped midway to putting on his backpack and looked at Kagome with a mischievous glint in his eyes. “The stag spies an eligible mate through the brush.” He deadpanned, letting the bag fall to the floor. He began walking towards her with predatory ease.

A sharp cry went past Kagome’s lips and she began backing away instinctively. “The doe however seems oblivious to his advances.” He continued, eyes locked with Kagome as he approached her. She turned and ran from him. He gave chase, sometimes getting close and sometimes letting her gain way. 

Finally he grew tired of the game, pinned her against a tree and kissed her. Kagome was panting when he undid her trousers, eager to feel him inside of her. He pulled her up and she wrapped her long legs around his hips, wanting to be closer.

Later, she fixed her hair sheepishly as he went back to retreat the backpack with the offering. The Shrine was mere steps from where they had shared their passions, Kagome noticed, and the flush on her cheeks intensified.

It was small. The stone gate, carved with strange characters, was almost covered in moss. The sanctuary was similarly hidden in the vegetation. It housed a large statue of a dog, worked in white stone. They prayed, lit incense and left an offering of sake.

Kagome had wanted to believe this visit would help. One last, hopeful glance at the statue confirmed her feeling of overwhelming nothing. She laid her hand over Sesshomaru’s shoulder. “I’m ready to head back.” She said.

November 21st 1996

At eleven thirty Taisho Kimi arrived to the Main House in her burgundy 1962 Mercedes. She stepped out of the driver’s seat and walked -no, swaggered- to her hosts in a gorgeous cream skirt suit with black trimmings and an ivory pelt causally balanced over her shoulder.

She bowed at the waist solemnly. “Please pardon my intrusion. Taisho Kimi requests permission to enter the Taisho Estate.” She said solemnly in a pleasant, throaty voice.

“You are welcome to stay as long as you respect the clan rules and your place in it.” Sesshomaru said not betraying any emotion and without acknowledging or returning his mother’s bow. The entirety of the staff was lined up behind them, and at this words they bowed and said a loud “Welcome!”

Kagome bowed her head towards Kimi. “Welcome home!” She said in a cheerful voice, uncomfortable with the strange dynamics between mother and son. Sesshomaru had instructed her countless times not to bow back -as wife of the head of clan, she should only bow to him. But she felt too rude doing that and so he allowed her a small nod. “I trust you had a good journey.” Kagome said when it was clear neither of the pair would speak up.

Kimi bowed again gracefully. “It was very pleasant indeed, but not as pleasant as being home.” She said, a small smile in her lips as she studied her son and then Kagome. “Sesshomaru, you look only half a corpse. This young lady must be doing something right. Would you care to join me for tea sometime, Kagome?” There was an almost conceited quality to her tone, somehow charming.

“Of course I would. I’ll see you this very evening.” She replied. And with that Kimi bowed yet again, more formalities were said and the ceremony was over. 

  
  


Later that day Jaken insisted in driving her to the Small House for her tea appointment and Kagome agreed mainly because she didn’t want to ruin her clothes threading through the mud. She had chosen a baby blue skirt and jacket, that now felt childish compared to Kimi’s effortless elegance. When they arrived at the Small House, Kagome let herself in and found Mariko helping Kimi set up tea in the main hall.

“Ah Kagome, welcome!” Kimi said, and bowed along with Mariko. “Come in, please join me for a cup of hot tea.” She gesturing to a seat with one hand while holding a cigarette with the other.

Kagome sat opposite her mother-in-law. “I’m glad we can finally get to know each other.” Kimi said, openly looking at Kagome and taking her in. Kagome did the same, and wondered who Sesshomaru resemble most. She asked.

“Taisho Touga and I were cousins, albeit distant ones. My, I hadn’t thought about him in a long time.” Kimi said humoured. She considered for a second. “Sesshomaru resembles my branch of the family -the House of the Moon. Touga was more rugged and broader than Sesshomaru. Even in temperament, he was louder and less guarded.” Her eyes were no longer seeing Kagome, but gazing into the past. 

“Best leave ghosts to rest. And look at you, isn’t she a beauty?” She said the last part to Mariko, who disregarded the question.

It was kind of her, Kagome thought, as she was at best an attractive girl while Kimi, well into her sixties, remained a stunning, exquisite woman.

Kimi observed as the young woman tried to brush the topic aside. “But you are. A beauty of your times: tall and strong- I can tell by the way you move. But there’s a fragility about you...I can see it in your gaze.” Kimi gestured around Kagome’s face with her cigarette hand, making circles of smoke. She let out a small giggle. “I have half a mind to give you a hug, could you believe that? And then there’s that glorious mane of yours. It makes for a very provocative ensemble. I’m sure you will grow into it soon.” She concluded by taking a long drag out of her cigarette.

“Thank you.” Kagome said, not actually sure she liked her description. She self consciously touched her hair, making sure it hadn’t escaped the tight updo she had worked so hard upon. Kimi was still studying her and Mariko’s gaze was trained on the ceiling, internally absent from the conversation.

“There’s something I wanted to give you as well, but I hope you won’t find me presumptuous for the offer.” Kimi spoke up with practiced detachment, lighting yet another cigarette. Chain smoker, Kagome noticed. “I heard you took an interest in our old wardrobes, and the gods know I bought more than my fair share of clothing during my youth-” She paused, noticing Kagome’s troubled expression. “Perhaps it’s better if I show you.”

  
  


Kagome hadn’t explored much of the Small House, and definitely not this room. Three of the walls were used for storing clothes, and the center was filled with packages and hat boxes. She had feared finding raggish grandma clothes, but she couldn’t have been more wrong. Despite her limited knowledge of fashion she recognized some pieces from old magazines. She reached out to touch a linen jacket, which she could tell even on the hanger would create the illusion of a wasp waist. Most of the garments were from the fifties and forties, but there were some older pieces that must have belonged to Kimi’s mother.

“I miss hats.” Kimi said absently as she caressed a black, flat hat with a wide brim. She looked melancholy, a ghostly being among her cove of treasures. Only the possibility of burning her precious clothes had convinced her to turn off her cigarette. A small smile appeared on Kagome’s lips.

“This is wonderful Kimi sama, truly. But I don’t think I’d have the occasion to wear this fancy clothes. And besides I can’t accept your generosity, this are valuable pieces.” Kagome said softly, not wanting to break the quiet in this unexpected time capsule.

But the spell broke nonetheless and Kimi turned to her keenly. “Of course you will. You have to welcome the rest of the clan when they come to pay respects. It’s a formal event. Didn’t Sesshomaru inform you?”

Kagome was about to speak, but Mariko cut her off. “So she can make another scene?” She spat, contempt dripping from her voice.

Kimi turned to regard her niece stiffly. “That will be all Mariko, you may leave.” Kagome couldn’t see her face as she said it, but it must have been stern, for Mariko scurried away without a further word.

“Careful with that one.” Kimi advised, traces of a sneer lingering on her beautiful face. “She’s not from my side of the family, clearly. Such a weakling. Could you believe she tried to push for an engagement with Sesshomaru?” Kimi repressed a giggle, unaware of Kagome’s distress.

Mariko’s animosity, her icy stares and overall rudeness suddenly made sense. She was in love with Sesshomaru. “Were they ever together?” Kagome asked, the fear in her voice evident.

“Oh he wouldn’t look twice at her, that’s not the part to worry about.” Kimi said in her usual unaffected tone as she placed her hat carefully back in its box. “You can take anything you like child, truly. But in exchange I want you to answer truthfully. Are you infatuated with Sesshomaru?”

Kagome stuttered and gaped like a fish, taken aback by the question.

“Hn.” Kimi continued examining clothes vapidly. “By now you know him. You speak with him, you eat with him, you share his bed. And you have fallen for him, haven’t you?” Her tone was honeyed. “But men are ruthless creatures, even my son. And if you give your heart to him, you’ll lose it.”

“He’s been good to me.” Kagome said, trying to sound careless and detached, but she was frozen in place, feeling exposed.

Kimi met her gaze, and the shallow tirade was gone. Suddenly she was just an old woman, tired beyond her years. “I didn’t raise my son to be good. I raised him to be powerful.”

Kagome’s throat felt dry to the pit of her stomach, and it hurt. It hurt worse to have Kimi watch intently as she tried to compose herself. The older woman sighed and turned back to the clothes, pulling out a tailored black dress. “Oh! try this one on first!” She said, in her charming, throaty voice.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I leave up to you readers to decide what really happened to the missing girl. But violence, not justice, was enacted on Totosai, regardless of species. The recycling is interesting though.
> 
> Also, is it even Sesskag if they don't mate in the woods?


	7. Certainty

May 16th 1992

Kagome looked at her reflection in the mirror resigned. Her grandfather had gifted her a dress for their night out; it was to be expected that it was outdated and big on her. ‘I was bribed too easily.’ Kagome thought. “Ok, Jii san, I’m ready. What kind of place are we visiting that needs fancy clothes?” she said as she stepped outside. Her grandfather complimented her on the atrocious garment and began walking down the many steps to the house, stopping briefly at the Goshinboku.

“How are things at school?” He asked while he examined the crooked tree.

“Good.” Kagome said bluntly, and then despite herself she began to open up. “University is harder than I thought. I can barely stay ahead of all the homework and there’s so much to read all the time. But I did well on my last project, really well.”

The older man smiled at her and resumed walking. “I know that your father was harsh when you decided to quit training to focus on your studies. He’s put a lot of effort into teaching you.” Kagome huffed at that, and Jii san chuckled. “Kenta...your father only wants what’s best for you. I’m sure he’ll come around.”

Kagome resisted the urge to roll her eyes and so they walked in silence. She followed him into the subway station. Seven stops later they were at a bustling district Kagome had never visited before. “You never said where we are going.” She reminded her grandpa.

“We’re paying a formal visit, as the oldest member of the Higurashi and the only priestess. That’s why we needed fancy clothes.” He winked at that.

Kagome sighed. “I’m not a priestess. And I said no family business!”

“Ah, but we are visiting another family.” Jii san countered. “Do you remember that young apprentice that had a crush on you?” He asked, switching the topic.

Her face felt hot with embarrassment. “Kohaku? W-well yes, but he’s a kid. In middle school I think.” Kagome paused and considered. “You didn’t arrange a date or anything like that, did you!?”

“Nothing of the sort.” He said, holding up his hands innocently. “We are visiting his family. They have a similar tradition to ours.” Jii san locked eyes with her as he spoke. “They call themselves Taijiya. A brawny bunch. They practically fight one on one combat.” He stopped and signaled Kagome to turn right. “Anyways, the leader is friends with your father. He said his kid was a savant of wrestling, so he sent him over to us. Maybe we could challenge him on some spiritual basis.”

“And?” Kagome urged. Kohaku had joined shortly before she stopped going. He still gazed at her like a stricken deer everytime they crossed paths. But she had no recollection of how he did in training.

Jii san sighed deeply. “He was good at it, too good. So he started attending some advanced lessons. And now he’s gone and broken the rules.” They had arrived at a gate, and he rang the doorbell.

A burly man opened the door and let them inside. There was a huge courtyard, empty except for them. But the man strolled to the other side, and they followed his big steps. “Thank you for coming Masao,” he said calmly. “I wanted to show you personally.”

As they approached the building at the back a strange sense of dread came over Kagome. An overwhelming emptiness surged from her stomach. Youki. Some people claimed auras had a color, a different feel to each. For Kagome it had always been the absence of any feeling that marked youkai. Easy to miss, if you weren’t trained.

They stopped at the entrance of a storage room, and Shako turned to regard them one last time before he opened the door, and they empty feeling in her stomach grew to swallow her whole.

November 24th 1996

Taisho Kimi calmly demonstrated the correct way to apply lipstick. First she placed her left elbow lightly on the vanity; then rested her chin over the back of her hand; finally setting her rose colored shade in practiced brush strokes. “Just like that” She said, turning to Kagome. The process was a graceful choreography.

Kagome took the coral red lipstick Kimi had urged her to try and mimicked her to the best of her ability. It was alright. She took a minute to study herself in the mirror. Her bangs were brushed aside, but the rest of her hair flowed in loose, voluminous curls by Kimi’s instruction. The makeup was also her design, both more natural and bolder than she was used to.

“Lovely.” Kimi praised and Kagome had to agree. She liked this mature, pretty version of herself over Higurashi Kagome, mess of a girl.

“Thank you again for helping me get ready. I’m not so good at this stuff.” Kagome confessed. Kimi met her gaze in the mirror and smiled slightly. The older woman had some bitter pieces of advice on most things, but Kagome found herself liking her. It worried her, only a little, that life as the clan head’s wife had left her so jagged.

Outside she could hear the engine -Jaken had arrived to collect her. She still had to get dressed and help with preparations at the Main House. Kagome gave one last look to Kimi’s uncluttered, airy room. With the irises, the powdery smell of makeup, and Kimi herself it felt like home for a second. It felt like being with her mom. “Thank you.” She said again.

The Taisho arrived later that morning, in a caravan of classic cars. ‘This people have a serious obsession with old things’, Kagome thought to herself as she took notice of the rather conservative way they dressed.

There was Yone and her husband Sakon. Given their age, Kagome could understand their fashion choices. But then there was Chiyo, their daughter, who looked positively like an illustration of 1930’s fashion with the pin curl hairstyle on her silvery white locks. Her husband, Masamichi, had a shaved head, but something about his high waisted trousers managed to look extremely outdated.

“All of us are of the Taisho clan.” Kimi had explained earlier. “I was from the Getsujou Taisho. Sakon belongs to the Akasen Taisho, and the rest of the boys are Tsume Taisho. Only Sesshomaru is of the pure Taisho line.” And these were only the closest members. Kimi alleged the Main House could barely receive all of the clan at once.

After introductions were made, the men engaged in a boring conversation about business and Kimi proposed the women go somewhere else to have a drink.

And that’s how Kagome found herself in the drawing room, slightly buzzed on gin as the decadent music of Cab Calloway spilled from an old record player. Chiyo tried to sing along to the quick scat, and the older women laughed every time she fell behind the lyrics.

“We must look absolutely unfashionable to dear Kagome.” Yone said. Then she sighed, raising her cold glass to her temple. “This gin is giving me a headache.”

Kimi looked at Kagome with that humorous shine in her eyes. “Us old families have a tendency of holding on to the past. It just seems like better times.” She admitted, while lighting the long brass pipe she was smoking from.

“Not me!” Exclaimed Chiyo. “Michi is getting a job in the city, and you best believe I’m leaving this drab look behind.” She sounded convinced, but drunkenly bounced to the jazz music.

Kagome smiled politely. Even she wasn’t immune to the pull of the Taisho antiquity. Was she not wearing a vintage dress gifted to her by Kimi? “Maybe we can go shopping together in Tokyo.” She offered.

Chiyo’s face lit up. “I’d be honoured!”

There was that. Kimi had told her that as head of the clan, getting attention from Sesshomaru, and by extension his wife, was akin to getting their favor. Kagome sighed inwardly and decided to deal with the implications some other time, preferably when the room wasn’t spinning.

The door slid open and Mariko entered, carrying an ice bucket and a bottle of gin. “I’m afraid this is the last one.” She said apologetically and began refilling their glasses.

“I probably shouldn’t have anymore. It’s upsetting my stomach.” Kagome protested weakly, but a fresh cocktail had already been placed in front of her.

Mariko finished pouring the drinks, opened a few windows and headed for the door. “Dinner will be served in half an hour.” She announced before retiring.

There was an awkward silence among the women. Kagome perked up at the opportunity. “Why doesn’t she join us?” Why does she act like an indentured servant all the time? was what she really wanted to ask. The staff at the house had clear work schedules and days off, but Mariko seemed to be always looking after them.

Kimi sighed and patted Kagome’s hand. “One of those clan things. Mariko is… ah, what’s the word I’m looking for?”

“Doing time?” Yone offered with a raised eyebrow.

Kimi suppressed a giggle. “She must have done something to upset Sesshomaru, but the boy will not tell me what it is. So now she’s paying back to the clan for her transgression, through work. He’ll pardon her soon, it’s nothing to worry about.” The widow said. She flicked out her fingers, as if she could push away the subject like a fly.

A memory of Kagome’s first day at the house resurfaced briefly on her mind. Of a fight she had witnessed but not heard between Mariko and Sesshomaru. The cigarettes. Somehow she had forgotten all about it.

“What if she doesn’t comply? I mean, a grown woman having to get time out? I wouldn’t stand for it.” Kagome said, thinking out loud.

“Well, she can refuse of course. But disobedience is as good as renouncing the clan, with all its properties and yes, even our unfashionable clothes.” Yone said as she stirred her glass. “It’s as good as being homeless.” She concluded.

“Way to be dramatic, mother” Chiyo said in a groan. She was by the window, cooling herself with the frigid breeze. Looking at Kagome’s uncomprehending expression, she elaborated. “It’s not as bad as all that. And Mariko will soon be pardoned, I guarantee. Besides, she’s all but forgotten after the stunt by Michi’s brothers. Those rascals where summoned today and they didn’t show.”

At Kagome’s side, Yone tsked in disapproval. “Taisho sama does not like waiting.” She whispered to herself.

Dinner was served not long after. The lacquered eel looked perfect, but Kagome found she couldn’t stomach Mariko’s cooking just then. The woman fluttered around, tending to the group. Meanwhile the Taisho idly discussed an article about Japan over the last hundred years.

“You should sit down with us, Mariko. The food is getting cold.” Kagome said suddenly.

A hush fell over the room. Everyone gazed straight into their plates, save for Sesshomaru who returned her stare, curious.

“Mariko has previous instructions and will not be joining us.” He explained calmly as he raised his sake cup to his lips.

Kagome huffed. “I don’t understand why-” She was interrupted when a flick of the wrist from Sesshomaru ushered everyone out with the efficiency of an earthquake drill. It was just them in the room. He gestured for her to continue.

“Is this a normal occurrence? Do you just boss people around and punish them?” Kagome asked incredulous.

“I’m the head of clan.” Sesshomaru reasoned. “It’s my duty.”

He just doesn’t see it as bad, Kagome realized. “I understand the clan has its customs, but I can't stand by seeing adults punished for perceived slights.” She began. Deep down she felt nervous too, of upsetting him. The quiet man she had married was supreme ruler over the house and anyone who lived in it.

“You knew I was head of the clan when you accepted me.” Sesshomaru reminded her as he calmly raised a morsel to his lips, chewed and studied her.

“You’re right, Taisho sama.” She admitted. “And I should have inquired more about what it means.” The air had gone out of her sails. Kagome ate her dinner, if only to have something to do. Something to hold her back before she said anything stupid.

When they retired to bed the lights were off in the rest of the house, leaving it in darkness. It wasn’t late but everyone had retired, and an emptiness enveloped the manor. Kagome followed her husband to their room, feeling apprehensive. He was a larger man now. A leader, a figure to fear and to grovel at. The Taisho that flirted with her in trendy cafes was merely the fragment of a complex personality: one capable of climbing to the top of law firms and family members alike.

Their room was made up -by Mariko surely. The immaculate futon laid out, some candles lit and a fresh arrangements of azaleas. Kagome stood at the center of the room, noticing how much comfort she had really derived from Mariko’s work that she’d never considered.

Kagome turned to look at Sesshomaru. He was changing out of his clothes, unbothered by the cold. “I’m not ok with Mariko tending to us anymore.” she admitted.

“Hn.” Was all his answer as he tied the simple jinbei he used for sleep. “Did you know she earned her sanction by disrespecting you?” He inquired.

Kagome resisted the urge to roll her eyes. “I know she doesn't like me much, but no harm was done. Just give her a day off.” She said, and quickly added. “Please Taisho sama.”

“I will.” he said. His brow was creased in the slightest, but the pained look in his eyes took her aback. “But don’t call me that. Everyone else does.”

“Sesshomaru.” She said, loud and clear. And instantly he pulled her to him, not even kissing but holding her close.

She woke up again when the sun was high, golden light streaming into the room. Sesshomaru was sound asleep, his arm carelessly thrown over her. Kagome marveled at seeing his slumbering form for the first time, so relaxed and unguarded. She carefully removed his arm and stepped out.

The large countryside food portions seemed to be doing wonders for Sesshomaru’s physique. But between them, the insomnia, and her reduced exercise since leaving the Taijiya, for Kagome it was all of the opposite. She felt bloated and stiff. A long walk was in order.

She had put on thermals under a colorful coogi sweater, and packed some water. All was ready for a pleasant trek, when somebody stopped her.

“Kagome, wait!” It was Mariko. For the first time not wearing some ratty sweatshirt, but nice clothes and a good coat. “I want to show you something. You haven’t been here yet. It’s the oldest part of the estate, you know?” She motioned with her head down a path.

“Ah sure,” Kagome agreed. Mariko might have gotten over her dislike of her, and it was a good opportunity to talk to the woman. They made their way quietly, under the golden November sun. Along the way there was a shed and the foundations of buildings long gone. Kagome had a faint idea where they were going, but she definitely hadn’t walked that path yet.

“It’s that one.” Mariko said slightly breathless from climbing up the path. She was pointing to a squat building at the end of the path. The roof was straw, as all the buildings of the estate. But the tapered walls, although whitewashed, looked to be made of masonry, not wood and paper. The door was rather rustic, with a heavy lock barring it.

“It’s the Armory. You’ve seen all the trinkets in the house, but not the real treasures.” Mariko said, while she worked the lock expertly and pulled the door open with surprising strength. She scurried to turn on the light and the fluorescent bulbs blinked on and off for a few seconds.

“Are we supposed to be here?” Kagome asked, peering at the gloomy interior. Mariko had already gone inside, all she could do was follow. Her eyes adjusted to the low light gradually, and the room began to take shape.

It was a narrow room, barely five steps across but much deeper. On the inside the stone walls were left bare of paint. Instead there were shelves upon shelves with spears, daggers, and bows. An entire section housed muskets and ammunition. Without the glass between them, as there would have been in a museum, the weapons looked both mundane and deadly.

“This isn’t right.” Kagome said, shaking her head. It was the cleanliness that bothered her, not a speck of dust in sight. Everything looked ready for a troop of samurai to grab them for a battle right then. Mariko was walking ahead to the end of the room. There were strange plates of armor with intricate forms and broken helms neatly stacked. Kagome knew to her core she wasn’t supposed to be there, but her feet kept moving forward, and her gaze fell on Mariko, and the wall she was facing.

Three silk screens hung from it, depicting a battle scene in gory detail. There were some artistic liberties, like the cloudy shape of a dog over what must have been the Taisho soldiers. An incomplete suit of armor was ceremoniously displayed on a stand before the central painting. To each side there was a special wooden mount for a sword.

Both women had stopped some distance away, observing the grizzly picture. “Why did you bring me here, Mariko?” Kagome said, finding anger in her voice.

In comparison, Mariko’s voice was small and quiet. Her eyes were focused on the sword to her left, and the queer white pattern in its scabbard. “Everything we have is thanks to this. The legacy of Sesshomaru, founder of the Taisho line.” She whispered, afraid of disturbing the ghosts in such a place.

‘I thought his name was Touga, like the father and the great grandfather.’ Kagome thought to herself. She could feel her heart beating in her throat. She couldn’t make herself look at the objects in front of her, and at the same time, she felt a magnetic pull.

To her right was a katana in a black scabbard, the shape unpleasantly familiar to the sword she’d found all those years ago. It was impossible that it be the same one, but an identical gravity gripped every strand of her being.

“You asked Sesshomaru to lift my punishment, and he did.” Mariko spat out, and Kagome’s attention snapped back to the woman. “Actually, he told me to go ahead and return until spring.” She said bitterly.

“I didn’t say anything like that.” Kagome objected. ‘When had he done that?’ she wondered too.

Mariko snorted. “You could at least own up to it.” She crossed her arms and turned to look around her. “So here’s me returning the favor. What do you think? The lovely Taisho heritage, built on blood.”

Kagome’s chest felt tight. So Touga had strengthened himself with youkai relics? Her mind was drawn to a familiar darkness. Would the blades of the weapons be the white demon bones. Built on blood. Or perhaps Tatsuki’s so called treatment had been youkai flesh, absorbed by Touga until it was part of his own.

She couldn't breathe in there. Despite herself, she turned to the black sword once again, almost obeying its beckoning call -and then she turned on her heel and walked out without a word. “I don’t need your charity!” Mariko said loudly, but Kagome didn’t look back.

Her legs were taking her back to the house, but she didn’t want to go there either. She couldn’t see Sesshomaru in that state.

And then, salvation from an unlikely source. As she passed the garage she saw Jaken getting down from a car, keys in hand. “Jaken! I need the keys. Sesshomaru’s orders!” Kagome shouted, walking quickly up to the short man.

“But mistress Kagome, you’re forbidden to drive-” He began. Kagome ignored him as she ripped the keys from his hand, practically stepping over him to get in the car. She locked the door immediately, and Jaken tried fruitlessly to open it.

With a steadying breath she ignited the engine. Jaken retreated when he heard the engine roaring into life. Kagome sped off.

She managed somehow to drive the stick shift, racing the wind. She followed the road to the highway, curve after curve as it descended from the mountain. And then she passed a pothole too fast and the car destabilized at its high speed. Kagome barely controlled the wheel as she pushed the brakes to a full stop.

On shaky legs she got down to check the tires, and sure enough, one was flat. “Oh no, no, no.” She whispered frantically searching for the toolbox. She dropped it clumsily next to the tire. There was no replacement, and her tire was completely ruined. Kagome suddenly got the urge to check her hands and face for injury, feeling numb.

Around her the steep hillside was darkening quickly. The sun had begun its descent behind the mountain, leaving the forest in a gray, diffuse light. The wind whipped around her, carrying the deep red leaves of autumn. Kagome sniffled, perhaps from the cold or the tears that burned at her eyes. She screamed.

“Why?!” She shouted at no one, kicking the ruined tire. “He was supposed to be normal! I renounced slaying! I renounced it!” She screamed until her throat felt sore and her lungs burnt. She opened the passenger door and plopped on the seat to wait for help.

“He was supposed to be normal.” She said to herself softer, as she curled up in the seat. She cried a little, and then she laughed at her own foolishness. Souta would have mocked her endlessly about the car stunt with Jaken.

A tap in the window brought her out of her musings. It was a man in a chartreuse green windbreaker. Between the dark and his bucket hat she could barely make out his face, but he looked concerned. “Do you need help?” He asked and Kagome nodded as she rolled down the window.

“Hello! Yes! Sorry, I got a flat tire and I don’t have a spare…Could you call a tow truck in the next station?” Kagome blurted out quickly. The man nodded and stepped back to check the tire. Something caught Kagome’s eye in the side view mirror. The car the man had stepped down from was an antiquated Toyota model, and inside sat a man with silver white hair. ‘But not Sesshomaru’ she told her beating heart.

“Yep, it’s ruined alright.” He agreed. “You’re not a very good driver, neh Kagome?”

Her blood turned to icy needles in her veins, her stomach hollow. “How do you know my name?”

“Well, this is a Taisho car.” The man said as he reached out, opened the door and before Kagome could process what he was doing he gave a light tug at her hair. “And don’t you know? You’re in the Mainichi’s top weddings of the year. It’d be hard to miss that mane.”

“Nobunari! Unhand her!” Shouted the man from the Toyota. He rushed out of the car and came to stand next to the man. “I apologise for my brother’s behaviour. Tsume Taisho Nagasada, pleased to meet you.” He said and bowed. “Now, let’s get you back to the house.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Denial is a superpower. Wait Jaken can speak? Maybe Kagome isn't spiritually blocked?
> 
> I'm really happy to have reached this point because things are going to start moving a lot quicker now. I have my character sheets, loose script, even chapter names. It's my first story so I'm not sure how exactly to move into the second act, but it's coming you guys.
> 
> I'm not great at writing OCs but they were necessary, sorry.


	8. Fallacy

November 24th 1996

"No, don't go down that path, idiot!" Nobunari exclaimed annoyed from the front seat. "We're going to the Main House first."

Nagasada immediately corrected the course. "Apologies" he told Kagome over his shoulder. Despite being older than Nobunari, he let the loud youngster boss him around.

They reached the house soon enough. Instead of a gloomy storm to fit the mood, there was a golden sunset. It felt strange, surreal, to Kagome to find herself on the other side of a welcoming ceremony. But she bowed as deep as the Tsume Taisho to the imposing figure of an angry Sesshomaru.

"We found your runaway bride." Nobunari exclaimed. A cocky grin was fixed in his face.

Sesshomaru considered each of the trio before responding. "So you did. You will stay at the Main House from now on." He turned and made the way to their room, and Kagome knew to follow without being told.

There was food for her on the little table they sometimes used to have breakfast on. "Eat." Sesshomaru commanded, although she was hardly waiting for approval. "Afterwards you can tell me all about your little escapade."

'Needing some air' wasn't excuse enough for him. He seemed disappointed when he said "I know what goes on in my house." Then he got up and started packing. He was leaving, on a quick trip to Tokyo to settle the last of her case. "Boredom doesn't suit you." He remarked as he handed her a list of errands to run on his absence. Shopping for the large estate, mostly.

It was the first time they went to bed on bad terms, and the room was colder without his embrace. When Kagome woke from her troubled sleep the next morning he was gone. She resolved to turn the errand run to Niigata into a trip with Chiyo, who couldn't be happier to tag along. She marveled at the most trivial things, and Kagome laughed at her excitement, but she couldn't shake her worry.

November 27th 1996

Kagome got up and stumbled around trying to find her sweatpants. ‘I’m going to be late for training.’ She thought as she watched the digits on the clock change to 5:03. Then she paused. ‘I don’t train with the Taijiya anymore.’ She realized. The snoring at her side wasn’t aunt Akari, but Chiyo. She rubbed her face. She had slept soundly for the first time in months, and now she felt restless.

Kagome threw her coat on over the previous day’s clothes and went down to the lobby. It was a small business hotel, with few patrons. The business center was open, boasting a novel Macintosh computer, and a fax machine. She sat on the office chair and twirled around bored. She didn’t know why, but she reached for the phone and dialed the barely familiar number.

The phone rang only once before a woman picked up. “Tamaki residence, how may I help you?” The voice was cheery and awake, even at the early hour. Kagome froze. Seconds ticked by until the woman on the other side groaned. “You know you almost got my best student arrested?”

“Trespassing is a crime.” Kagome retorted. Silence enveloped them again but neither hung up.

“I’m sorry.” Sango said, finally. “I didn’t know they would try to cut your tree. I swear. I’m really sorry.” Her voice was wobbly, and she paused for a second. “I hope you’re happy with your husband.”

“We are.” Kagome replied, but her voice sounded alien. “You know what I dreamt the other day? That incident with your brother -it must be about five years ago now. Do you remember?” She paused to her Sango’s hum of agreement. “He’d stolen medicine from us. Some old antidote for epilepsy. I think it’s made of bone marrow. Well, it might be the same one that cured Taisho Touga.” Kagome whispered into the phone.

She could hear static as Sango breathed into the mouthpiece on the other side. “His ancestors used youkai medicine. So what? Ours did too.” She resolved.

“I don’t think that’s the whole thing. They have more stuff. Weapons.” ‘My sword’ she almost said, but stopped herself. The missing sword was the Higurashi’s greatest secret. “My father talked about collectors often, but I never met any. I don’t know, maybe this is the kind of people that spend money on relics.” She babbled.

“Look ‘gome” Sango said on the other side. “They probably are. What do you want me to say?"

  
"You don't understand." Kagome said exasperated. "In Tokyo he was just a man. I could live without digging his past. But here, with his whole family, everything is different. I have this bad premonition all the time and I can't ignore it." She admitted aloud for the first time.

  
"If you keep on digging you’ll find something eventually. The question is what you'll do when you find it." Sango said, sounding displeased. "I know you hate this life, and I… I hate it too. You have our chance to live normally, so take it.” She paused and drew a deep breath. “I have to start the training now. Forget about the whole thing. Be happy. I saw your wedding pictures on the newspaper. You look good together."

  
“Thank you.” Kagome managed to utter before the call disconnected. She stared at the phone in her hand, unsure of what to do. Sango hadn’t said anything new -she was aware the best course of action was ignoring the Armory, the nightmares. But she couldn’t. As Kagome stood to leave, the fax machine beeped into life. It creaked and dinged, as slowly the copy of a handwritten note appeared before her._ Answers: Saito Miroku. 109-8 Onagatani street, Toyosaka. Good luck ‘gome._ Her brow furrowed as she tried to decipher Sango’s cryptic message.

  
She asked the man at the front desk. Sure enough, Toyosaka was a few stops away on the bullet train. If she hurried she could get on the six o’clock service and make the half hour journey. Kagome’s pulse quickened as a plan began forming in her head. She could be back by eight. Chiyo would hardly notice. ‘I could even order her into silence, if it comes to that.’ She realized. “Which way to the station?” Kagome asked.

She lost her way a few times before she got to the address. 'I guess it will be a quick visit.' She bargained with herself. The street was lined with arcades and izakayas, closed at the early hour. The acrid smell of beer lingered in the air as she approached the house. The long parcel had a narrow facade. A tiny garden to the front thrived on neglect, overflowing in weeds and clay pots. On the veranda of the house, a young man was sleeping, slumped on a chair. He was holding a coffee can loosely in his fingers, the contents having spilled long ago over his sweatshirt.

"Excuse me" Kagome said softly, but it was enough to rouse the man, who shook his head startled. "Are you Saito Miroku?" She asked as the man tried to rub the sleep from his eyes.

  
He nodded and stood up slowly, disoriented still. He muttered something about traitorous naps as he scrambled to collect the cardboard boxes and bubble wrap on the floor around him. “I’m sorry my lady, but I’m in the middle of an emergency shipment. Come back some other time.” He said.

Kagome looked at the overflow of clay vases and the clumsy man. “I’ll help you pack. But you have to answer my questions.”

He had a simple method to protectively wrap vases, large or small. There were more inside his house. So many in fact, that it looked more like a large pottery workshop, with lumps of clay and pottery pieces over every surface. Between the two of them they quickly produced eighteen boxes.

“Over here!” He waved from a room near the entrance. “Come have some tea!” Kagome gladly went to what she guessed was the kitchen. More teapots and teacups littered the table, some on the chairs. She decided to stand. Miroku offered her a cup on one of his pieces. The dark clay with which it was made the liquid look like petrol, but Kagome accepted it gladly. “Sorry for exploiting you.” He apologized.

“On the contrary, thank you for your hospitality. I’m Kagome.” She said with a nod, finally taking in the disheveled appearance of the man. He was wearing a black sweatshirt and pants, but they were so washed out they looked almost purple. His hair was in a little ponytail, and a few strands brushed against his earrings. Despite the cold he was wearing only sandals.

“Do you make all of these yourself?” Kagome asked, meaning obviously the pottery. She walked around the room carefully, looking at the different pieces.

  
He nodded excitedly. “It’s a new venture! The clay here is very peculiar, notice the rich dark color? It’s all natural!” He said proudly. His wording was a little weird, perhaps it was the dialect of the region.

“These are beautiful Miroku, congratulations! You must be a master.” Kagome said, inspecting a lucky racoon statue from up close. The color was remarkable, as he had said. A perfect black and where the light hit it, it looked indigo. “Are you by any chance a famous artist? Your work looks familiar.” ‘Where have I seen these things before?’ She wondered.

“Ha! I wish. It hardly pays the bills.” he confessed. He was around Kagome’s age, and she found herself enjoying the company of someone young and careless after so long. “You know, I was going to ask you the same. I think I’ve seen your face somewhere.”

Kagome pointed at her mismatched clothes and tousled hair. “I don’t think so.” Out of the corner of her eye she spied the stacks of old newspapers and, for some unknown reason, hoped there were no articles about her wedding.

Miroku’s gaze was a little more than inquisitive as he looked at her. He rubbed at a nasty scar on his right hand and looked away. “You know, the pay might not be much but I like it. The family trade was making prayer beads. It was bad business, so I rebranded.” A dark cloud passed over his face, but it was gone as quickly as it came. “You said you have questions. How can I help you?”

“I came here to ask about Taisho-”

And then she saw it. Between two large kettles was a discarded necklace. A string of polished clay beads, somewhere between midnight and charcoal. As in a dream, her hand reached for them and she lifted it up. “Did you make prayer beads, or subjugation beads?” She asked Miroku over her shoulder. On a normal person it would have prompted a vacant stare, a question about the wording. But Miroku’s pained expression was all the confirmation she needed. He closed his eyes and furrowed his brow.

  
“So it’s as I feared, Kagome.” He said, his voice suddenly deeper, serious. “You’re here after a demon aren’t you? I suspected the moment I saw you, shooting reiki hither and yon.” He shook his head. “Nothing good comes out of that whole business. Perhaps you should drop your investigation on the Taisho and look up what happened to the Higurashi instead."

  
The coincidence took Kagome aback. For a second she wanted to tell him, so badly. Tell him that she knew first hand what had happened. But her lips remained sealed. She hugged herself, suddenly cold.

  
He misunderstood her hesitance. “Our ‘business’ is not right. I don’t make subjugation beads anymore and you should move on too.” Miroku said firmly, trying to look her in the eye, but Kagome avoided him. “The Taisho are a dead end anyways. A little pompous and weird looking, that’s all. You could get in serious legal trouble for trespassing on their land.”

  
At some point omission becomes lie, and Kagome had crossed it. It felt cruel to let the man go on warning her of the Taisho and Higurashi when she was both. And besides, he had already said the Taisho were normal. “I’ll keep my distance.” Kagome said, surprised at the disappointment in her voice.

  
Miroku was looking at her sadly. “I don’t believe that somehow.” He admitted, and reached behind him for a flier that he handed her. It read ‘The Wandering Monk Pottery’ over a cartoon Buddha. “There’s my phone number there. If you get in trouble in the area you can call me.”

  
Kagome reached out for it, and he seized her hand. “I’m only saying this because I would hate to see a lady such as you in a perilous situation.” Miroku said, a sultry spark in his eyes.

She froze. “I’m married.” Was all she could manage, unprepared for his advance.

  
“Oh!” Miroku instantly released her hands and brought his into his pockets. “Oh, I’m really sorry about that. Well, unless you have anymore questions, I need to get back to packaging.” Kagome shook her head dejected, and showed herself out. As she walked into the garden she tucked the flier into the breast pocket of her coat.

  
“Miss!” Miroku shouted, running behind her. “Hey miss!” He let the door slam behind him. “Miss, I need you to return that necklace!” He said, a frantic look on his face as he approached her.

“What?” Kagome said, startled as she slowly retrieved her hand from her pocket.

  
“Kagome, that necklace is not a toy. Give it back!” He launched himself at her, grabbing at her coat. Kagome pushed him away strongly, but she stumbled with a vase on the floor and fell face first, hitting her chin.

  
Miroku whirred around and clutched at her desperately. “Give it back!” He cried, grabbing at her breast. Kagome shrieked and kneed his side, scurrying away on all fours into the sidewalk.

  
“Pervert!” She shouted. The few people on the street were watching the scene. A group of older women rushed to Kagome, and a blue sedan lulled to a stop close by.

  
Miroku got to his feet slowly, noticing they weren’t alone anymore. He breathed heavily and extended his scarred hand towards her. At the very center of the scar the light practically went through his thinned flesh. “This is what I got from making those necklaces. It’s up to you if you use it.” He looked at her challenging, but his hand was shaking. Then he turned away and locked himself inside his house.

  
Kagome stood bewildered. The women gave her a handkerchief to clean the blood on her chin and helped her get back to the station. Even on the train back she kept looking over her shoulder, feeling vulnerable.

  
Downtown, the glass doors of the hotel showed her disheveled reflection briefly before they opened. Kagome gave a sigh of relief at entering the hotel. And then, inevitably, her eyes went to a very white head by the front desk.

  
It was Taisho Sesshomaru, borrowing the phone from the clerk. “So Kagome isn’t out of the shower yet.” He spoke calmly into the phone, looking directly at her. “How interesting.” He said, and hung up. In a lazy movement, he presented her with the bouquet of red roses in his hand.

  
The ride up on the elevator was tense. She could feel his eyes on her bloody chin, the dust on her hair. The rip on Kimi’s marvelous coat. The flowers felt wrong in her scratched hand. When she opened the door to the room a relieved Chiyo looked at her, before her face fell when she noticed Sesshomaru behind. “Out.” He ordered, and she complied, curlers in her hair and all.

  
Kagome plopped on the bed and took a deep breath to steel herself for a scolding. Sesshomaru unbuttoned his wool coat serenely, and leaned against the desk in front of her. He was looking at her with something akin to a smile. “Our first month together. I wanted to treat you to breakfast and champagne, but we can do this instead.” He said coldly.

Kagome huffed. “I just went out for a walk and I tripped. What, do I have to get permission?”

  
He shook his head minutely. “You’re free to do as you please with your time. It only worries me that you keep endangering yourself. Going out into a storm, crashing a car. Now you made Chiyo lie for you.”

Kagome snorted and looked away. It would be easier if he were just mad. “I didn’t tell her to.” She mumbled.

  
Sesshomaru waited for her to elaborate but she didn’t. “Your aunt told me you would go on walks when you lived with her as well. And then you would return beaten and bruised. Are you getting into fights?” His brow was furrowed in genuine confusion.

Kagome felt like pulling her hair out. “Akari…” She couldn’t help but groan. “I was taking judo classes. That’s all.”

  
“Hn.” He didn't buy it for a second. “Some excellent teacher you chose. What’s the name of the studio? The address?”

  
“Look, it doesn’t matter. I’m not going back. We don't have to talk about it.” She snapped.

  
Sesshomaru reached out to brush her windswept hair away from her face. He’d done it a dozen times, but his light touch felt like a farewell. He spoke quietly. “If you act like a child, Kagome, you leave me no choice but to treat you as one.”

  
‘Maybe’ said a small, hopeful voice inside of her, ‘maybe I can trust him.’ “Do you remember the contract? The marriage contract?” She began, uncertain of how to undo the raveled mess.

  
Sesshomaru nodded, indulging her like one would a kid. “What about it?”

  
“Nothing.” Kagome said in a sigh. It just wasn’t the time. She’d sound like an even worst lunatic. She placed the flowers on the bed and got up to pack. The trip was clearly over.

They went for breakfast after she made herself presentable. Something felt too careful, too practiced in the way Sesshomaru treated her. She didn’t like it. Jaken was waiting when they got back and so he drove them to the manor. Chiyo hummed some sad blues song next to her on the drive back. As they entered Taisho grounds hail began to fall from the heavens, finally matching Kagome’s troubled mood.

  
Nobunari was waiting by the entrance, and he rushed with an umbrella for them. “How was your trip, auntie?” He asked Kagome. It’s as if he could smell her missadventure and gloated in it. A grin crossed his handsome face.

  
“You’ll be accompanying my wife on all her errands from now on.” Sesshomaru announced to both of them once inside the house. Then he took Chiyo aside to speak privately, perhaps to send her away.

  
Kagome watched it all happen. She felt detached, like it was only the sad part of a movie and not her life. But slowly the weight of the situation started to set in. The desperation. Her hand reached into her back pocket, were she kept a string of hope. A necklace of perfect clay beads.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sometimes we answer to the call of madness.


	9. Apostasy

May 16th 1992

There are moments that define a person. Certain tests in life come around only once, and if failed, are failed forever. A Higurashi miko of a pure heart would have comforted the boy and purified the dark spirits around him. Kagome ran.

For years Kagome would remember that boiler room. The rotten sweet smell. Jars of a shiny black clay cracked open, hunks of dry meat and shredded sutras. And in the midst of it all, a thin boy bent over. There was no separating the pulsing demon body from his sickly own. Youkai, a combination of them, feeding from his flesh and his very soul since he’d freed them. Slowly he turned their way. If nothing else, the freckles on his cheeks were the same. So were his big brown eyes, looking at her like a stricken deer. "I didn’t mean to unleash it." Kohaku said in a whimper.

‘Then why aren't you fighting them?’ Kagome asked herself over and over. She could feel the sunlight and the wind on her skin, but her mind was still in the dark room. She grabbed the gate, pulled and pushed like a madman. But it would not budge.

"Would you stop that?" A girl shouted behind her. "It's locked alright? Just wait!" She said exasperated. "I thought you were the Higurashi priestess."

Kagome forced herself to focus on her. She was about her age, dressed in sweatpants. Her ponytail was tight and high on her head. "I'm not a priestess." She finally answered. "I don't want anything to do with that or whatever is going on in that room-" She stopped at the girl’s pained expression. “Sorry. I’m sure my grandpa can help. He’s the real priest.”

The girl nodded sadly. “My name is Sango.” She offered.

“I'm Kagome.” She replied. “Can you tell me what’s going on Sango?”

It started out innocently enough. Kohaku was intrigued by the youkai relics the Higurashi could craft. His ability to sense auras was remarkable, as his spiritual gifts. So pretty soon he was charged with caring for the relics, and making priceless remedies from preserved viscera. Kohaku’s family disapproved, but the boy was fascinated, and so he kept his new lessons a secret.

The Taijiya may not create relics, but they sure used them -in their arsenal Kohaku found weapons with a strong youkai aura, pulsing still. So he tinkered around with their binding spells. He started acting different. It was Sango who found him in the boiler room that day. His sister had barely recognized him.

“I don’t know what kind of youkai it is. My father won’t tell me.” Sango admitted. She looked away and struggled to find the words. “There’s some wretched thing there whispering into my brother’s ear…” Sango trembled in disgust.

“We’ll fix this.” Kagome promised blindly.

Sango snorted and got up. “You say that, but in a way, none of this would have happened if it weren’t for your family’s dealings.” She said, eyes on the house. “Your black magic.”

Kagome felt like she might throw up. “You’re right.” She admitted with a furrowed brow. An inner force pulled her then, to stand and go to the boiler room. The smell was even worse than before. Masao and Shako were praying as the older man stuck sutras on the open relics. Kagome walked past them.

Her hands were blazing when she touched Kohaku’s temples. His skin was clammy and cold. His skull felt soft and pliable under her fingertips. The boy hissed and struggled, but Kagome held him. It barely felt like touching a person at all. “Spit it out.” She said, not really knowing why. Kohaku reeled back, away from her, and reteched a trickle of dark, sticky substance. He heaved several times, producing more and more droplets. And as he did, the pulsing, strange limbs that both grew from him and grabbed him stilled. Decayed.

Kagome walked away from the draining feel of the room. All her instincts were to escape the impossibility of what she was seeing. “Kagome!” Her grandfather exclaimed, running after her.

She spun on her heel, angry at him. “What was that?” She demanded, but she didn’t wait for an answer. “All my life you've pointed out people as being youkai for the slightest thing. Sick elders, and town drifters, even mangy bears. And now you’re telling me this is what we keep in our storehouse? That thing in there was...was…” She struggled for the word.

“Witchery.” Masao finished for her. “Of the worst kind. Let me finish this, and we’ll talk.”

It was getting dark by the time the Higurashi patriarch was done. They walked back home, crossing through a park. Crickets were chirping loudly. From afar they heard the shouts of a friendly soccer match.

“My great great aunt was the last Higurashi priestess.” Masao began. “Well, the last names made it complicated, as actual priestesses couldn’t pass on the name to their children.” He paused and cleared his throat. “What I mean to say is, until then our family’s craft was quite different. It was a line of healing miko. Like you.” He said, and turned to look at Kagome. She avoided his eyes, angry.

“The men would fight the youkai that terrorized villagers. In the times of my grandfather it was still a common occurrence, you know? He perfected a way to do it. People from all over the country hired his services.” Masao fell silent as a group of teenagers walked past them, shouting and making noise. Kagome looked at them and couldn’t help feeling envious of their light hearted banter, their trivial lives.

“I suppose that’s when it became a discipline of its own.” Masao pressed on. “But it’s my fault it turned into a sport. I taught your father not to wait for a call, but to go out there and find youkai. And now it’s like a game for him and his students. I think for your brother too.” Kagome finally turned to see him and he managed a small smile, despite the crushing guilt that hung over him.

“I’m never going hunting. I won’t add onto whatever you’re collecting.” Kagome declared.

Her grandfather chuckled humorlessly. “I’m not sure that will be enough. No, if you’re going to make a vow, then promise me this,” He looked up into Kagome’s eyes. “When I’m dead, you’ll visit the Bone Eater’s Well and lead the Higurashi to a new age. One of healing priestesses instead of grave robbers.” He said seriously.

Kagome’s heart skipped a beat “Your cancer is back?” She asked.

Masao looked away. “Promise me.” He insisted.

Kagome shook her head. “No.” She breathed. “After what I saw today… I can’t do it, Jii san, never again. I want nothing to do with your well. I renounce youkai hunting. Forever.” The old man nodded gravely, and they walked the rest of the way in companionable silence.

December 7th 1996

Kagome fought, half asleep, to escape her nightmare. Finally, she opened her eyes to the now familiar wooden wall. Her blood pressure felt high. She could taste bitter bile at the back of her throat. But she was finally awake. Slowly her body remembered how to move once more, and her breathing normalized.

The dim blue glow of foreday covered the room. It couldn’t be past five in the morning, but she knew attempting sleep was futile. Without Mariko and Mei laying out their bedding close together, her futon had inched further and further away from Sesshomaru’s each night. Kagome got dressed quietly and left the room without waking him. Nobunari would be waiting by the stairs, having picked up on her insomnia early on. Without a word they headed out for her morning walk, by now a routine.

It was strange, how quick and how easy it was for Kagome to fall into a truce with her husband. Their marriage was a thin, shiny veneer. Not to be dug into, nor even scratched. Their unspoken arrangement was to maintain all politeness while staying out of each other’s way. It was fine by her. She felt too tired constantly to attempt anything else. Nightmares would make her give up on sleep before dawn. By the time she returned in the late morning Sesshomaru was gone, and not even his scent lingered in the room.

Inside the home Kagome was free of Nobunari. And after her walks, worn as she may be she found herself going over her training. She practiced basic defenses, a hundred times each. She imagined her old bow in her hands, imagined shooting out the window at made up targets.

Then she’d inefficiently go over the affairs of the estate -bills, shopping lists, budget for the endless maintenance of an ancient house. Lunch she had alone, followed by an ineffective nap. After which, Kagome would often find herself in the main hall, waiting for him. So instead she decided to entertain herself with the other Taisho.

Chiyo and Masamichi left, presumably for his city job. The Niigata escapade might have something to do with their speedy goodbyes. There was her unofficial escort, Nobunari, who Kagome found she couldn’t stand, so she turned to the older crowd. Kimi and Yone were good fun, although they smoked too much. Sakon was willing to teach her to paint landscapes, but Kagome found him too terrifying to keep company. Finally she stumbled on Nagasada in the library, bringing in boxes of new books. He gave Kagome dozens of volumes he declared essential. Most were on war history, and while she had never cared about the subject, it proved a good distraction.

It was fine. This way she could think about persian archers or dutch trade ships during dinner, and it made the whole affair endurable. Sesshomaru would sit at the opposite end of the table, listening to his relatives but looking at her. It was a daily reminder that she couldn't actually read his face. Maybe he was still bitter, or forlorn. 'He probably feels nothing at all.' Kagome concluded.

After dinner was the tricky part. Sometimes she would join Kimi for a nightcap, stalling. Then she could go back to her room, and brave the silence between them. On occasion she dismissed any help and cleaned up after dinner on her own, to have some more time by herself. The kitchen became a place of solace, to be busy and not tense for a moment.

‘But when have I ever gotten a break?’ Kagome thought, as she noticed Sesshomaru walk in quietly, like a shy cat approaches a stranger. He carried a single dirty teacup as excuse for his intrusion. He advanced to the controlled chaos of the kitchen, slowly but surely to her. He placed the cup next to the sink and observed her. She scrubbed at the burnt pot harder, ignoring the painfully cold water.

It wasn’t fair. She was used to being the tall one, and it was always disturbing to remember how much taller he was. He towered over her, completely still. “Why do I have to find out from other people that you’ve been to the hospital?” He said finally, more a reproach than it was a question.

Kagome let the soapy sponge fall from her hands and dried her hands roughly with her apron. ‘Those snakes’ she thought, wondering who had ratted her out, Jaken or Nobunari. ‘Probably both.’ In a light bubbly tone she said “It’s nothing really! I needed a refill of my birth control, and the checkup is mandatory. I forgot to explain that to Nobunari. Was he worried?”

She almost didn’t catch the slight shake of his head. ‘Jaken then?’ She thought surprised. “Well, since you’re interested in the topic, here goes. I was late this month.” She met his admonishing gaze. “There’s no baby, so don’t worry about that. Doctor says it might be exhaustion and I should try to sleep more.” Her eyes followed as Sesshomaru placed his hand over the kitchen counter, trapping her in the corner. “I should probably go to bed now.” She mumbled.

“You would withhold such information.” He stated coldly.

“Listen up, pal” Kagome snapped, and poked him in the chest. “You can play feudal lord with your family if you want, but my body is my business. In Tokyo you said you wanted a spouse for the public eye and I could have my private life. You. Said. So!” She said, punctuating her words with pokes at him. He grabbed her poking had in his own and brought it up to his warm cheek. It disturbed her to feel stubble on his chin when she had never noticed facial hair in all their time together. “Sesshomaru you’re creeping me out.” She admitted.

He pressed her knuckles to his lips. “Then I must apologize.” He whispered, his hot breath a tickle on her skin.

“For not keeping up your end of the bargain?” Kagome suggested as she drew back her hand to her own chest, protectively.

“Hn.” His eyes were fixed on her hand, between her breasts, and she regretted the placement. “No.” He said finally and he reached out behind her to unfasten her apron. “It seems I’ve grown too attached to uphold our agreement.” He confessed without a shred of remorse. Kagome found herself slipping into the hypnotic trance of desire. She tilted her head forward, allowing him to remove the apron, and sighed as he placed a light kiss on her neck. Her leg gave a traitorous step towards him.

She tightened her hands into fists. “No.” Her voice was firm. “That wasn’t our arrangement. I want things back to how they were: nice and shallow. And no more Nobunari following me.” Kagome demanded. “Otherwise I’m moving back to Tokyo.” She added quickly, taking the chance to barter.

He absently closed the distance between them, running a hand through her hair. “How,” he asked quietly, “shall I stop caring about you?” His fingers found a knot and he brought the strand up to inhale its scent before disentangling his hand from it. He let his hand drop to caress her cheek, her neck, down to her chest. She could almost sigh in contentment. Almost.

“You’re not being fair.” She tried to keep her voice even, refusing to respond to his touch. “Being attached is not spying on people. Caring is not treating someone like a child.” He ignored her, kissing at her collarbone how he knew she liked best. His hand had found its way to her breast under her sweater, and even with the thick fabric of her bra in the way she shivered at his touch. With his other hand he was guiding her up onto the counter. She resisted. “Sesshomaru?”

He met her gaze, eyelids heavy with arousal. “I’m not leaving you alone until I’m certain you won’t endanger yourself. Either here with me, or in the city with Nobunari. Your choice.” He asserted.

Kagome nudged him away, having sobered up from his touch. “Well, at least you’re honest.” She conceded as she made her way past him.

She felt bone tired, and yet she fought to stay awake. Bundled up in her corner, Kagome could faintly hear him making calls well into the night. She closed her eyes for a second and when she opened them Sesshomaru was pulling up the covers around her. She reached out for his hand and the pull she felt to him, to his touch, was nearly painful. “I like you better as a sham husband. Let’s go back to that.” She pleaded. He brushed her hair away from her face tenderly before leaving to his own futon.

In her dream she was again a hateful little creature, crawling on four legs. Her fur had fallen off a long time ago. She meandered in a clean, sterile building until a delicious scent reached her nuzzle. She knew she shouldn't go, but it was a dream, and so she did. She ran on her old, ruined legs towards the smell of fried pork, until she burst into the room it came from, so cold. There were three metal tables, each with a twisted black creature, ugly like her. They smelled just like burnt bacon, and her mouth watered as she approached.

Kagome managed to snap out of it in time. She opened her eyes to the now familiar wooden wall. ‘The morgue again.’ She thought as her body remembered how to move. It was a recurring dream from when she had identified her family’s bodies, and that disgusting smell still terrified her.

She always woke up facing the same wall, almost as if she’d crawled toward it in her sleep. She turned around to check if Sesshomaru was still asleep. It was much later, she realized, maybe past nine. His bedding had been put away.

It was a good day to change up her routine. After a long hot shower she lazily picked out something to wear and headed to the library, taking some work to look over. She stopped at the threshold when she noticed Sesshomaru there speaking to Nagasada quietly.

“Ah, Kagome sama! Good morning!” Nagasada chirped brightly, choosing the wrong time to be aware and social instead of a bookworm. “Come right in, I think you’ll find this very interesting.” He pointed at the magazine he held in his hands.

“Good morning, Naga.” Kagome answered, uncomfortable. She remembered to bow lightly to Sesshomaru, as she was supposed to do in public. “You’re not at work.” She managed as greeting and tucked a damp strand of hair behind her ear.

Sesshomaru looked amused. “It’s Sunday.” he said, a smile tugging at his lips.

“Uh-huh, right here.” Nagasada interrupted, handing the magazine to Kagome. It was a finance journal, and she remembered vaguely that he was an economist. She skimmed the page rife with news about the burst of the real estate bubble. Nagasada pointed again at a paragraph. “This is the company that bought your family’s land isn’t it?” He said expectantly.

“Ah yes, it’s them.” Kagome mumbled. She looked up at the wicked glee in Naga’s face and Sesshomaru’s aloof expression. “They went bankrupt?” She ventured.

“Even better! They’re accused of fraud and their assets are frozen!” Nagasada exclaimed and shook his fist triumphantly. “This is great news!” He confided in Kagome. “It means they won’t be able to build on your land. By the time this clears up, you could -you could even buy it back!” His voice had escalated from his usual murmur to a squeal.

Kagome smiled, unsure. “I didn’t fetch a good price.” She confessed.

“That’s why we’ll invest half of it abroad and pull back when it’s time to buy- I mean, ah…” He stopped, suddenly shy. “I’d be glad to help you, but ah, if you want to do it on your own then, of course…”

Kagome smiled, feeling warmth spreading from her chest for the first time in a long while. “I would love to have your help in recovering the Higurashi Shrine. Thank you for this.” She said.

Nagasada smiled back just as wide, but shook his head. “It was Taisho sama who had the idea. I was just running a projection on how long it could take.” He pointed at a scribbled notebook Sesshomaru was holding.

She looked at her husband, unable to contain her joy. His brow was furrowed as he read the messy handwriting. “Five years.” He determined, meeting her gaze.

Nagasada huffed. “At most! The optimistic prediction is thirty months, and I know I can get it in that time. You’ll see.” Nagasada boasted. He noticed the couple was still lost in each other and he deflated a little. “I ah-I’m going to run the numbers again.” He said defeated and walked out.

“Thanks.” She managed to say before he left the room. She watched Nagasada retreat and then turned to Sesshomaru and the mess of feelings between them. Kagome took a deep breath to consider her words “I don’t think I’ve ever thanked you.”

He was in sore need of a haircut, and dressed in his rather conservative clothes like the Taisho were wont to do. But even so, right then, bathed in golden morning light she recognized for the first time that he was not just handsome. He was a beautiful man, white hair and all, and she had been a fool not to notice earlier.

She cleared her throat. “So here goes. You came to my defense when I needed help desperately. You offered to marry me and take me in. You paid for that obscene wedding.” She chuckled. “And now you want to help me regain my family’s land.” Her vision blurred as tears, the happy kind, obscured it. “Sesshomaru, I’ve never been more grateful-”

“No.” He interrupted.

Kagome’s brow creased. “I want to thank you.”

He walked closer and absently ran his thumb over her forehead, smoothing out her frown. “You will not.” He pressed his lips to hers, not really a kiss, and then tucked her head under his chin, content in their closeness.

‘Strange man.’ She thought. She wondered if perhaps he didn’t want her to feel indebted. Maybe he didn't appreciate the wall of politeness between them. He might even feel like he was buying her affections. Kagome closed her eyes and let herself enjoy his musky scent.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Reviews make my write so, so much faster


	10. Scrutiny

December 7th 1996

It was as if her feelings regressed further the longer they were together. Before, when they barely knew each other, it was easy to flirt and have shallow crushes. Now that complex realities had spilled over, Kagome found herself more cautious, hiding how her heart beat for him.

  
The buyback of the Shrine was a peace offering, a start over. That night she dragged her futon back to the center, next to his. They sat and went over the plan, and Kagome found herself talking about her home to him for the first time. The cramped yellow kitchen, her pink curtains, the steps she fell down often. She edged around her family members. Sesshomaru looked at her expectantly everytime she stumbled on a name. His worry stems from her reluctance to discuss her family, she knew. And yet she couldn't talk about them. Not yet.

  
Taisho expected other things in this new non-arrangement that was forming between them. She had convinced herself of knowing him after a month of dates. She had surely grasped the facade, but not his complex inner workings. Sesshomaru had championed her cause and provided her with a new life. In turn he required devotion, absolute.

  
He started coming home earlier and earlier, which was good. But then Kagome noticed how everyone was careful not to take up any of her time, time she was to devote to him only. There was also a difference to the way he saw her, touched her. There had always been chemistry between them but Kagome knew she was glimpsing something much deeper. One night talking became kissing became holding, and she could feel the change in him. She turned away from him the slightest, and Sesshomaru pulled back immediately. He was even more careful than her of unleashing himself.

  
So they become friends of sorts. He talked more about his work and challenges. About the other part of being a clan leader too. Not the pomp and protocol. But of handling the funds and properties of an age-old family, making sure everyone gets something and at the same time contributes. It was a delicate balance between riches and bankruptcy.

Evidently, Taisho was not used to opening up about himself, yet he was leading the way. In the gardens, their words turned to clouds of steam in the frigid air, as Sesshomaru shared few, eloquent thoughts on what, if any, meaning there is to life. More little things come to the surface. Poor thing has an unfortunately keen sense of smell, and he can't abide her perfume. He meditates daily. He has a curiosity for anything new.

  
‘Once’ Kagome remembered ‘I was transparent and light’. That had been ages ago, so she was left to work with who she was then. “I’m a pretty decent archer.” She offered one day, out of the blue, showing her calloused right hand as proof. They proceeded to have a competition at the Small House, as Taisho required a demonstration. Yone won first place, Nagasada last.

  
Over all, Sesshomaru was looking for someone he could depend on, and yet he didn’t trust her really. Nobunari was still her escort, following on every mundane errand when he was gone. Sesshomaru might his have shared dreams with her until late night. But come morning Kagome would have an escort when she left for a walk. She could feel his presence right behind her, a reminder that Taisho had been raised to be powerful, not fair.

December 19th 1996

Her heart was a nervous beat in her chest as she stepped out onto the veranda. A small crowd with silver hair stood outside, to be welcomed by their leader for the celebrations. Every Taisho man available had made his way to the ancient estate on the anniversary of the founding of their house.  
They stood divided as the eight branches of the clan. Most were very handsome, Kagome had to admit to herself. And yet she felt uneasy. It didn’t escape her notice that only her and the staff had black hair.

The difference was accentuated by their kimono -a sea of Taisho silver-white, punctuated with the colors and crests of their particular house. Sesshomaru’s and hers had red hexagons and a cherry blossom. The Akasen displayed two intertwined diamonds on deep red.The Kiro Taisho -Mariko’s father, she suspected- a yellow bamboo shoot. She skimmed over the many colors and new faces until she came to rest on a pair of familiar ones.

Masamichi and Chiyo were at the front of the Tsume Branch, proudly displaying the simple three lines in a circle that made their crest. Chiyo sneaked a smile towards her between dull procedures, and Kagome smiled back, missing her sorely. She waited with barely contained impatience for the ceremony to be over.

Then the males of the clan would pay their respects at the sanctuary and renew their fealty to Sesshomaru, the head of clan, as they did every five years. All except Nobunari, his right hand man, whose task was to stay behind and keep the women safe. Kagome discreetly rolled her eyes at the conceited boy. She knew part of his popularity came from having found her that evening with the flat tire. Finally Sesshomaru said his farewell to her. A simple “Please come back safely” from the wife was expected. At last they left.

Kagome wasted no time in going over to Chiyo and embracing her with her left arm. “I’m so glad to see you again.” She breathed out. She step back and raised her eyebrows after examining Chiyo’s bouncy blowout that had replaced her stiff pin curls.

Chiyo snickered. “You thought I had been dishonorably discharged like that Mariko, didn’t you? No, we both have done quite well. I’m all settled in the city, and you- well, you’re wearing the infamous Mokomoko.” Chiyo said suggestively as she looked at the luscious fur draped over Kagome’s right shoulder.

Kagome touched the huge fluff, thicker across than her head. It was a rather extravagant part of the Taisho traditional wear. She was told the pelt came from an extinct sort of wild dog, and it was more information than she really wanted. It gave life saving warmth in the bitter cold weather, despite her moral hangups on fur. Size might belay status, but she envied Chiyo’s smaller, more practical pelt. “Sesshomaru gave this to me.” She uttered at last.

Chiyo gave a hum of agreement and linked her arm with Kagome’s. “Please come with me to greet mother. That way she can’t hold me hostage to her grievances. And then we can break out some good plum wine and catch up.”

So they did. Chiyo couldn’t resist fetching her old records and playing a strange music -Tango, Kagome would say if asked, although she wasn’t sure how she knew that. They were just settling in a nice tea room with a view of the gardens when Chiyo noticed something outside. She frowned. “Nobunari is keeping watch on us. My, he takes his role seriously.” She said troubled as she sat opposite Kagome and poked the small brazier, trying to keep the flame alive.

Kagome sighed as she spotted the man conspicuously walking just where he could get a view of them. “He’s my nanny ever since the Niigata incident, don’t you remember?” She would have slouched if the stiff obi allowed her.

Chiyo left the poker aside as she considered, jaw slack. “I didn’t think-” She began and stopped herself. Her hand was over her heart in a gesture of sympathy. “Kagome, it’s been a month.” She lamented, scandalized.

“Tell me about it. I’ve already spoken to Sesshomaru a dozen times. He’s convinced I’m a danger to myself or something.” Kagome revealed equally annoyed and embarrassed. She pulled the silly oversized fur from her shoulder and let it fall on her lap.

Chiyo’s gaze went back and forth from her, the pelt, and the man outside. “Have you done anything else since then?” She asked, meaning ‘anything stupid’. Kagome shook her head and she could practically hear the gears turning in the woman’s mind. She pulled out the decorative fan tucked into her obi and tapped her chin. “He’s taken with you, that much is obvious. He’s publicly displaying that he dotes on you. But Nobu as your guardian? No, it won’t do at all.” Chiyo mumbled. She looked at Kagome in the eye. “Have you tried withholding sex?” She inquired, as if she were suggesting switching from green tea to assam.

Kagome snorted. “We haven’t been together-”

“In a month?” Chiyo cut in with a cry. She immediately bowed and apologized for interrupting, but still she stared at Kagome bewildered.

“It’s alright.” Kagome reassured her. “To answer your question, yes, a month.” She looked down at her hands. At her wedding ring. “It’s been difficult between us. I mean in a way we're closer than ever, like friends. But there’s feelings...” She trailed off.

Chiyo nodded in understanding. “You don’t want to sleep with him and catch the feels.” She ventured.

“Ah” Kagome croaked. “I’m fine with my own feelings. Actually I’d been nursing a crush from before the wedding. Kimi put a stop to that, and really, it was for the best.” She blurted out,t lying. She took a deep breath before proceeding carefully. “But Sesshomaru is getting attached, as he has admitted. He's even possessive, and that scares me.”

Chiyo looked aghast. Despite the cold she opened her ogi with a flick and fanned her face, as she ruminated on Kagome’s confession. “Sesshomaru sama-” She began, then stopped herself and instead reached for her cup of plum wine, which she dawned in one sip. Kagome did likewise. “Well, he’s already taken with you, so what’s the harm?” Chiyo determined. She nodded after hearing her own words. “Yes, actually, it might be best to indulge the infatuation. Play out the fantasy, if you will.” She proposed, sounding more convinced by the second.

“What if you’re wrong?” Kagome countered, a frown set on her face.

Chiyo blew a raspberry as she looked out onto the garden, spotting her brother in law easily. “Well it can’t be much worse than that, can it?” The women left the question hang in the air as they sipped on the plum wine, reflecting. “If all else fails, there’s always children.” Chiyo prompted in a small voice. “Everyone says a crying baby cools the bedroom.” Kagome looked at her, incredulous of the cynical confession. Chiyo shrugged, and they both laughed.

Not long after they picked up and headed to the kitchen, were the feast had been prepared. Kagome had overseen preparations since early morning with Kimi’s patient instructions. Mei and the cook had kept the food warm and the drinks cold. Now it was all about serving the dishes. Chiyo helped. Then Kimi and Yone showed up to assist. Kagome stepped back for a second to observe their progress, and paused to appreciate the ease with which the other women moved in a kimono.

His presence always felt like an intrusion, like the man who stands too close on the subway when there’s plenty of room available. “You know, I worry about your drinking habits. I bet Taisho sama does too.” Nobunari said as he came next to her, regarding her with a bad attempt at innocence. Of all the Taisho he was the only one with brown eyes and dark eyebrows, and it unsettled her.

Kagome forced on a smile, refusing to fall to his level. “Nobu kun, if you have time to joke around, you have time to be useful. Go help the cook at once.” She commanded and enjoyed immensely how he hurried to comply.

When the rest of the men got back all was ready and the banquet went by smoothly. To her right on the table, Kimi whispered “Excellent job.” and winked. Kagome grinned, proud of herself even if it was a rather domestic achievement. She glanced at her husband every so often, sitting next to her. But Taisho might as well be in another universe. Everytime she turned there was some different member of the clan speaking to him about a problem, or a holding, or about another relative.

Sakon sat in front of her. He fell in the category of ‘strong old man’ with a hard gut sticking out and a hardened expression. But he couldn’t have been that bad if he was Chiyo’s father. He gave a small bow at her, and offered “I hear my daughter is fond of you, Kagome sama. Please be patient with her.”

“There’s no need to, really. Chiyo has been a great friend to me.” She said brightly, and then she continued, as a joke “I would ask her to come back to the Estate, if it didn’t mean separating her from Masamichi.” It was no secret to anyone with eyes that Chiyo and Masamichi were crazy about each other.  
Sakon was looking at his daughter and son-in-law, at the far end of the table. The couple was oblivious of the world around them as they played and flirted with one another.

“She swore she would never forgive me when I arranged the union. The Tsume are a lower branch, you see.” The older man said, and his raspy voice betrayed guilt. “Lower indeed.”

Kagome unwittingly leaned forward to sneak a glance at her friend. She hadn’t thought her marriage had been arranged too, although it made sense that it would. ‘And yet they’re happy.’ She told herself, hoping.

“The boys have proved themselves more adept to modern life than their pompous cousins.” Sakon continued. “Masamichi became a respected scientist. Nagasada can rub two coins together and make three. And Nobunari-” He paused as Kagome’s head whipped back to him at hearing the name. “He’s a mechanic, although you, better than anyone, know Nobu makes himself useful in many ways.” Sakon rasped and then chuckled bitterly. “A brat and a bastard, but he’s rising high!”

No one around them seemed to pay any mind to Sakon’s crude comment. Nobunari couldn’t have heard it all the way from his seat at the furthest end. And still, she felt the only other pair of brown eyes in the room searching for hers, defiant.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There was briefly another fragment at the end of this chapter. It will be posted again in Chapter 11


	11. Visibility

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was briefly posted as part of chapter 10, so some of you might have read it.  
Chapter 12 will have all new content, so stay tuned!

December 19th 1996 

The evening wore on, and group by group the Taisho excused themselves and went on their way. Kagome knew she would not remember any of their names come morning, but she tried her best. Masamichi and Chiyo were among the last to take their leave. “I shall cherish these memories.” Chiyo told Kagome repeatedly between niceties. ‘You mean don't forget. Roger that.’ She thought. Her advice felt more precious now that she knew of her circumstances.

It was past midnight when she finally retired to her room. Kagome observed herself in the mirror, inspecting the heritage kimono, the pelt, and her light makeup -done as Kimi had taught her. She felt fully a woman for the first time. And she reveled in the feeling. When Sesshomaru walked in, still in his gorgeous haori and hakama she beckoned him. He stood behind her, and they looked striking together.

“Maybe we should have chosen a Shinto wedding after all. But then again, the tabloids would go crazy with you in a kimono.” She quipped. Sesshomaru ran his hands over her arms, and Kagome had the faint suspicion he wasn't listening.

His knuckles caressed from her nape to her waist, the silken barrier of her clothes pressing against her spine. “It’s been too long.” He breathed in her ear. Her eyes slipped closed, from exhaustion as much as from any arousal she might feel. He was undoing her obi, and she let his capable hands pull away sash after sash until her robes simply hung from her. ‘I hope you’re right, Chiyo.’ Kagome prayed as she stepped out of her kimono. 

There was still her juban, plus some padding Yone had placed to even out her shape. First she folded the kimono she had been wearing, mindful that it was an antique. She tried to help Sesshomaru out of his clothes, but she didn’t have much clue as to how, so instead she just folded his garments as he passed them to her. ‘This is taking forever.’ She screamed internally as he tugged, desperate now, at her juban. Kagome caught his lips in a frantic kiss to quell his impatience when he came across her sports bra and panties. “So many clothes.” She complained as she discarded her top and he got rid of his own garments. 

Naked and trembling, she went into his arms, where she would be warm. His kiss was rougher than usual, urgent. Sesshomaru grabbed the back of her thighs and lifted her up to him. Her legs wrapped around his hips instinctively and he growled in approval. His touch was hungry and then painfully tender by turns. ‘This time is different.’ Kagome realised. She allowed herself to be pleasured, and that seemed to please him too.

‘Then why do I feel so guilty?’ She wondered. Her hands explored him as distraction, bolder than ever. She traced the exact curve of his orbital bone, followed the pulse on his neck. She memorized the tender spot where his ribs ended, and felt his muscles as he thrust into her. Her wicked explorations pushed her over the edge.

Much, much later, he was finally spent. She laid a hand over his chest as he breathed heavily and felt the throb of his heart, the beat that kept him alive. She looked down into his yellow eyes, an unfamiliar calm coming over her. “No more Nobunari.” She declared. He held her gaze for a minute, then nodded once.

December 23rd 1996

The invitation for a ski trip in Myoko was quite sudden, and from his college friends she disliked. Still, Kagome heartily encouraged him to accept. It was a chance to get away from the dullness of the estate. 

They arrived at night when the others had already settled. It was snowing and Kagome was excited about getting fresh snow to ski on the next morning. The mountain house belonged to Mori, with all its excessive decorations. She felt a little bad that Sesshomaru had to endure Takeo and Mori's flaunting of their latest trips and acquisitions. He would shoot her glances, clearly bored, from the other side of the living room every so often and she would repress a giggle.

Kagome was faring much better with their wives, who instead showed her pictures of their kids and relayed the anecdotes of diaper rash and first words. Inevitably, she became the topic. "I hope you don't mind me saying so, but Taisho san looks like a different man since he met you. Much more lively!" Takeo's wife commented.

“Beefing up too, isn’t he?” Yui asked, emboldened by the wine. “Mori gained twelve pounds after we got married, but believe me, it wasn’t muscle. No, settling down did wonders for Taisho.” She added.

Risa nodded. "It's true! I'd never seen him so changed by a woman." She added, then realized her mistake. "I mean I'd never met any of his girlfriends. Ah, no, what I mean to say is- what a lovely wedding you two had!" She tried to amend.

"I'm glad you enjoyed yourselves." Kagome cut in, hoping it wouldn't evolve into another conversation about wedding decorators. She looked up and met Sesshomaru's stare. 'Help' she tried to convey with her eyes. He understood, somehow, and made their excuses for the night.

They'd gotten the plainest room, yet Sesshomaru seemed relieved to find the bare walls and muted furniture. Kagome plopped on the bed as he turned on the heater, checked the locks on the windows and did his usual, compulsive rearranging of the room. "You need to control everything around you." Kagome mumbled, thinking aloud. It dawned on her that rather than a quirk, it was the result of years of ruling over people.

Sesshomaru stopped trying to straighten the bedside table and sat next to her. The mattress slumped under his weight and Kagome turned on her side, curling around him lazily. Her hand reached for his sweater in a slow, lazy movement. Her fingers tangled in the fabric, and she pulled, bringing him down for a sloppy kiss. In his arms the nightmares were bearable.

The next morning she rushed to get ready and dragged Sesshomaru along, impatient to ski. First they had to get her proper clothes and rent skis though. She was relieved to find his gear was also quite current -but of course, now he had switched back to the sleek, modern Taisho.

She hadn't gone skiing since her middle school field trip. Like riding a bicycle, she remembered as she went. She didn't hope to achieve Sesshomaru's level of grace, but she kept up. 'When did I let you get so fast? So strong?' Kagome pondered, every so often. When she'd met Taisho he was stiff as a board. He used to lean towards sinewy rahther than hefty. And Risa was right, he looked younger.

Myoko was surrounded by snowy peaks and frozen forests, a view taken from a painting. As she followed him down the mounatin it felt like they were the only people in the whole world, gliding down a sea of white. It was hard, very hard right then, to not feel like she was falling for him.

After lunch it started snowing heavily and they agreed to retire early. They were the first to arrive at the house. She bathed first, but when he returned to find her still in bathrobe the message was clear enough.

He was eager to please as always. Kagome wanted to believe that a little less so. That their constant sessions were in fact making his heart less fond, that he was satiable after all. Her legs were shaky, but she rolled on top of him and rode him. He hissed in pleasure and Kagome splayed her hands over his sides, memorizing the space between each of his ribs.

After a second warm shower they curled up in the sofa. Kagome's head was on his shoulder as she tried to absorb Nagasada's latest recommendation, the biography of Gaius Marius. She had gone over the same paragraph three times and remembered nothing. With sleepy eyes she spied on her husband, who was absorbed in some dry philosophy volume.

It was almost a relief when Takeo and his wife barged in, covered in snow. "Taisho, man, you're missing out! There’s poor visibility but the powder! The powder is top notch!" He exclaimed as he took off his jacket and swapped snow goggles for eyeglasses. His wife disagreed. "It's turning into a snowstorm."

"I'm sorry we left so soon. My shins were killing me." Kagome admitted.

Takeo was already pouring drinks for everyone. "Nonsense! You did fine!" He reassured her. "But today we're celebrating Taisho." He walked over to them and offered a whiskey tumbler to each. His eyes were inquisitive behind his round glasses. "I heard you won the corporate case in Niigata." He prodded, and there was both envy and admiration in his voice. His wife handed him his glass and he downed a long swig.

Sesshomaru dignified the question with a "Hn" that Kagome felt from his chest more than she heard it.

Takeo laughed gleefully and slapped the leather couch he was sitting on, clearly amused. "You old dog!" He shouted, and turned to look at Kagome. "You know that's what they call him? The hellhound!" He laughed at his own joke.

"Is that so?" Kagome offered, unsure how to react.

"Let me guess: after this Akudan Corporate will switch to your firm. I bet you're even getting promoted to senior partner, you bastard." Takeo continued, regarding Sesshomaru with camaraderie.

"Wait, you're representing Akudan?" Kagome pipped in. Even the name of the skeevy corporation gave her the creeps. They had been involved in a corrupt political scandal just the year before, and now she remembered it was in Niigata.

"Taisho could defend the devil." Takeo declared as he scooted over for his wife to sit next to him. She was nodding emphatically. 

There was noise from the entryway as Mori and his wife left their equipment in the genkan. Yui stepped in first, looking exhausted. "The weather is frightful! I don't understand how the slopes are still open!" She exclaimed. Mori was behind her, equally worn out. An inane conversation about the snow ensued.

Kagome turned to her husband, eyebrows knit in aversion. "I guess I always had the impression you defended innocent clients." She confessed in a low voice.

He placed his still full whiskey glass on the table and turned to study her. "Innocence is a rather fanciful concept, wouldn't you say?" He responded quietly.

"Everyone!" Mori raised his voice. "We have dinner reservations at seven, and I do not want to be late. Ladies, we all know you take longer to get ready." He said with a pointed look to his wife.

Kagome excused herself and went to change for something more formal. She chose a forest green dress, simply because it was the only Christmas themed garment she had and wrestled her hair into a french twist. She reached into her jewelry bag to retrieve the earrings Sesshomaru had gifted her. For a second, her fingers brushed a necklace of smooth clay beads she had hidden there, and they were warm under her touch. ‘A needle in a haystack’ she told herself. Then she found the emerald studs and put them on.

For the commute the other couples poured into Mori's Acura, while Sesshomaru and her followed in a Taisho car. Nobunari had installed winter tires, and Kagome was glad for it in the blizzard. 

The restaurant was in the lobby of a hotel. It was french cuisine, and the inside was decorated like a winter wonderland. "I don't think this is how they celebrate Christmas in France." Yui confided in Kagome, and she laughed. She realized she was a little drunk and had urgent need of the ladies room. She got lost on the way back, and ended up in the reception. She approached the front desk with a smile of tipsy confidence.

"Good evening miss, how may I help you?" The young clerk asked.

Kagome stabilized herself with a hand on the cool marble desk. "Good evening. I'm a guest at the hotel, and I really need to send a fax." She sighed. "I'm so bad at technology. Do you think you could help me?" She whined in a nasal voice.

The clerk offered her pen and paper with a slight bow. She scribbled quickly. _'There's nothing in the arcade street. But I got a token. Suspicions are growing.'_

She handed the sheet of paper to the attendant, dictated the number and thanked him profusely. She was about to head back when the clerk called to her.

"This arrived. Maybe they'll send the full answer in a minute. If you would be so kind to wait." He suggested. At the center of the page, there was a lone word.

'_Tree_.'

"Right." Kagome agreed, hiding her grimace. She gave the page back to the clerk. "Could you dispose of this please? I'll come by tomorrow to see if there's more." She lied, giving him her best winning smile and walked back to the restaurant. 

At their table, plates had been cleared away, replaced by martini glasses. She crossed her legs languidly and leaned close to Sesshomaru's ear. "You're right, I wouldn't want Mori behind the wheel." She conceded. Sesshomaru raised his glass of sparkling water in a mock toast.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There prevails a problem  
probably passed over:  
What purpose for palpation  
but appalling application?


	12. Sordid

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which everyone knew exactly what was going on. Even the readers, who noticed the tags.
> 
> Teeth?

December 26th 1996

They had indulged on champagne, toasting over and over on the last night of the trip. The drink had given her a headache by her third flute, lulling her into a damp sleepiness. Later, when the dream came, she could not wake up on time.

Unbidden, the wretched creature bit into the burnt bodies, and they were crunchy in her salivating mouth. Burnt, but still delicious. They tasted of power. Her body -the real one- trembled in disgust as she fought to open her eyes. Every muscle on her body was tense, her lungs some useless balls of tissue in her chest, refusing to take in air.

Awake, she was greeted with the alabaster throat of Sesshomaru, who slept peacefully. And yet the hunger remained. Her breath was labored as she contained her urge to bite his well known softer spots, to dig her fingers in his eyes. Her skin burnt under the waves of- of…

‘Youki’ she thought, and her heart beat faster, her hands reached for her absent bow. 

Christmas lights outside turned on and off in haphazard patterns, revealing and then hiding a frightening ghost: the phantom of a blue moon on his forehead, stripes under his cheeks.

Kagome shook as she tried to control her urge to strike while he still slept. She pulled away from him and slipped out of the covers. The floor was painfully cold under her bare feet as she walked over to her suitcase and crouched. The snow suit, then her jewelry bag. That’s all she needed.

She flinched when she felt a warm hand over her shoulder. “Wife.” Sesshomaru said, his voice a full octave lower, drowsy. “Come back to bed”. And there it was too. An alluring void where his presence should be felt.

She tried to smile but her teeth chattered. “Another nightmare. I just need a walk, to clear my mind.” She said, pulling away from his grasp. ‘How come he stands the cold naked?’ she wondered. ‘What happened to the Taisho that wore a coat in September?’

He frowned as he looked down at her. “No.”

She tried to hide her wave of shivers in the cold room. “You get some rest and I’ll be back before you know it.” She reassured him as she pulled on a blouse.

“It’s four in the morning. You’re not going anywhere.” He insisted, practically sneering.

Kagome forced out the air she’d been holding in her chest. She made her hand release the trousers she had bunched up, nodded and went back to bed as told. He pulled her to him, his warmth quickly spreading to her, and she made herself relax little by little. ‘After the creature ate their remains, why did it grow silver hair?’ She said in her head before falling back asleep, both question and reproach.

When she opened her eyes again it was light outside, and everyone was getting ready to leave. Before they could part ways of course, there was yet another fancy restaurant Mori wanted to visit. Kagome resisted the urge to roll her eyes. It was belgian cuisine this time, although they didn’t accept reservations. To his detriment, they had to line up and wait as the rest of the commoners. Takeo was discussing some fellow named Marc Dutroux and his trial when Yui spotted a souvenir store on the corner. The women pulled Kagome along, excited to buy more trinkets.

It had the same sort of merchandise all shops of its kind carried, but they were delighted to browse among cups and fridge magnets. Kagome picked up a bag of regional tea, moving closer to the light to examine the label. The noise made her look up, and she noticed she had approached not a window but a door, opening to the other street. There were crowds of youngsters on holiday, families, and tours of foreigners walking in tight groups on the cramped sidewalks. The few vehicles that advanced slowly in the street were mostly taxis. But also a a blue sedan, and buses driving into and out of the bus station.

‘Why did the creature grow silver hair?’ she asked herself again, a reminder.

Behind her, her companions were engrossed in examining boxes of sweets with help of the shopkeeper. The guys would still be in line. She wouldn’t get an opportunity like this again. Kagome dropped the tea bag, and with feet lighter than ever, she walked away.

  
The earliest departure was a bus to Nagano, and fortunately Nagano would bring her East, closer to Tokyo. Kagome paid and ran to catch it. Once in her seat, she went over the contents of her purse. She had a postcard for Akari, her birth control, some makeup, and her jewelry bag. Basic ID too, although it all read Taisho Kagome. She didn’t have that much cash. There was the checkbook of her own account, one for the expenses of the Taisho estate, and another Sesshomaru had given her as pocket money. Hers she could use, but it was not much, with everything invested following Nagasada’s helpful instruction. Her money was at the other side of the Pacific, where it was absolutely no use to her.

‘Fool’ she told her reflection on the window of the bus. The snowy landscape changed to green forest without her notice. Inside her head, a torrent of suspicion was unstoppable. Was the Shrine buyback a scheme to take her money? Was it all a plan to leave her vulnerable? Was she being followed? Kagome let her head rest on the seat and massaged her temples.

‘What are you Sesshomaru?’ She asked herself too, but she had known for quite a while. She'd hoped, at first, that the Taisho family merely indulged in youkai flesh. Although the amount needed to feed that many people would have been frightening indeed.

All it took was a minute of him letting his diguise slip: he was a youkai himself. ‘Humans don't change shapes’ She said in her mind, and whimpered in real life. Her hands were tight over her face, containing her shame.

Kagome panicked as the bus came to a stop, and she had to reassure herself repeatedly that they had merely reached their destination. It was Nagano indeed when she climbed down. She bought a train ticket to Ueda and then Tokyo, cursing the backward city for its lacking transportation. The train wouldn’t come for another two hours. The young woman was left with precious little cash, and she walked a few blocks around the station trying to find a cheap solution to her rumbling stomach.

She almost dropped to her knees and thanked the heavens when she spotted a dingy little salon with a dirty glass window, behind which hanged a sign: _We buy hair_.

The stylist was a thin man with a slight korean accent. They haggled over the price. He said a figure and Kagome asked for double, parting her hair as proof of her abundant amount. He narrowed his eyes and ran a hand through her mane methodically- nothing like Sesshomaru’s warm caress. ‘Snap out of it.’ She told herself. The man was holding a strand between his middle and index finger, a mere inch under her earlobe. He meant to cut it that length. Kagome swallowed the hard knot at her throat and sat on the worn vinyl chair.

After the haircut she wasn’t so hungry anymore. Some of her hard earned cash went instead to a surgical mask to hide her face. Sanitary pads too. Her period came, late again, and at the worst possible time in her life.

She climbed on the train, merely a girl with short hair and a cold to anyone that looked. She took her seat, and when the train sped off, her mind did too.

Sesshomaru would have noticed by now she was gone. Was he looking for her? Had he known she was trying to escape? Ever since the incident at the armory he must have, as had Nobunari. Why, why on god’s name, had the beast grown silver hair after feeding on her family?

If Sesshomaru was looking for her, she would need to change her clothes to avoid recognition. She felt like a bigger fool everytime she glanced down at her ivory cashmere sweater and tweed skirt. It screamed rich lady in a way people were likely to remember. She could pawn her jewels for some money. ‘The Taisho jewels, not mine.’ She scowled as she thought of selling the heirloom gems. She focused instead on what she could do with the money, where she could hide.

Sleep grabbed her for a second. As her head dropped to the side, the blunt ends of her shorn hair brushed her neck. It felt like a hundred wet little fangs pouring over her, once upon a time in a dirty hut. She awakened with a start. Tokyo station had never been a more welcome sight.

All her urgency was gone once she reached the cemetery. In stunted, small steps she went to her grandfather's grave first. 'So I can tell if there's a difference.' her mind supplied. She’d be lying if she said she could feel his presence. Under the swaying shadow of a willow, she could remember her grandfather clearly. His extravagant preference for priest attire. His coarse mustache. His youkai relics.

Although there was no objective difference between his grave and her parents. Or Souta’s. Kagome crouched down and touched the damp earth. How was she to tell if someone had dug out their ashes? What if some had been taken from the morgue, as in her dream? She wouldn't ever know, and yet-

‘I didn’t leave that inciense’.

The butt of an incense stick, in bright green, was firmly placed over each gravestone. She always bought the red brand. _Red_. She pulled the sticks out and threw them away. It was mockery.

Kagome stood abruptly and walked away before she lost her temper. ‘I’ll end Sesshomaru. I will.’ She vowed in her mind. Her vision became focused ahead in her anger, and she didn't notice the young man until she almost knocked him over.

“Kagome chan!” He called after her.

She turned, surprised. “Kohaku?” It was indeed him, and she couldn’t hide how her eyes widened at the sight.

He bowed immediately, although Kagome had lost the taste for such acts of politeness. “Please accept my apologies. I was terribly rude the last time we met.”He said, then straightened and laughed at himself. “Although I wouldn’t accept if I were you. I was terrible!” He let up, and grinned. It was the careless smile of a boy, especially disarming on the face of one a man already.

Kagome studied him, perturbed. From his worn denim jacket and the hair he hadn’t managed to tame yet, to the flowers on his hands and the incense in a bright green package. “You,” she began. “You have been visiting my family’s graves?”

His smile fell at that and he nodded. “Higurashi Kenta was my teacher. I come to pay my respects whenever I can get away.” He declared, and then in a lower voice he continued. “And Souta was my baseball rival.”

A tiny, bitter sweet smile reached her lips. She had forgotten. It was a running joke between the families, how their rivalry came to be again represented in a junior baseball league. “Of course.” She answered in a low breath. She raised her hand to pat him on the head as she would have done once, then stopped when she realized he was at least an inch taller than her now. She bowed as goodbye.

“Wait!” Kohaku called out. She turned and found him looking at her with desperation. “I meant it. You don’t have to forgive me, but I meant what I said: I’m sorry.” He reiterated. Was he blushing?

“I forgive you.” Kagome reassured him. She didn’t even remember what he had said anymore, that morning. It felt like a lifetime ago. And besides, she’d seen how he kept the graves clean, how he visited her little brother. She couldn’t find it in her to be mad at him.

Kohaku’s frown looked funny, almost cute on his freckled face. He shook his head, unsatisfied. “Listen, I ah-” He stopped to think. “I’m going to Odaiba tomorrow with Sango. I know you too have unresolved issues. I’ll get her there and you can talk it out. It’s the least I can do.” He offered.

Kagome was breathless for a second. “That’s perfect.” She determined.

The rest was muscle memory. Her feet took her through stations, escalators and subway stops on autopilot. Kagome got down at her station, the one she had gone to all her life to get home, and yet it felt alien to her eyes. It had been eight months already since she last used it.

The street winding up to the temple felt more steep, too busy. She kept her head down and walked faster. A hideous fence of corrugated steel had been erected around the property. The real estate company that had bought it wanted the remnants of tragedy out of sight and out of mind. Behind the barrier, a blackened torii gate remained standing.

Kagome walked around, desperate as caged animal, although she was the one outside. Finally, at the spot where her former home adjoined with the next property, the fence cut off abruptly. She checked to see that no one was watching, and jumped in.

It was that strange hour of the evening when the sun had slipped low to illuminate the skies in glacial blue, but over the land it was already dusk. Kagome walked alone in the gloom. Darkness was a welcome shroud to hide the burnt carcass of her childhood home.

She had to cut through the bush in her impromptu entrance, instead of walking up the stairs she knew. But she got to the Sacred Tree all the same. She remembered with a smile, how she always drew her home under that same tree in her kindergarten assignments, even though the house was at the other end.

There had always been a branch that made her curious. It suck out far too perpendicular from the stem. It was lighter in color than the rest, and grew no leaves. Everyone said to ignore it, and now she knew. It was a seal.

She had no choice but to trust her tired feet to walk over a gnarled root to get closer to the seal. She could barely grab it on her tiptoes, and she pulled.

It broke away easier than she thought and still nothing happened. She placed one hand on the trunk and leaned over. With the other she touched the dent left behind. Sure enough, the rest was still stuck. Kagome propelled herself backwards and jumped off in a clumsy move. She needed a knife. An ice pick.

There were a few tools, left strewn about by the demolition company that had been taking apart the burnt shrine. She came across a hammer and rushed back. Kagome buttoned up her coat over her clothes and fixed her eyes on the tree in front of her. ‘Here goes.’ She thought before hitting the bark with the claw of the hammer. A small chunk cracked away. She pulled the bits off to uncover more of the seal -an arrow, most like.

She kept striking the bark, over and over, careful not to loose her footing. The rest of the arrow dislodged and she eagerly pulled it back with a satisfying click, while the arrowhead fell to the floor. For a second nothing happened.

Then a drop of dark orange tree sap. Another, which became a trickle, scarlet. Kagome jumped off with what grace she could muster and walked closer to the gurgling pool of sap. Those weren’t bubbles in the sap, they were dead bugs.

“Maggots” she whispered. As if on cue, something sloshed within the trea and the splattering became a downour of dark sap, with live vermin now, that convulsed as they fell.

Before she could think better of it, she twisted the hammer around in her hand and started pummeling more of bark away. An old scar on her hand opened under the dry cold and her rough handling of the tool. That side of tree was hollow, the crust having created a pocket to envelop something inside. Someone.

All of a sudden the hammer got tangled in a piece of red fabric. She'd reached the corpse inside the tree. Kagome almost lost her balance. She straightened and controlled her breathing. The bark was collapsing, falling with the mix of resin and grub. She could barely make out the crimson clothes from the liquid seeping out. But bit by bit she uncovered a familiar shade of silver in tattered locks.

It had always been upsetting to her to see someone get hurt. The way skin opens or bleeds is repelling. But seeing it heal, heal in seconds from the greedy bites of grave bugs, was vile. She had to jump down yet again as her stomach turned and tried to spill, but it lacked contents. Kagome grabbed her knees as she breathed to subdue the nausea. She heard a loud crackle.

The man had dropped from the tree, and he kept healing. Even his clothes repelled the goop, and dried as power coursed through him again. Kagome's hand went to her handbag and retrieved a velvet pouch. The subjugation beads, just in case. As soon as the rosasy came in contact with her bloody palm, the clay absorbed the liquid.

She inched closer. As color returned to his skin, or indeed he had skin again, she could tell he was a young boy. Hardly older than sixteen. Her heart dropped in her chest.

The boy gasped for air and she jumped back. He was coughing and spitting. She tried not to think of the many maggots that he vomited on the floor. She looked instead at his hands, curiously clawed. He tightened them into fists.

"Ki-" he croaked out. "Kikyo-" he could hardly speak. All that fuss the Taijiya had made, for a vulnerable hanyou. Poor boy.

Kagome crouched next to him and couldn't help the hurt in her chest at the sight. "Is your name Inuyasha?" She said softly. He managed a frown in response.

He had wild black eyebrows dominating a gentle face. And a curious detail: no pupil in his right eye. How had this kid managed on his own? She ignored her disgust at the larvae and held his dirty hair back for the boy to catch a breath. One of his hands shot out to her shoulder and tightened weakly. He was trying to claw at her.

Kagome sighed. "Hereby I bind you. I bind you to my will and word, Inuyasha." She intoned with the confidence of a woman down to her last card. He scrambled back on bare feet but the necklace was already placed. Kagome repeated her incantation six times for good measure. Even with one pupil, his golden eyes were accusing.

Puppy ears at the top of his head, amid a mass of silver hair, were drawn back. A sweet detail, wasted on the grim path that awaited them. "It'll have to do." Kagome said, not sure if she meant him, or herself, or the nightmare she had plunged herself into.


	13. Absurd

December 26th 1996

The boy wasn’t much good at all. How long he had been in the tree Kagome couldn’t tell, but neither could he.

“Well, what’s the last thing you remember? The bomb of Hiroshima? Was Tokyo the capital? Who was emperor?” She asked along a dozen other questions, but he just climbed up the tree like a scared cat.

The hanyou was in no condition to be jumping around. He was practically wheezing from the exercise, and his moves were halting and clumsy. He was stiff, as someone else she once knew.

“You’re going to hurt yourself!” She said, but he ignored her. Kagome snapped. “Inuyasha get down here.”

At once he simply let go of the tree and landed in a crouch close to her. She didn’t like the way his knees creaked upon impact. ‘Did he obey because of the beads?’ Kagome asked herself. But she couldn’t show insecurity, or the hanyou would seize the opportunity to escape. Or attack her.

No, instead she squared her shoulders and spoke up with authority. “Answer my questions. How long were you sealed?”

Inuyasha huffed out a “Keh!”and slowly stood. His scowl got even more pronounced when he looked up into the sky and noticed the blinking lights of an airplane passing over. When he spoke it was in a small voice. “A long time.”

He didn’t know much about anything really. Last he’d heard the emperor was named Katsuhito, but Kagome couldn't place it on her mental timeline. The boy didn’t know the year, hadn’t heard about any recent war, or prime minister, or what a train was. He wouldn’t say who had pinned him to the tree other than it was a miko.

Kagome used the time to examine him. His skin looked paper thin, his eyes dull, the hair tattered. The boy tried to posture as strong but under his loose robes he was almost down to the bone. And the problem was, she couldn’t just take him to the hospital.

Instead Kagome told him to wait as she went and got food for them. She got takeout for him: a hearty stew, rice and beef. For her some instant ramen from the convenience store on the way back. As she waited in line she pondered what exactly she was supposed to do with a sick hybrid from before the discovery of the New World.

She walked back quickly, trying not to spill too much of the hot ramen on her hand. Inuyasha was rooted on the same spot, where a street light illuminated the ground. She sat on the floor too, not seeing much of a point on going somewhere else. Kagome extended the container of plain rice to him first, testing out his tolerance to food. He immediately started stuffing himself, grabbing clumps of rice with his bare hands.

“Easy boy.” She warned. “You haven’t eaten in at least a few centuries.”

He shot her a look of annoyance but proceeded to eat at a much slower pace, and using chopsticks. Kagome observed him for a little longer, and once she was sure he wouldn’t bring it back up, she handed him the rest of his meal and uncovered her ramen.

She’d dined on pufferfish the night before, and thought nothing of the delicacy. But back then she’d had a full belly, a human husband and a life. Under the sparse stars shining on them, steam from the instant noodles rose, and it smelled heavenly -she hadn’t eaten all day. She grabbed a little between her chopsticks and almost jumped when she looked up to find Inuyasha sniffing at her cup.

“What’cha got there?” he asked and sniffed some more, wrinkling his nose up with every inhalation.

Kagome peered down and confirmed her fears. Inuyasha had already devoured his meal. With a sigh she passed the cup over. “Go ahead.” She said in a defeated tone.

He lapped at the stock a little before deciding it was good, and then made quick work of the noodles. She’d never seen someone eat that fast. His little ears twitched, picking up on the sounds of the city at night. A dog, truly.

Kagome drew her knees up to her chest and hugged them against the chill. She cleared her throat. “So,” she began. “Do all youkai have silver hair?”

He was chewing a bite bigger than her fist and only regarded her with a strange look. Eerie without the pupil.

“You can probably sense there aren’t many around. That is, if you can smell past the gas fumes. The few I have seen are so old I thought their hair was grey with age. But then recently I met a few younger ones, and they had hair like yours.” She was rambling, so she bit her tongue to stop herself.

Inuyasha scowled and chewed some more, until finally he swallowed. He wiped his mouth with his sleeve, and Kagome felt the urge to remind him that it too, had been submerged in vermin and goo.

“What are you going on about wench? Of course not.” He said and when he saw no response from her he continued. “It’s rare alright? I knew a couple of assholes who had it, but there’s no way they’re still alive.” He spat and crossed his arms.

Kagome pursed her lips at the vulgarity but pressed on. “So what kinds of demon have silver hair? You’re a dog demon hybrid are you not?”

“That I am.” He said, disregarding the first question.

Kagome was growing tired of his evasiveness. If she were younger she would most likely bump heads with this guy a lot. But she didn’t have that privilege.

“Inuyasha, I didn’t want to trap you. I don’t want a slave. But I need your help before I free you. I’m running away from a youkai. A strong one.” She said, then drew a deep breath. “You see these ruins around us? This was my family home. And that demon burnt it and fed on the ashes of my family.”

That had peaked his interest. Inuyasha was looking at her intently. “You want to avenge them.” He said, thrilled at the prospect.

Kagome couldn’t meet his gaze, but she nodded. And then an ugly, noxious emotion erupted in her chest. “He tricked me.” She hissed. “He tricked me into trusting him and now he knows me. He saw me-” She stopped and ran a hand through her hair roughly. In truth it was more like pulling. “He knows me.” She repeated.

“Aye, I know what that’s like.” Inuyasha confessed, looking away.

In that moment he seemed infinitely older than a teenager. Kagome calmed her rage. “I was hoping you’d be stronger. But it doesn’t matter, we can defeat him together.” She stopped and considered. “His family too.”

“How many?” Inuyasha asked as he rubbed at his right eye absently. Perhaps he hadn’t noticed the missing pupil yet.

“Seventeen.” Kagome answered at once. “But first the leader. If we’re going to take him down we need to plan it. I can try to purify him, but first you’ll need to weaken him.”

A smile came over Inuyasha’s face. “Leave that to me.”

“So we have a deal?” Kagome asked. “You help me avenge my family, and I free you.”

He cracked his knuckles, and she noticed with dismay that the claws on his fingers extended. “What’s the name of the poor bastard?”

“Taisho sama.” She answered in a breath, then shook herself. “Well, the first name must be made up. He calls himself Sesshomaru.”

Inuyasha fell very silent then. Then he huffed. “So you’re alive after all, brother.” He said, cocking up his chin in a familiar, arrogant gesture.

Kagome stilled. "I'm sure the name is just a coincidence." She said. "You were trapped inside the tree at least five hundred years. That would make him-"

"Fourteen centuries old." Inuyasha interrupted.

A queer, nervous giggle went past her lips. "Maybe it's a descendant. Or someone else entirely."

The boy scowled and spoke up, indignant. "Sesshomaru, son of the Inu no Taisho. About this height, silver hair, golden eyes. A cold bastard." He looked at Kagome's reticent face. "And an indigo moon right here." He said tapping a claw to his forehead.

She nodded. It was the rain of teeth over her again. The mudslide, the cold, the paralisis. Kagome hadn’t wanted to see the similarities before, between this hanyou and Sesshomaru. But it was there. The coloring couldn’t have been a coincidence. Nothing ever was.

The next morning she was determined. ‘Okinawa.’

Kagome trembled as she washed herself with a hose she had found. The water was icy cold but she needed to feel clean. Her jaw was clenched shut as she rinsed her hair.

‘When all this is done, I’ll move to Okinawa, where they have mild winters.’ She repeated over and over, as she put her same clothes back on over her frigid skin. Her coat was ruined with septic sap, so she ditched it.

The wellhouse was still standing, ashy but untouched by the fire by some strange miracle. The week after the fire she had taken the relics for the Taijiya to guard. Now that the real estate company who owned it had its holdings frozen, the demolition had stopped, and the small shed thankfully hadn’t been torn apart. Kagome had taken cover in there, and wrapped a tarp around herself. It was disturbing how well she had rested.

Then she tackled her next chore: making Inuyasha presentable. He insisted the human scissors couldn’t cut through his hair, although it was in such a bad state she could have done it with a butter knife. Kagome trimmed as far as she dared, giving wide berth to the dog ears. It was strange seeing the spot where his human ears should have been.

The night before she’d gotten him a knit hat, shoes and thermal undergarments. Inuyasha put it on before her, and she rolled her eyes. But his skin looked healthier. Her only regret was not getting him gloves to cover his claws.

"Follow along, but don't draw attention to yourself." She instructed and tucked a few stray locks under his hat. "Careful with the cars. And if you feel a demonic aura-"

He interrupted with a loud whistle. Kagome smiled. Now, to Odaiba.

She took the subway. When a distracted mother left behind her shawl, Kagome gratefully threw it over herself. Nobody noticed. Then she switched to the elevated line to Odaiba. The small island was the most modern part of town. She’d been there before, and still she stood on her tiptoes to peer at the cutting edge buildings of steel and glass. From the corner of her eye she noticed a boy in red doing the same in the next carriage.

The streets were wide, airy and modern. It was a comforting dose of metropolis, testament to a real world that made sense. Kagome walked to the restaurant, catching flashes of herself reflected in shop windows. Her short hair had dried in a wild voluminous pouf. ‘Purposefully tousled.’ She reassured herself, brushing it to the side.

The meeting place was a simple burger joint. The customers were mainly raucous groups of teens. Kagome found a seat by the window, looking out onto the bay and the rest of the city across the ocean. The day had been gloomy and overcast, but as she looked across the water she noticed the lightest snow beginning to fall.

The clatter of a tray on the table startled her out of her musings. She turned to find Kohaku taking off his coat, and a tray with three orders of burgers and fries.

He sighed as he sat down. “Sango might be running a little late.” Kohaku paused and looked around dramatically. “This is a cover up for her date, you see.” He revealed with the wicked delight of a little brother. His tan face was flush from the cold, a lovely warm color.

Kagome smiled, even if she felt a pang of pain. Souta had done the same for her a few times.

“I can wait.” She said softly.

“No reason why we can’t eat while it’s still hot.” Kohaku said with a shrug, and reached out for a burger.

Kagome’s stomach rumbled, and she reluctantly reached for some fries. “I should have treated you.” She protested, but it was a weak reproach, and between bites.

Kohaku was looking at her, a smile fixed on his face. His eyes strayed for a second to her sweater, and Kagome hoped he didn’t notice they were the same clothes. Then he turned away to stare out the window.

“Did you know this is an artificial island?” He said suddenly, in a bright voice. “It was built in the Edo period to stave off sea invaders. Until the last few years it was a wasteland. Now it’s going to have the newest, most modern technology of Japan.” He blurted out, in an outpour of excitement. “They’re building the tallest ferris wheel two blocks down. We should go when it’s finished.”

Kagome couldn’t hide her chuckle at his boyish plans, so at odds with how he looked, not to mention the situation. Amusement rides were the furthest thing from her mind at the moment.

He misinterpreted. “It’s true!” Kohaku insisted. “Even with the recession. They’ve just built a luxury hotel too. That one, right over your shoulder.” He gestured with a tilt of his head.

Kagome stiffened at the suggestion. “I know. I got married there.” She confessed, her voice barely a whisper.

Kohaku hummed as he considered. He leaned back and placed his bent arm over the chair. “And yet you left him.” He concluded, placid.

“Pardon!?” Kagome blurted out, shocked at his boldness.

Kohaku grimaced, evidently failing to be sorry. “I apologize. But if you’re here, looking for us again, it means you left him.” He reasoned.

‘Not all of you.’ Kagome thought to herself. ‘Just my friend.’

“There was so much coverage. I kept seeing your face everywhere, Kagome chan.” He continued, that sheepish look on his face again. “You looked good. And happy. But then there was that man.” He paused, and frowned. “A strange one, huh?” Kohaku asked, but his knowing look implied something else.

“One gets used to it.” Kagome mumbled, crossing her arms. She didn’t feel like discussing further with him.

“A youkai.” Kohaku asserted. Kagome met his resolute gaze. “And it’s feeding off you, isn’t it?” He asked slowly, dragging out each word with pain.

Kagome felt her cheeks heat in shame and she looked down at the table between them.

“A miko with weak powers is easy prey. Kenta san feared for you in that way. But it’s not your fault!” Kohaku said in a bad attempt to reassure her.

She focused harder on the discarded wrappers. A cold hamburger was still on the tray, juices leaking out. “Where’s Sango?” Kagome demanded. If it were Taisho he’d chastise her for being childish.

“On her way.” Kohaku replied. He cleared his throat. “Kagome, what’s going on is bigger than you think. I worked with your father on binding spells, and there’s a problem.” He reached out to tap her wrist, trying to capture her attention again. Kagome steeled herself and looked up.

“The energies of the captor and youkai are linked. If the youkai survives it can pull energy from you.” Kohaku said in a whisper. His hand had settled over her wrist.

Kagome felt the world time slowing down as she thought. That would mean -that would mean-

“He was bound but not defeated.” She said, her words echoing Shako’s warning all those months ago. Kohaku nodded and grinned at her understanding. Something kept nagging at the back of her mind.

“All those years ago,” Kagome began, “is that what happened in the boiler room?”

The smile on the young man’s face froze and fell.

Suddenly his handsome face looked very cold and empty. “I wish you’d never seen me like that.” He said in a dry voice. “And then you almost purified my youkai. But that little sliver you left of him,” He paused and his thumb caressed the soft underside of her wrist. “It was just enough.”

Kagome’s chest felt heavy. She pulled away from his touch. “You unleashed that thing on purpose?” She half accused him.

Kohalu shook his head. “It was merely a part, from a larger youkai.” He hesitated. “He was out there anyway, and your family knew that too. But of course, everybody blames me-”

“Sango was never coming, was she?” Kagome interrupted.

“Just hear me out.” He pleaded, holding up his outstretched palms. “I’m friends with this youkai. And Naraku can help you break the bond, he knows these things. He can even kill Taisho if that’s what you want.”

For a split second her heart stilled and she considered the possibility. Strangely enough, she felt a warm slickness between her legs, not moon blood.

“There’s only one thing he wants in return. Well two actually.” Kohaku continued. “We cut down the Goshinboku; and you relinquish the Tessaiga.”

And so her split second ended. She could provide neither of those. And there were questions she needed to ask. Now the Taijiya were friends with youkai? Did they want Inuyasha dead? Was that the deal with the tree? And why her sword?

“I need to think about it.” Kagome said in her most polite tone and took her leave. Kohaku reached out as if to stop her but then pulled back.

Kagome sauntered out of the restaurant, faking a calm she didn’t feel. It was already dark outside, and a light dusting of snow kept falling and melting as it reached the ground. She only needed to cross the street to reach the station. Then something caught her eye.

Among the many cars stopped by the red light was a blue sudan. Neither old nor new, but it looked so familiar. The windows were tinted, and she was too scared to look at it directly.

The best course of action was acting like she didn’t know she was being followed. Right? Kagome walked faster to the station, and took a different route back. She rushed home as quick as she could on small streets, looking over her shoulder every few steps.

“Oi! You trying to lose me or what?” Inuyasha hissed from her side and she flinched.

“A car is following us. Was. In Odaiba.” Kagome said as she looked around them, but she didn’t see the vehicle. She looked back at Inuyasha, as she remembered something. “Someone wants you dead.” She warned.

The hanyou huffed. “Yeah, what else is new.” He grumbled. “Let’s just go as normal people. Fucking town is deserted.” He said and walked ahead.

They covered the rest of the way in silence. But Kagome’s mind was a whirlwind. If she was right about the blue car, then Sesshomaru would come get her soon, and the hanyou wasn’t recovered enough to fight. She’d have to accept the Taijiya’s terms.

‘Will they kill you?’ She pondered, looking at the young hanyou.

She remembered Sango’s enigmatic fax. _Tree_, she had written. Kagome had misinterpreted it as a clue, when it was a demand. And now that she had freed the hanyou she didn’t know how to turn him over.

“Inuyasha.” She called as the approached the temple. “Go ahead to the temple. I need to make a call.” Kagome pointed at a pay phone. Inuyasha looked at the booth and then at her, puzzled. Then he shrugged and complied.

She dug around her wallet for change and then dialed the number. Kagome wasn’t sure why she refused to believe Kohaku. Sango wouldn’t kill youkai to then work for one. Nobody answered. She put another coin and tried again.

This time she was greeted immediately with a breathless “Hello! Tamaki residence!” from Sango.

“What exactly did you mean with that fax?” Kagome challenged, wasting no time.

“Kagome?” Sango asked from the other side. “I’m sorry, what fax?” She prodded, sounding clueless.

“On Christmas Eve. The whole tree business. You all want to cut down that tree, but what if there is a real hanyou inside? Are you willing to kill a part-human?” Kagome retorted.

“The what?” Sango said, bewildered. “For starters, I have never sent a fax in my life. That machine hates me.”

“You sent me to the subjugation beads too. Were those for Taisho san then?” Kagome demanded.

There was a pause on the other side. “Are you drunk?” Sango asked softly.

Kagome groaned. “No!” It downed on her then, that Sango was ignorant of the whole thing. “Kohaku has been sending me faxes. Listen, he’s tangled up in something bad.” Kagome admitted.

“What? What did he do now?” Sango cried from the other end. Kagome pulled the earpiece away. She could’ve sworn she heard another shrill sound coming from outside.

“You truly don’t know?” Kagome asked, somewhere between hopeful and foreboding. “From what I gather the exorcism I did on him never fully worked.” She paused and swallowed. “He also might be working for someone bad.”

“Kohaku is still possessed? Kagome you were the only one who could help him. Please, you have to come do it again.” Sango said from the other side of the line, near hysterical.

“I’m can’t alright? I’m blocked. I just needed to warn you. Besides, I have trouble enough with Taisho’s dogs following me-”

Kagome watched, frozen, as a hand reached over her shoulder and pulled down the hook of the phone. She heard the dial tone as it disconnected.

“Woof.” Nobunari whispered in her ear.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I encourage you to find the blue sedan.  
Chapter heavily inspired by My Will, the first ending sequence of the anime. Sadly, the ferry's wheel wouldn't be finished until 1999.


	14. Hybrid

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which we are closer to canon

December 27th 1996

It happened in a flash. Nobunari clutched her nape, and the smashed her head hard against the glass of the cabin. _ Twice_.

Kagome cried out in pain and tried to cradle her aching head in her hands. But he caught her by the elbows and held them behind her back, then pushed her out of the booth.

Too late she heard Inuyasha whistling from afar. 'Hurry up, you useless hanyou!' Kagome thought.

Among the dark splotches swimming in her vision she could make out the silver convertible. It was parked in the middle of the street. The driver’s door was left ajar, the lights on.

A whistle again, getting closer.

"You cut your hair?" Nobunari chastised. "Naughty girl. Almost didn't recognize you."

Kagome tried to struggle, to sidestep him. Her head hurt so bad she could barely see straight. She hated the tears that escaped from the corner of her eyes.

“Just cooperate, god damnit! I don’t want to hurt you!” Nobunari roared, and then he promptly shoved her harder.

She didn't see where the blow came from, but suddenly they tumbled to the ground. She spun and rolled on top of him, knees pinning his arms and her hands at his throat as she tried, she tried-

"What, you're going to purify me?" Nobunari said in a scornful tone. 

He wasn't even struggling against Kagome's hold. And yet her hands remained cold, inert.

"Hard to do when you're full to the brim in youkai seed, huh?" He taunted.

Kagome shrieked, frustrated. Nobunari pushed her off as if she were a mere pillow, and stood. Smooth as an animal, he began circling Inuyasha, sizing him up.

"What the hell is this clown?" Inuyasha shouted, a drop of nervousness in his voice. He turned as Nobunari moved, reluctant to give his back to the man.

"Sesshomaru's right hand man." She cried.

The hanyou drew his claws, and so did Nobunari. He leaped at Inuyasha. She saw it all: how they kicked and clawed and bit at each other, with a violence even she had never witnessed before. Her hanyou fought with all the desperation of a wounded beast. He struck Nobunari hard enough to throw him against a street light in a resounding crash.

"I said _ what- _" Inuyasha insisted between pants.

Nobunari chuckled as he rolled his right shoulder back into its socket. "A fellow hanyou." He offered, before charging at Inuyasha, claws directed at his throat. The tips barely graced him before Inuyasha was countering the attack.

"Then why the hell do you have Sesshomaru's aura?" Inuyasha demanded from Nobunari, in between brutal blows.

A trickle of blood, she didn't see whose, sprayed her. And with a start she realised she could feel the youki in it. Sesshomaru's.

Auras had always been hazy to Kagome, but she tried to feel in that moment. And where Inuyasha's energy ebbed and flowed in chaos, Nobunari was a still pool, in which she felt, somehow, Sesshomaru.

Inuyasha was wearing thin while his opponent was just getting started. Kagome worried he wouldn't last.

'I can't purify Nobunari' Kagome admitted to herself. 'But maybe I can seal him.'

A plan, an idea, began forming in her head. Kagome turned to run to the well house.

"Oi!" Inuyasha shouted to her perceived desertion.

"Right hand man!" Kagome shouted over her shoulder, breathless. "Cut him down! It's an order!" A growl was his only response.

She hurried to the spot where she could jump the fence, slipping on the snow. Then up, near the tree. The arrowhead must be there. She dropped to her knees to look for it, her hands exploring the floor. It would be impossible in the dark, and she couldn't focus with the sound of the nearby fight and the pull of the-

Kagome's head shot up. She could feel the pull of her sword coming from the well house. They could use a sword. She stood up on shaky legs and advanced.

She hadn't felt anything the night before. Months ago, she had searched the shack for any surviving relics to pass onto the Taijiya, and no signs of the sword. What was more, the entire Higurashi family had looked for it everywhere after her grandfather's passing, and it had just banished.

She opened the door to the well house and her hand fell instinctively on the cover of the dry well. There was one place they didn't look.

She peeled away the protective sutras and the thick tarp to reveal a square, wooden well. The inside was impossibly dark, with light catching only spiderwebs here and there.

Kagome felt certain, as she had never been before, that her sword was at the bottom. She heard a crash outside and Inuyasha’s cussing. They needed that weapon urgently.

She forced herself not to think on it too much. If she pushed her back against one wall and her feet against the other she could make the trip down and climb back up.

‘Just like that.’ Kagome praised herself as she descended down the narrow hole. Then her wet shoes slipped.

It was a short ways from the ground thankfully. Before she had a chance to scream she had made contact with the sandy bottom. Her eyes would not adjust to the complete darkness, and so she flapped her hands around, searching, searching.

Kagome had a strange thought. Her grandfather had once said she would start an era of healing miko after visiting the Bone Eater's well. 'There's nothing but carrion crows left, Jii san' She lamented.

She knocked over something. Arrows. She was pretty sure they were arrows. She managed to grab two. Close by there was the bow. And more things she couldn’t carry -knives and vials. 

Then her pinky brushed the scabbard of her sword, and it felt alive and sparkling. She groped blindly for a strap, but there was none. 

It was rather unceremonious, but she tucked the sword in the waistband of her skirt, hung the bow from her neck, and bit the arrows. Then the climb.

The way up was harder, not to mention having to balance a sword. But she had to get there. The faint sounds of fighting were closer, and instead of shouts she heard blood curling growls. As soon as she could grip the lip of the well she pulled herself up and flopped on the floor outside.

No time to rest. She ran out.

They were right outside the well house. Nobunari had a few substantial cuts and scratches. But Inuyasha was worst off. He crawled on the floor, bloody and growling. Kagome dropped the sword when she noticed his eyes had gone completely red and his face twisted wildly.

“You’re going to kill him with that necklace.” Nobunari warned, his eyes fixed on Inuyasha. “Stop this foolishness before Taisho sama gets here, and he’ll let it slide.” He offered, condescending as always.

By the time he looked up at her, Kagome had notched the arrow and fired.

The moment she released it, she knew it had gone sour.

She had aimed for Nobunari's heart, but the arrow landed higher, over his collarbone and into his throat. And there was no reiki in it.

‘No, no, no.’ She thought. ‘Not this mess again.’

Nobunari tried to take a step towards her, but faltered. He fell to his knees. Blood choked out from the corners of his mouth. It slid down his throat, staining his clothes. So liquid.

She had fired a sloppy shot, but capable of killing a man, as she well knew. Kagome should feel victorious, freed. Killing Nobunari solved half her problems. He’d been her captor. And yet she found no release in looking as his smug grin disappeared.

The wind picked up, carrying thick snowflakes and a much familiar presence.

  
  


Nobunari’s whimper of pain, Inuyasha’s rabid growls, her own panting; she heard them barely under the all consuming sound of steps on the hard stone floor.

He had always looked fearsome by moonlight. Some wan apparition, too pale for a living being. The colored markings on his face only made it worse. Slow and steady, Sesshomaru walked closer.

‘If he can’t conceal his markings it means he’s growing weaker.’ She reasoned with herself. Although he didn’t move like he was weakened.

“Inuyasha.” Kagome urged.

The hanyou launched at him, only to get blown back in a single strike.

“Pathetic as always, half breed.” Sesshomaru observed as he stepped over the hanyou, stomping on his curled claws.

She picked her other arrow from the floor and notched it quickly, aiming at him.

“Don’t move any closer!” Kagome warned.

Sesshomaru ignored her and walked over to inspect Nobunari, who was crumpling to the floor. When he tried to speak, his words came out a messy gurgle, muffled by the blood that would not stop flowing from his throat.

Sesshomaru uttered a mere “Hn” before leaving the man behind. He turned to Kagome. “Are you done?” He asked, impassive.

Kagome released her arrow, aimed right between his eyes. He ducked away in a flash, and the arrow fell a few paces behind him, with a pitiful ‘clac’.

“This has been most unwise, Kagome.” He said softly, and it was a promise of dark repercussions. His yellow eyes looked so bright even in darkness, and Kagome had trouble ripping her gaze from his.

She bent down to get the sword. Sesshomaru got to it before she could reach it, kicked the sword back and out of the way. Kagome backed away from him, ready to sprint.

“I’ve been too lax on you.” He groaned through gritted teeth. “And you clearly don’t understand reason.” He said as he stalked, inch by inch toward her.

"Lax?" Kagome mimicked. "Killing my family and holding me prisoner is lax?" She was equal parts disgust and disbelief. “Inuyasha, now!” Kagome ordered. 

She watched as the hanyou peeled himself from the ground and charged in a clumsy attack, blindly. Before he was even close to Sesshomaru, however, he was pushed back by a whip. A stream of light shot forth from his fingertips and burned what it touched. It made no sense that it fell the hybrid, but it did.

“Inuyasha!” She cried, and her feet were walking to him on their own accord.

Sesshomaru scoffed, looking down at Inuyasha. “The hanyou, the hanyou,_ the hanyou_. How you obsess about them.” He ridiculed. Then he paused and raised his head, sniffing. “And yet you keep pushing out mine.”

She gasped, and her hands shot to her crotch reflectively. “No!” She breathed. Kagome shook her head. “You’re lying.” She decided. “Just as you lie about everything.”

Without thinking, she went and shoved him. "You killed my family!" She wailed.

"You stole their remains!" She spat, shoving him again. "Then you tricked me!" And a push. "You grave robber!" Again. "You-" 

He dodged her, and Kagome almost fell on her face. She stumbled to the side.

She snuck a glance at Inuyasha, who was approaching the sword in a macabre imitation of walking. His red eyes were trained on the floor. 

Sesshomaru grabbed the scruff of her sweater and pulled her close, with very real claws piercing through the fabric.

“Your kind has reduced me to much indignities.” he said through a sneer. “But I did not kill them in such a lowly fashion.”

Kagome slapped him, as hard as she possibly could. It took him aback enough that she slipped from his grasp. Sesshomaru extended his arm trying to catch her-

The logic, or the order of the things that happened later she couldn’t understand.

She saw as Inuyasha unsheathed her sword. The battered katana transformed into a different weapon altogether in his hands. The hanyou’s eyes cleared; he attacked. 

The slash went straight down, severing the arm from Sesshomaru’s right shoulder.

It fell to the snowy floor. Kagome found it strange, very strange, that the sound an arm made as it hit the pavement was such a loud howl. Then she realized it was her making the sound.

The ground came up to meet her. She crawled and reached out for it, the hand that had held hers so many times.

She felt a pull on her sweater, and suddenly she was over Inuyasha’s shoulder as he leaped away.

“What the fuck is going on?” He demanded, genuinely clueless after regaining consciousness.

She had ordered Inuyasha to cut down Sesshomaru’s right hand. She had. She had.

Kagome saw her husband for a second in the distance. His left hand held tightly to his bleeding stump. And he was bent over, his shape somehow _not_ a man’s.

Inuyasha jumped over the fence and she couldn’t see him anymore. Only the arm she held with her left hand. She was still wearing her wedding ring.

  
  


Eventually Inuyasha tired. They had made some way to the outskirts of town, leaping from roof to roof to avoid being seen.

“We need a hotel.” Kagome said as she wrapped the arm in her shawl. It would put a dent in her pocket but they needed rest and cover.

There was one nearby. A love hotel. She had Inuyasha wait outside while she got the room. The last thing they needed was suspicion that she was a pedophile. The receptionist insisted on giving her a discount, surely suspecting her of being a battered wife.

Inuyasha looked and gaped at everything, somehow more shocked with the key card of the room than of having severed his own brother’s limb.

Kagome immediately went to drop her wrapped package in the bathtub. She kneeled beside the tub and rested her head on the cool lip.

The heating was on too high. Her skin burned, after so many hours in the cruel cold. She fought sleep to stand. She could get a toothbrush now. Have a shower.

“Don’t touch anything.” She instructed Inuyasha before heading out. It was five blocks before she found an open pharmacy, and it started snowing again on the way back.

Back in the room Inuyasha had managed to turn on the tv, and he was poking the screen. 

She went straight to the toilet and unwrapped the pregnancy test. Waiting for the result felt eternal. ‘It doesn’t even make sense.’ She reassured herself. Demon partner or not she had used the birth control on herself. And she was having her period, or on any case a miscarriage, not-

It was negative.

And still she didn’t feel reassured. Kagome threw it in the bin and stomped out.

“Inuyasha.” she called. “I need your help with something.”

The hanyou replied with a weak “uh huh” while he watched an infomercial.

Kagome huffed and went to turn off the tv. She stood in front of the screen for good measure. She took a deep breath and braced herself.

“Back there Sesshomaru said I was pregnant.” She said. “He lied. He always lies-”

“You actually laid with the bastard?” Inuyasha exclaimed, queasy. “Wait, Sesshomaru is screwing humans now? That hypocrite!” he jeered, balling his hands into fists.

Kagome ran a hand over her face. “Focus for a second, would you?” She pleaded. “Do I smell pregnant? Or, I don’t know, can you sense some aura in me?” She asked.

Inuyasha scoffed and crossed his arms. “ I ain’t a fucking midwife!” He retorted.

At her silence he chanced a glance at Kagome, and flinched at the hard look on her face.

“Fine.” He conceded. “You don’t smell pregnant or any of that. You-” He paused and his eyebrows twisted into a scowl. “But you smell like death, Kagome. And like Sesshomaru.”

She hadn’t noticed when her hand had gone to her stomach, but at his words she let it fall to her side. Inuyasha concentrated on a spot over her shoulder.

“I found it odd at first, how you weren’t getting hungry or cold.” He mused. “But after meeting that freak, I think I have an idea.” He leaned toward her, his one good eye distrustful. “You’re feeding off Sesshomaru’s energy aren’t you?” He accused.

Kagome shook her head and she was about to deny it, but he interrupted.

“Then what the hell do you plan to do with that arm?” Inuyasha asked.

“I-” Kagome stuttered. “I’m going to trade it for help killing Sesshomaru.” She admitted. “There’s a monk upstate who will want it.”

Inuyasha maintained the intensity in his gaze for a second. “There’s something wrong with all this.” He insisted, then shrugged it off.

“Everything is wrong Inuyasha.” Kagome whispered. “I’m going to shower first, if you don't mind.” She added.


	15. Stolidity

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Especially graphic depictions in this one. Don't read while you eat.

December 28th 1996

Mornings in the city were different. The sounds of traffic started well before the late dawn of winter. By the time the sun rays hit the window, Kagome had already thrown a pillow over her head to cover the cacophony of cars, pedestrians and shops outside.

A particularly loud truck roused Kagome. She groaned. She stretched and sat up, slow and drowsy. Her head still spun from Nobunari hitting her last night. She looked behind her.

Sometime during the night Inuyasha had splayed on the western mattress, and now he snored loudly. He needed the rest to recuperate from his many injuries.

Kagome tried to get dressed quietly. She’d gone to bed wrapped in the hotel bathrobe, while the clothes she had washed on the sink dried. But as she inspected her image in the mirror she wasn't satisfied. 

The dirt and blood on her clothes looked only like beige stains now, but still suspicious. There was a big swollen bruise over her left eyebrow. No wonder the girl at the front desk had been so accommodating. She tried to hide it under her bangs and flinched at her own touch.

Inuyasha had been right, surprisingly. His clothes mended on their own, although that didn’t mean they smelled nice.

If she could find a pawn shop and sell some of the jewels they could get new clothes. And tickets. It was probably best to let Inuyasha asleep while she did her business, so she slipped out.

Kagome would rather avoid the front desk and prying eyes, but her best chance of finding a shop was asking. The clerk was a woman of around forty in a polyester suit, and she openly examined Kagome and her smeared clothes while she asked for directions.

“Room 104?” She cut in. “You’re the ones who stayed the full night, right?” She asked.

Kagome could only nod, taken aback.

“And that thing on your forehead?” The woman asked, relentless. She crossed her arms while she waited for an answer.

Kagome raised her hand to her face before she realised she was betraying herself. “I slipped in the snow. I can be so clumsy sometimes!” She answered, trying to sound lighthearted.

The receptionist was silent for a second. “I used to be clumsy too. When I was with my husband.” She said, voice even. “Come on, join me for some coffee. My ex left a few clothes here and I bet they could fit a tall girl like you.” She prompted, gesturing to the small office behind her.

The coffee was strong, but she was nice.Kagome felt her heart sink just a little more at the charity of the stranger. ‘I’ve killed someone’ she wanted to say to drive away her kindness. Instead she thanked her and acted grateful. The receptionist even gave her a packet of cookies to take upstairs.

It was past ten when Kagome got back to the room, carrying a duffel bag over her shoulder. She found both the tv and the radio on. Meanwhile Inuyasha was examining his busted lip on the mirror.

Kagome hoisted the bag on the bed and set out to turn off the electronics. “We need to leave soon.” She mumbled while going over the clothes in the bag. She found some overalls and a black sweater that she could wear. She was relieved to come across a few jackets.

“Inuyasha, put these on.” She instructed, throwing a set of clothes to his side of the bed.

The hanyou walked out and picked the garments between his claws daintily. He wrinkled his nose. “I’ll look like a tapestry.” he said.

Kagome scoffed. “As opposed to now?” She said and walked past him, carrying her clothes to the bathroom. 

"You know, we're lucky. I think the woman thought you were my son or something." She called out while she got dressed. The overalls where a little tight on the hips but she would manage.

Kagome couldn’t resist bending over the bathtub to check on her prize. She had left the severed arm over ice so it would drain. During the night drops of poison had dripped from the claws. She traced twin magenta stripes at the wrist, equal in texture to the rest of Sesshomaru’s silky skin.

Other than that there was no change. A limb from such a powerful youkai would take a long time to decay. She wrapped it again in her shawl and then a plastic bag, and in a second of distraction licked the congealed blood from her fingers. She only noticed the sudden bitterness once she had done it, and almost retched. ‘Bitter like me.’ She kept saying in her head while she tried to reign in the nausea.

Inuyasha was grumbling about something in the bedroom. He looked extremely uncomfortable in the geometric print sweater and jeans.

"What's that?" Kagome asked.

"No one would think you are my mother." Inuyasha repeated. A small smile almost made it to Kagome’s lips before Inuyasha added "she was beautiful."

"All right, that settles it. I'm taking the leather jacket." Kagome said with a sigh as she threw the wrapped package and Inuyasha’s magical clothes in the duffle bag. "You can take the puffy one. It's red, so you should like it."

There was no way she was backtracking to Tokyo. They weren’t that far from Omiya and its station, where they could take the train up north. On the way there was a pink bike, left unattended, and Kagome hopped on. It took some coaxing to get Inuyasha to sit on the back.

The half hour ride was pleasant, the air cold and clean in her lungs. Her dizziness had subsided at some point, and the more effort she put into pedaling, the stronger her legs felt. Her plan might just work.

They ditched the bag at the station and got train tickets. Kagome felt anxiety creeping back in when she realized it was the last of the money she’d gotten for her hair.

The train arrived and they boarded. Inuyasha was more subtle with his amazement this time. Once seated he dozed off. Kagome gently arranged his head on the seat so he wouldn’t wake up with a sore neck. While he slept she counted the hours, the minutes, until they reached their destination.

The light was already weak in the sky when they did. Inuyasha was especially grumpy when woken up, so he just followed with absent eyes, their luggage balanced over his shoulder.

Kagome asked around and she found a little pawn shop not far from the station. The owner’s eyes were fixed on her wedding ring. Instead she sold a simple string of pearls.

They walked the rest of the way, Kagome feeling like a weight had been lifted from her.Pretty soon they were walking up the gentle slope of a hill. They could feel the vibrations of loud music in the night air even before they entered the street lined with izakayas. Arcades here and there cast flashes of light in vibrant colors. And tucked in between, a little house with an unkempt garden.

Kagome crossed the garden, stepping around the many vases and pots strewn about. All the lights were off, and it was hard to tell if the house was abandoned or just in its usual state of neglect.

“The monk is gone?” Inuyasha asked.

“I’m not sure.” Kagome admitted. “Maybe Sesshomaru got to him already.” She said and sighed.

Inuyasha dropped the heavy bag he was carrying and crouched next to it. Kagome dropped her purse too and zipped down her jacket. Her sword was hanging from the front of her torso, for easier concealment. She was straightening it up when she heard a gasp and looked up.

Miroku was at the entrance of his house, carrying a bag of groceries in one hand and his house keys in the other. He ignored Inuyasha, rather harmless looking with his disguise, and saw only Kagome and her weapon.

“There you are Miroku! It’s me, Kagome” She said, pulling the sword to her side. “I’m so sorry about the necklace. But you said if I was ever in trouble I could call on you.”

The man blanched. “I did?”

“Yes. And I’m a damsel in distress now. So, help?” She said, trying for a smile. To her side, Inuyasha flexed his claws, ever so discrete.

Miroku let them in, although he pointedly didn’t offer them refreshments when he poured himself coffee. Kagome sat opposite him in the kitchen table while Inuyasha paced around them. There were less clay pieces than last time.

“You used the subjugation beads on him.” Miroku said at last, gesturing to Inuyasha. “I did warn you to stay away from the Taisho” He said.

“It was too late.” sighed. "I warned you to stay away from the Taisho."

"It was too late." Kagome admitted.admitted “And considering you probably stole them yourself I’d say we’re even.” She said, probing. “Making a necklace like this is the work of a whole monastery. Even if you are a monk, there’s no way you could do it on your own.” 

“It took me seven years to make it.” He answered, not sounding even remotely as preoccupied as he’d been last time over his beads.

Kagome cursed internally. She’d been wrong about that, but she still had something to bargain. “I can give them back to you when I take them off.” She said. “Or I can pay you.”

Miroku tried to hide his curiosity at that by taking a long sip of coffee.

“The hand you’re wearing isn’t yours.” Kagome bluffed. She wasn’t entirely sure. “The wound on your hand is actually a curse that’s eating you alive.”

She had half expected Miroku to deny the accusation. Or launch into a passionate rant about his curse. Instead he only bowed his head slightly and flexed his fingers, one by one.

“It’s a glove.” He said, almost inaudible.

The consumption was undeniable. If it were just his hand, a normal human hand, there was no way he would still be able to move it, much less sculpt such artful pieces. And that thought had stuck with Kagome, churning in the back of her mind.

She stood and went to get the duffle bag, then stopped in her tracks. “Inuyasha, please go wait outside.” She told the hanyou.

His golden eyes were darting back and forth across the room. “What-Why?” He demanded, shifting to a defensive stance. “What’s going on?”

“Just go outside.” Kagome pleaded. She knelt next to the bag and unzipped it, retrieving the heavy plastic bag inside with great care.

“You’re giving him the arm?” Inuyasha asked. His voice sounded so much more childlike when he was scared. “What’s he going to do with it?” He cried.

“Out, Inuyasha! It’s an order.” Kagome said through clenched teeth. She looked down while the young hanyou walked off in jerky movements, obeying the will imposed over his. She would apologize. Later.

She took a breath to stabilize herself before unwrapping Sesshomaru’s severed arm and laying it on the table. The skin looked like glowing moonlight in the dim room.

Miroku laid his hand next to it. But he was looking away, completely quiet. “This far exceeds the prize of any subjugation beads.” He acknowledged.

“My powers are completely blocked ever since the fire” Kagome confessed, and shot him a guilty look. “The Higurashi fire.” She added. “You’ll get a few years from this thing, but in exchange I need guidance to regain my powers. And your help in bringing down the Taisho.” She said, unabashed.

“There’s a first aid kit over the fridge.” Miroku muttered, but it was agreement enough. Kagome recognized what kept him from meeting her eyes. That emotion between anger and disgust, capable of suffocating a man: it was shame. She recognized the emotion on his face. A mix of anger, and disgust, and even a feel of suffocation. It was shame.

She had to dig around a little to find the tools needed. She took off her coat and rolled up her sleeves. 

“The curse was passed on from my father.” Miroku said, talking to distract himself. Kagome heard him while she sterilized the equipment. “I was brought up by the monks as an orphan, so I only met him once. He went to tell me he’d found the cure with the Higurashi relics. It proved to be only temporal, of course.” He said.

Kagome sat, holding a small blade in one hand. “I’ve never done this myself.” She admitted. Miroku and her exchanged a look, reassuring each other.

She grabbed the severed arm and cut in a deep line all around the wrist. Then a cut from the inner side of the hand to the knuckle of the thumb, and an identical one on the outside to the pinky. The rest was carving away the skin from muscle and bone. She listened to Miroku prattle on.

“In the monastery, there were records of another monk with a similar curse many years ago. The legend has it a youkai slipped through his grasp, leaving behind a wind tunnel capable of absorving entire objects. A house once. I suppose that could come in handy.” He said.

“Wouldn’t it swallow him too?” Kagome mumbled while she pulled the alabaster skin. It was almost like a glove if she didn’t look too closely.

“It did.” Miroku answered. “And then passed on to his next of kin.”

They were silent for a moment, while Kagome finished her task. Without a word, he got up and grabbed the arm. He went into the would-be living room, threw it inside his ceramic kiln, and set it up to the highest temperature. The Miroku returned to his seat and extended his arm to Kagome.

“Where were we? Ah, my home.” He said. He flinched only slightly when Kagome pushed the blade into his skin. But as she kept on cutting he was completely still. His level of self control frightened her.

“It’s the fifth oldest monastery to have never closed down. As you can guess, it has a few -ah!- eccentric practices. Making subjugation beads is one of them.” He chattered, but his voice was fading from Kagome’s hearing.

Instead she heard only her irregular breathing while she looked down at his hand. He had hardly bled when she cut his skin, and now it was clear it had been a glove after all. Beneath it was his own real flesh, the very tissue looking withered and sunken. At the center of his palm was a black, oily spot; and a hole barely wider than a needle, going straight through.

Kagome hurried to cover it. ‘With Sesshomaru’s good hand’ her mind supplied, unhelpful. It almost got too much for her. But she couldn’t allow herself to be disgusted now, after the mess she had made of things. She regained her focus, although it felt as if she was watching herself do everything from outside her own body. In slow, careful movements, she fit the glove to him.

“So, making the subjugation beads is a tough trial. Crafting them exposes the maker to his lowest ambitions.” Miroku was saying. He passed Kagome a bandage and she wrapped the hand tightly.

“There’s something about working with the youkai ashes. I still wonder if they strengthened the curse. I could blame them for making me a thief of mangled gloves, but that is really my own failing.” He confessed.

Kagome felt like her mind was dropped back inside her body in a violent motion. “What did you say?” She interrupted. “The ashes?”

“Youkai ashes.” He repeated. “That’s what makes the beads hold power. Otherwise they’d just be clay, like my vases.”

Although she was sitting, she had to grab the table to stabilize herself. Could it really be a coincidence? “Ashes.” She said under her breath.

“I’m sorry, should I not have thrown that in the kiln?” Miroku said.

Kagome turned very slowly to look over her shoulder. The pottery oven had been on for a while now. No smell thankfully. But whatever was left of Sesshomaru’s arm was in the process of being incinerated to make more subjugation beads. 

It wasn’t like she could keep running around with an arm, of all things. What was the plan, giving it a burial? Their whole feud had begun over ashes. Still, it felt wrong.

“Miroku, I need to use your shower.” She heard herself say. “Now.”

She stood under the showerhead until there was no more hot water. Then she got dressed and went out to the porch, where Inuyasha and Miroku were speaking quietly.

“That’s the music people like now?” The hanyou asked, incredulous. Miroku nodded. “Huh. The world has really gone downhill” He concluded.

“And wait until you hear about the ice caps.” Miroku replied before he noticed her. “Kagome, I’m afraid our friend here cannot disobey an order from you. It might be a good idea to let him come inside.” He suggested.

Kagome saw only then how stiffly the boy held himself. “You can come inside now if you wish.” She said, unsure. Slowly, the hanyou seemed to relax. “Miroku, could we have a minute?” Kagome asked.  
“On it!” The man said, already going into the house and closing the door behind him. Kagome took a deep breath and turned to address Inuyasha.

“Are you going to order me around every time?” He snapped, refusing to look at her. “Thought we had a deal.”

“I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have done that just now.” She said, not knowing where to begin.

Inuyasha crossed his arms over his chest. “At the Shrine too. Of course I was going to beat those bastards, but then you ordered me to do it, and-” the hanyou trailed off. He frowned, looking disgusted. “When you do that it’s like I can’t control myself. I don’t get it. And afterwards I can’t remember.” He admitted.

Kagome believed him. During the fight Inuyasha’s face and demeanor had shifted to that of a mindless creature. It had been scary. Scarier by far than Sesshomaru’s anger, or fighting his goons, or any dream she’d had. It frightened her because she was the one responsible.

“I’m so sorry.” She said, and had to cover her mouth right after, because a sob threatened to escape her. The boy looked at her, startled. Kagome tried to calm herself. She pressed her hand against her own cool cheek. “I’m sorry Inuyasha. I won’t do it again.” She reiterated.

“It’s alright.” He said, flustered. “No need to make a big deal.”

Kagome stood there, not very sure what to do next. She didn’t want to go inside, where she would think of Sesshomaru’s arm in the kiln.So she mimicked Inuyasha and leaned on the wall. She looked at the clear sky, where the moon was waning, ever so slightly.

“I’m doing everything wrong.” She said, almost humored. "I know I am, and still I have no idea how to fix it. I'm not sure I can."

Inuyasha snorted. “Beats me.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Go to my Tumblr and tagged #hotad for art related to this fic!


	16. Serenity

December 31st 1996

The problem was Kagome couldn't stand looking inward.

Every morning, they would set their mats on the backyard, sit cross legged, and then Miroku would try to guide her through meditation. He instructed her to close her eyes and clear her mind. But really, what peace could she find beneath all the anger, the hatred, the heartbreak?

"I fear this isn't working, Kagome sama." Miroku admitted. "Spiritual powers should come from compassion; from a clear mind. On any case, not as revenge."

There was a quiet minute between them, tense. Kagome kept her face hidden, knowing that she couldn't hide the resentment that had settled there and gripped every fiber of her being. She reached for a clay pot near her. It had a crack running down its side. Like the many other imperfect pieces that Miroku discarded everyday, it lay forgotten in the garden. Broken.

"Last night I had a terrible vision.” Miroku confided. “In this vision you get your vengeance, at the cost of your life.” His voice was steady and low.

Kagome had to refrain from scoffing. "Don’t worry Miroku, I've been dead for a while now. Since April second, when my family was killed in a fire.” She said, blindly toying with the basin.

“But you’re still alive!” Miroku tried to reason. “Despite all that tragedy, you get to start over!”

“Or maybe I died later.” She mused, void of any feeling. “When I let a demon use me. He must have found it so funny every time I let him in my bed.”

Miroku shook his head, but weakly. He didn't have any argument against that. Kagome’s gaze followed his, down to the stolen hand. A puny little thing to come out of her whole ordeal.

“There’s nothing.” She whispered with all the pain in her chest. “I’m as empty as your clay pots, and the only thing that keeps me moving is spite.”

She crushed the little basin in her hands. “So what now?” Kagome asked.

Miroku’s frown got deeper as he considered. “You need to at least push that aside. My old teacher might have some advice, but we’re not really on good terms since I left the monastery.” He said, thinking aloud.

Before Miroku could say anything more, Inuyasha came bounding with a newspaper in hand.  
“It’s that bastard you met with! It’s him!” The hanyou exclaimed, shoving the paper in Kagome’s face. “What’s it say? Read it!” He demanded.

She had to rip it from his hands to be able to see it clearly. There was a small picture of a smiling Kohaku next to a short article. She read it and then she wished she hadn’t.

“There was a break in at the Tamaki residence. Oh my god! Shako is dead. A bunch of the Taijiya too. Sango is in the hospital, unstable. A-and Kohaku is missing.” She said, not intending her voice to quiver as it did.

Miroku looked at them with inquiring eyes. “Were these people in the trade as well?”

Kagome nodded as she read the note again. The journalist had attributed the bites and scratches to fight dogs, giving a logical explanation to an irrational detail of the violence. “Taisho’s watchmen saw my meeting with Kohaku.” She admitted. “They must have gone after him. He might be getting tortured as we speak.” She said with a shudder.

Inuyasha didn’t look sold on the idea. “That’s low even for Sesshomaru.” He grumbled.

Kagome pushed the newspaper into his chest and turned to address Miroku. “Take me to your monastery. This has to be stopped.”

Kagome had imagined the monastery as some ancient temple carved from mountain and fog. Instead it was a rather mundane enclosure in the middle of a town, a mere train ride away from Miroku’s house. They got there before it was midday.

A monk received them at the door, shot Miroku’s bandaged arm a glance, and led them in without a word. The others inside didn’t speak either, merely bowing their shaved heads as the group passed.

Every step on the dusty floors brought her miles into an unknown, ancient place. It took her awhile to notice they were descending on a rather steep incline, and the buildings around them got older and shabbier by the minute. Inuyasha took the rear, one hand on the sword at all times.

The silent monk stopped and motioned a small building. Miroku thanked him and led the way, sliding open the door.

“Go away you rascals.” A man rasped from the interior. Kagome had to duck under the low doorway, and then she instantly wanted to recoil from the dank air of the room. A mix of spilled liquor and old man smell emanated from the plump monk splayed on the floor.

“Master Mushin, it’s Miroku.” The young man said and bowed. “I have brought some friends that need help.”

The red-faced man groaned, and made no effort to stand. “Until you payback what you stole, all you all are not welcome here!” Mushim gibbered, slurring the words with drunk imprecision.

Kagome shot Miroku an accusing glance. ‘So you did steal!’ She wanted to reproach him, and follow up by scorning the so called help he could offer. She didn’t get to say much. Words failed her when Miroku pulled out a tiny clay jar and presented it to Mushin.

“Allow me to repay my debt.” Miroku said, bowing deeply. “And help Kagome sama. While she is powerless, innocents are being killed-”

“This is not even half of what you owe.” Mushin interrupted. He had poured the ashes over his palm to examine them. His eyes kept going from the cinders in his grasp to the beads around Inuyasha’s neck in a way Kagome did not appreciate

“Well then, forget about the ashes. You’re not getting them.” She retorted without, loosing control. “And you can stay here cozy and drunk while youkai run around terrorizing people.”

The old monk frowned and slid the ashes back in the jar. “I don’t mingle with demons” He said.

Kagome bunched up her fists and looked away before she let out some rude retort. She noticed that Inuyasha seemed oblivious to the drama. Kagome could tell his puppy ears were twitching underneath his hat. His gaze was fixed on a spot behind Mushin, and she followed it just in time to see someone open a door.

It was a tiny old man, shriveled and thin. She could hardly hear his weak voice as he said “Mushin, that is no way to treat such special guests.”

The effect on the fat monk was immediate. He spun around, clambered to his feet only to fall to his knees before the elder. “M-Master Hakushin! you’re awake!”

The wrinkled little man ignored him and walked closer to them. His steps were cautious and small. “Maitreya, is that you, child?” He croaked, barely audible.

“It’s just Miroku now, master Hakushin.” The younger man answered, bowing as well. “I left the monastery shortly after you went into your deep sleep.”

“Ah, a lot has changed since then.” Hakushin replied. He squinted at each member of the trio, as if reading them on some deeper level. “Yes, Mushin, you have done a terrible job.” He said.

Miroku took pity on his confused companions. “Master Hakushin had been in a coma for eleven years.” He offered as clarification.

Kagome gasped when she noticed the old man trying to bow to her and she reached out to stop him. “Please don't exert yourself!” She said.

“Nonsense, nonsense.” Hakushin dismissed. “The Lord of the West has never been our ally, but we will show the proper respect to his wife. It wouldn’t do to mistreat his most precious jewel.”

Kagome wasn’t sure what to make of his comment. She didn't feel like a jewel in the used man clothes and overalls. She turned to Inuyasha. “Sesshomaru is a lord?” She asked. The hanyou made a face and nodded.

Hakushin gave a pat over her hand for her to release him. He stepped back and straightened up. “You have a terrible gift, young lady, of bringing the past back to life. It is a heavy burden.” He commented, and his face softened with compassion. “I will help you in your quest.” He said.

January 7th 1997

Hakushin saw Kagome every morning and evening for a short lecture and meditation. Miroku was invited to join as well. “All men are worthy of salvation.” was the old man’s response when he brought up his transgressions and his hand.

The rest of the day was spent helping in the monastery, to pay for their hospitality -the spartan rooms they’d been given and the meals. Kagome was placed on kitchen duty, to everyone’s detriment, because she managed to undercook all the vegetables and burn all the rice. The work at least kept her busy, filling up her mind so she wouldn’t wonder about Sesshomaru, what he did and how he fared.

Inuyasha was supposed to help tend to the grounds, but instead he’d just wander around the gardens and orchards,practicing with the sword. At some point he’d snuck out his robes from Kagome’s room and had gone back to wearing them. She let him, mainly because he blended in somewhat with the monks.

There was much to learn from Hakushin. His lessons started always with a theoretical explanation of energies and their workings. Towards the end he would have Kagome try some exercise or meditation to put that knowledge to practice. Day by day, she felt more of her reiki, stirring just below her skin.

That night, after their lesson she mentioned it. Hakushin cheerep up at that, and said his work was done. “You must follow that energy beyond the trappings of the mind. In a moment of connection there can be no attachments. Therefore: no pain, no anger, and no desires.” He instructed.

She could feel it. Her hold on the past, on her anger, grew tenuous the closer she was to unleashing her powers. But without that it was like falling in an endless void. “To use my reiki I have to let go of my reason to use it.” She said aloud.

Hakushin smiled. “Life can be a paradox like that.” He observed.

“How?” Kagome demanded. “How do I just leave it behind? How do I move forward and still defeat Sesshomaru?”

Hakushin was silent for a minute and then he shrugged. “There is no answer.” He said.

Kagome turned to Miroku, whose expression was just as serene, blank and useless. She resisted the urge to groan. “I’m going to my room to think. Or well, not think, apparently.” She said as she got up.

Before she reached the door, Hakushin spoke again. “It has been my greatest pleasure to be your teacher.” He exclaimed, straining to raise his voice above its mellow tone.

She was caught a bit off guard by the compliment. “Ah, see you tomorrow. Thank you for the lesson.” She said, and took her leave.

Despite her outburst her mind felt calm on the walk back to her quarters. The night was chilly and dry, and her path between the rickety buildings was well lit. She’d grown used to the multitude of monks and their orange robes rather quickly. They gave slight bows to her and she did in kind, absently looking for Inuyasha among them.

She certainly hadn’t expected to find him in her room, sitting on her futon with the sword on his lap.

“We need to leave tomorrow.” Inuyasha said as greeting.

“Sesshomaru?” She asked in a breath. Her heart was already racing.

The hanyou shook his head. “It’s the new moon and I don’t trust these monks.”

Her brow creased. “Right, the new moon...I don’t get it.” She admitted, and plopped down in front of him.

He bent forward whispered. “I can’t protect you during the new moon. I’ll be a just another human, and I’d rather not be here when that happens.”

Kagome gasped. “B-but how?” She asked and examined his face, hoping it was some sort of joke.

Inuyasha turned away. “It’s a hanyou thing.” He grumbled.

“Does it happen every month? Wait, does that mean you’re youkai on the full moon?” She pressed on. She could tell by his expression that she’d annoyed him. “Sorry, I’m still wrapping my head around this whole thing.” She said.

Inuyasha shot her a glance. “Are you sure you’re a warrior miko? You really don’t know shit about demons.” He remarked.

She rolled her eyes. “That’s because I never wanted to be one.” At that she rolled onto her back and considered. “We’ll go to a hotel tomorrow afternoon.” She conceded.

Inuyasha laid next to her, with a curious crinkly sound. He pulled a bright yellow package from his wide sleeve. “Potato chips!” Kagome exclaimed.

“I found these in Miroku’s room. And the ashes too.” He said, nodding to the corner of the room where he’d placed the small vial.

Kagome was already stuffing her face with the greasy snacks. “Good boy!” She praised through a mouthful. She licked the salt of her fingers and reflected. “Nobunari said he was a hanyou too, but I never saw him turn into a human. Or get dog ears.”

“That’s because he was a freak.” Inuyasha scoffed and grabbed some chips for himself.

They didn’t speak for a while, too busy gorging on some tasty food at last. “Y’know, before I got sealed to that tree I was trying to become a full youkai.” He confessed all of a sudden.

“You can do that?” Kagome asked while she lazily looked at the ceiling.

Inuyasha snorted. “There was a jewel that could grant wishes. I was going to use it, but the miko who looked after it tricked me…” He trailed off.

Kagome turned her head side and examined his scowl. “And then she pinned you to the tree, didn’t she?” She ventured.

“Keh! It hardly matters now. Jewel’s gone, she’s gone” His puppy ears were drawn back and flat against his head. “Now we just gotta take care of Sesshomaru and his freaks.”

“We will.” Kagome promised. Just not then. She felt tired, full and sleepy. “Tell me about the past. How was it? Really?” She asked.

“Less goddamn noisy, that’s for sure.” Inuyasha said, indignant as ever. Kagome looked at him pleading and he indulged. “The sky was clearer.” He began.

Kagome listened as she took in Inuyasha. He was regaining his strength slowly. His cheeks looked fuller, his hair healthier. Now he filled up his clothes somewhat. She smiled as her eyelids got heavy.

She was jolted awake by loud knocking. Inuyasha was already on his feet, crouching near the entrance.

“Kagome sama! It’s Miroku! We haven’t much time!” The man said from the other side of the door. She nodded to Inuyasha and he let the monk in.

“You’re here too.” Miroku said when he took in the hanyou. “Good! We need to leave immediately. Grab your things and let’s go.” He urged.

Kagome looked at the clock confused. Five fifty one AM. “Where to? What’s going on?”

“Hakushin is dead.” Miroku said.

“What do you mean dead?” Kagome jumped to her feet. “As in back into a coma?” She asked.

Miroku shook his head. “As in someone bashed his head in. Now the police is here questioning everyone, especially the suspicious newcomers!” He pointed with jerky movements to the tree of them.

Kagome gasped. “Inuyasha doesn’t even have ID!” She blurted.

Miroku nodded, exasperated. “We’ll look like kidnappers or worse, so can you hurry up?!” He implored.

She rushed to throw what she could on a bag while Inuyasha fixed his hat and got their coats. Thankfully Miroku didn’t notice when she got the ash vial, as he was peeking out between the blinds on the window.

Kagome chanced a glance, only to see four policemen with flashlights examining the grounds. One of them caught her eye. It was the long dark hair, curling down his back. Strange look for a cop. He looked pale and delicate even from afar.

“A man with no shadow.” Miroku noted.

She looked at her friend, surprised, and when she turned back the man was returning her stare. They jumped away from the window.  
“Let’s go!” Miroku said again, and ran out, leading the way.

They went out a different exit and through the service corridor, jumping over pipes and condensers. Kagome kept lagging behind and tripping, her mind elsewhere. Inuyasha took the duffel bag from her so she could keep up.

She’d seen that man before, she knew she had.

“You there! Stop please!” Someone shouted behind them. The piercing light of the torch was on them before they turned a corner.

Miroku looked over his shoulder. “There’s an exit just ahead!” He shouted, already so far ahead.

Kagome stopped running and tried to catch her breath. She knew what she had to do.

Inuyasha noticed. “The hell are you doing?!” He hissed, and tried to backtrack.

“No!” Kagome said firmly. She forced her dry throat to swallow. “You go with Miroku, and don’t get caught. Bury the ashes somewhere. Find Sango.”

Inuyasha shook his head. “I can’t- Can’t lose you again.” He mumbled

“I don't want to order you, Inuyasha.” Kagome pleaded. She exchanged a look of mutual understanding with Miroku, and he nodded curtly. “It will be alright. I have a good lawyer.” She said, laughter in her voice.

Then she spun on her heel, and ran on the opposite direction. Her feet were lighter now, as if the wind carried her weight. She saw the officers running after them. The one with the long hair was at the back, walking at a more dignified pace.

Kagome remembered then. It was the handsome stranger at her grandfather’s funeral. The same one who had pressed her father for the Tessaiga, the same sword Inuyasha was carrying away at the moment.

She dodged the other officers and ran to the long haired man, and tackled him to the ground. Her hands went to his neck, and when she grasped him he felt hollow, like a mannequin.

“I remember you.” She whispered, calm as the very earth. “I remember you from my old life, you scurry little insect.” She said, not very sure why.

His expression was priceless. He blanched, and when he felt the burning hot reiki flowing from her hands he tried to scurry away.

An officer pulled her back by the shoulders. Another threw her in handcuffs and pretty soon they were dragging her to the station. She heard them saying things to her, but understood nothing.

The only thing that mattered was the long haired man, and how, for a second he’d been frightened.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I demand theories!
> 
> Have one of mine: hair can be a representation of honor. Since the beginning of the fic we have Sesshomaru with short hair. Kagome has to sell hers to run away from danger. Inuyasha's is ruined by the time he's pulled from the tree. Miroku is growing his in rebellion since leaving the monastery.  
And of course, then there's the curly asshole.


	17. Horrid

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You wanted them to sit down and have a conversation, right?

January 8th 1997

The cell was small. There was so little room for her and the two other women that Kagome could barely breathe. The air was stale, and there were no windows. She couldn’t even fit her thoughts inside the cell.

Her knees buckled under her weight and exhaustion. She bent down to sit on the floor-

“No sitting!” Shouted the guard from outside. ‘Ah, yes’. No sitting, no sleeping and no speaking while the police investigated her involvement with Hakushin’s death. Kagome straightened up.

She tried and failed to imagine Miroku and Inuyasha escaping the police search; then turning herself in would have been for something. She tried to think too of whether Sesshomaru would bail her out or let her go to prison, considering she'd had his arm severed.

And still she hoped. If Sesshomaru had kept her alive it was for something. They could negotiate and come to an arrangement. She could fight him or escape. The justice system was another case. Charged with Hakushin’s murder, she could easily spend the rest of her life behind bars.

Her ribcage felt tight as staying in that cell became a tangible possibility. The officers had been gentle enough once they realized her connection to the Taisho clan -no more rough handling and coercing her to confess. Kagome tried to act dignified and uncaring. However her act would only work if she was bailed out and soon.

Without clocks or sunlight, she couldn’t estimate what time it was when they served them food. Kagome ate the bland rice she was given by the guards, quick and without complaint. Her stomach ached once she was done, and she leaned on the wall and let her eyes slip closed for a second.

Had it really been her, just months ago sampling dainty wedding cakes? She remembered calling Taisho late at night to tell him about the flavours. “No, really, do you prefer mascarpone or almond? Or would you mind lemon?” She had asked, like a naive schoolgirl. One of her cellmates farted, and Kagome covered her nose with her shirt, discretion be damned. She felt smelly too.

An officer came for her some time later. She was cuffed, taken to an interrogation room, and left there alone. She hoped it wasn’t another round of questioning.

From the other door stepped not a cop, but Myoga. Not who she had expected, but still. “Myoga san, please help me. I didn’t kill the monk.” Kagome declared.

The bald man shook his head disapproving. It was then that Kagome felt the weak push of his youki. She took a step back. ‘You too?’ She wanted to ask, despite knowing the answer.

Myoga didn’t lift his eyes from the ground as he spoke. “I never expected it would come to this.” He sighed.“Let’s get you out of here.”

Myouga left and it was a long while before anyone went to get her. The officer uncuffed her and opened the door for her. It felt weird to walk free again. Scary.

At the main hall there was Kimi, dressed in a pale mink coat and matching hat. Around her the officers were practically competing to light her cigarette.

“There you are!” The woman proclaimed when she saw her. She waved the men aside and ran to embrace her like a long lost daughter. “Oh, you poor dear. You’re freezing!” Kimi took off her coat and wrapped a very stumped Kagome. Kimi babbled and cooed over her, but her grip was firm as she guided her daughter-in-law outside.

She didn't need to ask to know she was in trouble, and there would be hell to pay. There was no Inuyasha as bodyguard this time. No weapons, no friends to run to. ‘I have my powers back.’ Kagome reminded herself and tried to be reassured. If she planned her next move, she could still win. She needed to come up with an escape; something clever.

Kagome skidded on the icy ground to distance herself from Kimi. She gave a confused look at the pink hued sky. “Is that the sunset?” She asked with a voice hoarse from lack of use.

Kimi was holding the back door of her car open. She raised her face to the heavens too, and breathed in deep. “It’s dawn, my dear. You were in there a full day.” She said. Then she extended a hand towards Kagome, gentle and graceful. “Now we must go.”

The rest was like vertigo. Like purposefully peering into abyss and letting herself fall. She accepted Kimi’s hand and got in the car. She let her wipe her face clean, brush her hair. She allowed her eyes close in drowsy blinks, each one longer than the last.

“I tried to warn you.” Kimi’s voice was pleasant, and yet whenever they passed under a streetlight Kagome could see the cracks on her frosty, playful facade. She let sleep take her just for a moment. Just a moment.

It felt just like falling, and she realized she was dangling instead. They were at the Taisho estate, and a man was carrying her above his shoulders like a fireman. “Is that you, Nagasada?” She mumbled, barely suppressing a yawn. Strange enough, he went into a shed they never used, right by the armory.

Kagome saw his steps go from dirty snow to stained concrete. There were deep gouges sprinkled on the pavement, in sets of four. Claw marks, she realized.

“Where are you taking me?” She asked and squirmished. There were other things strewn about -electric cables, pliers, rags, knives. Torture devices. It was a torture shack.

He flipped her over his shoulder to land on a chair. Someone else ripped away her coat and before her feet could even touch the ground she was being tied to the seat. She bucked up; she was sure she'd seen a body bag over his shoulder.

“What are you doing?” She shouted while trying to break away but the man pushed her down into the seat by the shoulders. The floor was cold under her bare feet when had they taken her shoes?

Nagasada stopped, and bent down to be eye level with her. “This doesn’t have to be violent.” He said. Kagome saw a familiar discomfort in his eyes, for she had been in his shoes once. Her nerdy friend; he didn’t want to hurt her, but he would.

“Your brother-” She began, and faltered.

“Nobunari was executed for harming you.” The other man cut in, and she realized it was Masamichi, the eldest of the Tsumetaisho siblings. He tightened the belt around her shoulders and she was pulled flush against the chair.

It was then that she noticed the walls. There were newspaper clippings, maps and photographs covering all of them. Some were stained red, some so old the ink was fading.

"Then where is Taisho?" Kagome asked, breathless. "Does he know you're holding me here?"

She almost jumped out of her skin when a hand landed over her bound one. Pale, and clawed, and with twin magenta stripes. She turned as best as she could to regard Sesshomaru.

He looked different. His crisp haircut had grown out, and the colourless strands reached his jaw now -probably as long as hers. He hadn't shaved either. The dark kimono he wore further accentuated how worn and tired he looked.

His gaze was directed downward, to their hands and she feel him pulling the wedding ring off her finger, ever so slow.

"No!" She panted. "Sesshomaru! I-I need you to tell me now if you didn't kill my family; because if it wasn't you, I know who might be behind this!"

He ignored her rambles as he brought the ring up to inspect it, then placed it in the inner folds of his haori.

"Sesshomaru! Listen to me!" She insisted.

"Quiet." He said and spun on his heel. As he did he gestured to Masamichi, and next thing she knew, Kagome was being hosed down with icy cold water. Her breath felt squeezed out of her lungs.

"Perhaps you have misread your current situation. Allow me to explain." Sesshomaru said in a trivial tone, as he made his way to the battered desk of industrial build in front of her. The one behind the body bag. He sat and finally looked at her face, appearing almost bored. “You are an enemy of our clan, and our prisoner now. I will ask the questions, and you will answer. Understood, Higurashi?”

He paused as if expecting some form of complaint from her. At finding none he reached for a tape recorder at his desk and turned it on. It whirred to life with a long beep, and he commenced his questioning. “When did you start working for Naraku?"

“What?” She blurted.

“State the date your employ to Naraku began.” He repeated dully.

“Unless you have worked for him your entire life.” Nagasada prompted from the back.

“Naraku.” Kagome tried out the word. Her teeth were chattering, and her drenched clothes dripping. “Tha- that’s Kohaku’s friend, isn’t it?” She managed to get out.

Sesshomaru exchanged a knowing glance with the men behind her. “Was it part of your orders to assassinate Hakushin?” he prodded on.

“I didn’t do it- Wait, you bailed me out thinking I was guilty?” Kagome sputtered. “I didn’t kill him, and I don’t know this Naraku, alright?” She held his gaze for a second and found no empathy there. Hopeless, she asked “Is that Kohaku in the bag?”

He threw a bunch of pictures at her feet, and she craned her neck to see. They looked like random pictures of the streets of Tokyo, a bit blurry perhaps. Then she noticed Kohaku in one of them, climbing into a familiar blue sedan. The other pictures featured the same car, and she felt a strange chill to notice she was in a few.

The hum of the tape recorder stopped, and his attention was gone to retrieving the cassette. Kagome noticed the slow and rather awkward movements of his left hand as he put the machine in motion. A load of some awful feeling threatened to crush her if she looked at his empty right sleeve, so she avoided it.

When the recorder was back to working Sesshomaru exhaled, and his shoulders relaxed. “Worry not, it isn't the Taijiya” His tone was not comforting at all as he stepped around the desk. He pulled down the zipper of the bag, peeling away black rubber from the horror inside.

She should have looked away as he did so, and yet some part of her was too stubborn and slow. Instead she saw the moldy cadaver, skin gone gray. It wasn’t naked, but the clothes had melted onto the skin, burned in ridges and ripples. It reminded her of a chemical burn, and in places the skin had dissolved altogether. Something of the angle of the head wasn’t sitting right, the skull broken somehow. The face of Mariko was nearly unrecognizable.

Kagome opened her mouth to speak, and instead felt her half digested meal rising in her throat. She winced as she held back the vomit. She focused on her lap instead, on the threads of the denim overalls. The youkai behind here weren’t unaffected either. Masamichi cursed and muttered something.

“I suspect this one was perpetrated by some colleague of yours. Done at least two weeks before your clever escape.” Sesshomaru continued, and she heard the blessed sound of the zipper going up again. “Her last communication was in early December, and it mentioned you.”

Her chin was trembling as Kagome looked up, as much from the cold as from a useless need to cry. She really didn’t like Mariko, and yet she kept seeing the beautiful flower bouquets the demoness had crafted, so at odds with her horrible end.

Sesshomaru was saying something. “-imagine my surprise when her body is found in Kyoto, the same day my wife calls my office from a jail in Gunma.”

Kagome was shaking her head, straining against her binds. “No, no, no.” She couldn’t form coherent sentences.

“Did Naraku order the Higurashi fire?”

“I don’t know!” She screamed. “I don’t know him!”

Back at his desk Sesshomaru was flipping over some papers, ignoring her outburst. “Your case struck me as strange from the beginning. For one, you survived unscathed. And yet the Fire Department ruled out arson immediately.” He trailed off.

Masamichi stepped forth and retrieved a paper from the pile. “The source of the fire was located at the northwestern corner of the residence, in or around the water heater.” He read. “That is not conclusive at all. ‘Around the water heater’ could be a homemade bomb. According to this layout, your bedroom was also on the northwest.”

“What were you doing the morning of the fire?”

She fell completely still. It was clear to her only then that Sesshomaru and his clan had already made their mind up about her; that she was bound to end up in that shed from the start; and that she didn’t have a fighting chance.

“It’s not like you’re ever going to believe it, but I don’t remember.” Kagome laughed at the hopelessness of it all.

She took a deep breath, resolute to at least unburden her chest if she was going to die there. “I know I had a nightmare and I woke up, but the sun wasn’t out yet. The doctor says I might have smelled the gas and run away on instinct. That sounds like me, always running away.”

They were silent at least. Kagome cleared her throat and pretended there weren’t tears rolling down her cheeks. “Then next thing I know I was two blocks away from home, running in my pajamas. I felt the ground shake, just once. I thought, you know, that it was a small earthquake until I heard siren after siren getting closer.”

“When I turned back and there were already firemen and officers who wouldn’t let me through. That same evening I went to the morgue to identify the bodies of the students and my family.” Her nose wrinkled at the memory of the smell in the morgue.

“The rest you know, more or less- the funeral, the press hounding me, the families rightly upset.” She tried to wipe her face on her shoulder, but the wet shirt wasn’t any help. “Only Sango dared to broach the subject with me. She said-actually, she told me ‘I’m not saying it was foul play. But if it was, you will be fighting for your life before the year is over. So come and train with us’.”

Kagome stopped as she realized Sango was either on life support at that moment or dead already. It clashed with her image of the lively woman. She didn’t bother hiding her shiver.

“What was the dream about?” Masamichi’s voice was barely above a whisper. “You said you had a nightmare.”

“Just something.” Kagome mumbled, as it came back to her slowly. “Something to do with teeth.” Her head snapped up and she looked into Sesshomaru’s citrine yellow eyes. “I did work for Naraku.” She said, as her brain worked a mile a minute to process her thoughts.

They ignored Nagasada’s triumphant ‘aha!’

“Once. And I did a horrible thing.” Kagome paused. “Listen, I’ll speak but you need to untie me. Otherwise you can hose me down, but I won’t say a peep.”

There was a small hesitance in Sesshomaru’s face. She felt the attention of the group at her feet, and Kagome was made aware again of the wires there. The torture wasn’t getting her wet; they were planning to electrocute her.

The tension was broken as Sesshomaru gave the slightest of nods. The Tsumetaisho siblings untied her. It would have been greatly dramatic, if her legs weren’t still shaking so bad they rattled the chair. Kagome sighed.

“It was ten years ago.” She began, and then she wasn’t sure how to follow. “I killed Totosai.” She blurted. “The worst part is he wasn’t the goal, I’m sure. One of our buyers -definitely this Naraku- wanted a specific sword. The Tessaiga.”

Sesshomaru’s expression was feral, like a big cat about to leap at his prey. “My father’s fang.” He said.

From what she remembered, the sword looked easily thousands of years old, but Kagome prefered not dipping her toe into everyone’s age at the moment. She was close enough already to a mental breakdown.

“He never got it. My grandfather realized the danger that sword represented and hid it. Naraku is still looking for the Tessaiga, otherwise he wouldn’t have Kohaku asking for it. Right now Inuyasha has the sword.” She withered under his gaze.

“You gave my father’s sword to the weakest half breed you could find.” He said through gritted teeth.

“Are you sure you want to call Inuyasha weak?” She knew her eyes would go to his missing arm. Instead she closed them and ignored the nagging of regret.

She heard his smooth baritone as if she was by his side. “How do you expect me to trust you?"

Kagome opened her eyes to find Sesshomaru examining her. There was distrust in his eyes, the only thing left between them. And something else she couldn't quite place, but it unsettled her.

Then something shifted in his demeanor. "Take her to Chiyo." She was dismissed from his mind too, and his attention was gone to the files on his desk and the tape recorder.

Nagasada had to carry her again; both because she had no shoes, and because her legs felt unstable. He picked her up on his arms this time. She left the shed a prisoner of a little higher standing.

There were the usual comforts of the old Taisho house. The quaint bathhouse, the delightful trinkets, the views. Kagome tried to be distracted by them.

Some of her belongings had been moved to a small room in the attic; a book half read, cosmetics, undergarments and nightwear. No shoes, no outerwear. It was an elegant reminder: she wasn't leaving the house. The room barely fit a futon, the roof was low, but it was clean and cozy. Not bad for a hostage, she supposed.

Suddenly she felt exhausted. Tired of scrambling around from roof to roof. She hadn't had any place to call home for close to a year, and she felt worn.

She sat there, after changing into her pajamas and looked at Chiyo, at loss for what to do. "Dinner should be up shortly." Chiyo offered brightly.

Kagome chuckled and it sounded sad to herself. "I know it's your job to stand guard. But could you sit inside for a minute?" Without a word, Chiyo ducked inside and sat on the tiny strip of floor available.

"Sesshomaru is going to kill me, isn't he?" Kagome asked her. She remembered his sharp claws as she'd seen them that day. She could partly imagine how they would feel digging into her throat.

"Taisho sama could have executed you a long time ago." The demoness answered, blunt as she'd never been before. "And he didn't. Instead you grew together. You nourish each other."

Her comment gave Kagome pause.

Her dinner arrived, served in beautiful china, and some jasmine tea. She ate and then settled in bed, willing to sleep away her time in captivity.

When she dreamt herself a four legged creature, it was almost funny, because the dream felt so familiar. She was back to staring at the ceiling, awake in the blue hours before dawn.

But it all had rubbed her the wrong way. Kagome realized she hadn't answered any of her questions -Why had Naraku killed her family, and not her, in all this time? Where was Kohaku? And why hadn't Sesshomaru offed her either?

She crawled to the door and opened it gently, as quiet as she could. Chiyo was sitting, leaned against the opposite wall, bright awake. Her yellow eyes reflected the light in the murky corridor.

"You need to know." The other woman whispered, handing her a pair of hiking boots.

Kagome nodded. She understood, or at least thought she did.

The boots looked old, outdated as most things Taisho were wont to be. She could tell they would be small on her feet. And yet the gesture touched her, because Chiyo was risking falling out of favour for her.

She left the Main House in the dark and walked in the general direction she remembered the Taisho Sanctuary being. Her feet found the path, and she followed.

It took more skill to cross the terrain over snow. She looked over her shoulder to the hulking mass of the Main House, and noticed a few windows were lit up. She ran faster, her pulse a mad tempo.

In one thing at least Sesshomaru had been truthful: his was a dead forest. No birds chirped above her, no sounds at all. She felt at odds huffing and sweating in such a place. She couldn't even feel the cold.

'Why do you keep me alive?' She asked Taisho in her head. 'What am I worth to you?'

When she reached the Sanctuary at last, a soft light bathed the premise. Kagome felt strange not paying her respects to the deity, so she did. While she bowed, her eyes were drawn to the many, many offerings left all those weeks ago by the other Taisho members. That's what they had come to do in the clan reunion.

She could still see the three jars of sake Sesshomaru and her had brought, when he said it would cure her nightmares. And her heart stopped.

Three jars, three family members.

_Three_ would be too great a coincidence. And Sesshomaru wouldn't be that reckless. Kagome turned to the statue of smooth white stone and wished she could discuss with him what she was about to do, ask for forgiveness.

'I'll have to add defacer of holy places to my list.' she resolved. She reached for the bottle closest to her and uncorked it to reveal the ashes inside. They were a familiar shade of grey. Human remains.

"You bastard!" She hissed. Kagome unsealed the other two bottles to find more of the same. And then she opened the jars left by the Taisho clan, to uncover ashes, and ashes, and ashes. 'Whose are these?' she asked herself frantically.

She felt Sesshomaru’s youkai, and turned to find him standing behind her. ‘Unaware of your surroundings’ said the voice of a dead girl in her head.

Shame didn’t suit him. It clashed with his elegant features, even his strange markings. It made him look smaller and out of place. “I have become a grave robber in order to survive.” He said, his voice a rough whisper.

Kagome stood. She ran her hands through her hair, if only to have something to do instead of strangle him. “You bastard.” she repeated.

Sesshomaru looked away, in that moment looking much more fragile. “Higurashi Tatsuki came to bind me a hundred and ten years ago. He was partly successful, although it wasn’t apparent at the time.” His golden eyes grazed hers for a second, then he looked away again.

“When he was harmed he cowered. He begged for his life, promising all sorts of ransom-”

Kagome scoffed. “So he offered you a bride?”

“An alliance against my enemy, with his own daughter.” He was quiet and unreadable for a second. “Such things bear meaning.”

He took a step closer. “The daughter was killed by your grandfather, I believe.”

Kagome winced. “Jii san?”

“The curse got stronger.” Sesshomaru said, at this point within reaching distance. “The Higurashi could tap onto my life’s energy at any given time. You have done so yourself.”

She had. She knew.

“It is old yokai magic. A spell that humans have no business using.”

She could feel something taking shape in her mind. “Is that what you use on your hanyou?”

He touched her. His hand went to her elbow, and then he pulled her to him. When he spoke it was with that unsettling emotion that she’d seen in him earlier. “How do I trust you?” He asked against all logic.

There was no answer, because she couldn’t trust him either. Kagome wished for a second that they could quit this and go back to their sham marriage arrangement. That they could escape, run far away, and be a shallow young couple.

The idea was discarded when he lowered his forehead to rest on her shoulder, and she felt his warmth, his familiar scent. Between them were all the dredges of horror and grief that their union had unearthed. She could feel them, contained between their bodies.

“You don’t.”

Kagome leaned her head against his.


	18. Zealotry

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sorry about this super short chapter, but I haven't been able to write much for the last month, and will likely not be able until April, so I wanted to give you all something to nibble meanwhile. 
> 
> Itadakimasu?

Kagome wondered what went on inside her husband’s head. She remembered where exactly the soft spot on Sesshomaru’s temple was; if she could crack it open would she find and orderly plan, or was the man as lost as she was?

Did he feel any remorse for all the lies he’d told her, for treating her like an empty vessel, at least for the stolen remains? Or did he, like her, feel only a slight embarrassment about being unrepentant?

She obeyed when he lead her back to the house; when she was made to change into a dry set of pajamas; when taken to the library to question further. 

She was coming to recognize that sense of constraint and her outward meekness as a survival instinct, so she went with it. She had never been cool headed or strategic, but she could trust herself to find times to be passive, and times to be brash.

The library this time felt different, and it was a shame, because she’s always enjoyed that room. Someone had brought in a collection of old and mismatched chalkboards to cover every wall and bookcase, with notes scribbled on some of them in faded chalk.

There were the Tsume brothers again. They didn’t muster phony pleasantries and ‘how are you’s, and neither did Kagome. She settled on the cushion at the center of the room, pulled her shawl closer around her shoulders, and gestured for them to start.

“We need to establish a timeline: from your indoctrination in the Higurashi trade, any events surrounding the fire, and the times you went missing during the marriage.” Nagasada instructed, looking like an eager schoolteacher. “This will help us determine your involvement in Naraku’s schemes as well as your level of trustworthiness.”

Her lips pursed. “You want intelligence on my family’s dealings.” She shifted uncomfortably in her seat. “I’ve never spoken about what my father taught me. I wasn't even allowed to repeat what he said.”

Nagasada wrote that down.

“I’m sorry, Kagome.” Masamichi said flatly. “We still need you to talk. This is to defeat Naraku, remember?”

She nodded, nose wrinkling in distaste. Yes, the bigger cause. “Should we start chronologically? I never paid attention to our family history. I know we claim descendance from the priestess Kaede, from Edo. A line of healers, although I’m not sure if it was always with, ah…” She trailed off. Her nails were digging into her palms.

“Youkai medicine?” Nagasada offered. “When Naraku infiltrates a holy order, that’s the first thing he teaches them.”

“Because that’s youkai knowledge isn’t it? It’s the same thing you do with those ashes.” She raised her head and looked at them, reminded that they weren’t any better.

Nagasada nodded despite himself.

“What are you?” She snapped. “Are you Sesshomaru’s children? Is that it? I-I killed your brother, how can you be in the same room as me, as if nothing happened?” They didn’t react, to her annoyance, and she huffed.

“We follow the rules for the same reason you do: survival.” Masamichi answered at last. “Sesshomaru sama tolerates other inu youkai, even hanyou, if they are loyal to him. We traded off our free will.”

Kagome pressed the knuckles of her tight fist to her mouth to stop herself. Not all hanyou, she knew. And while she was there wasting time, Inuyasha was somewhere on his way to Tokyo, a target as bright as his robes.

“I have an idea.” Nagasad exclaimed. “Do you remember the artifacts you kept in the shrine? We can make a list with the dates in which your family acquired them, and work from there.”

She sighed. “I gave everything that wasn’t burned to the Taijiya, which means Naraku has them now. Doesn’t make me look more innocent, does it?”

The brothers exchanged a look. “All the more reason to make that list.” Nagasada admitted, rolling up his sleeves.

  
  
  


Her fingernails left red welts in her hands, but she spoke. Well into the evening she tattled about musty leathers, carved bones, vials of thick oil, stolen weapons. Raids she’d gone to, and hadn’t gone too. Times she hadn’t asked. The brothers turned her confessions into notes with the tap-tap-tap of chalk on slate.

Noise picked up around the house with the night. She vaguely felt Sesshomaru’s youki approaching in the distance, tickling her senses.

“Can we continue this tomorrow?” Kagome asked. “I want to go to bed now.”

Nagasada hesitated. “It’s barely past seven. And you have to eat dinner.”

“I’m tired.” Kagome said, not entirely a lie.

Masamichi slid the door open for her. “Sesshomaru sama will want to speak to you first. Then you may retire.”

She felt like a sullen teenager being forced to eat dinner. Except that at the kitchen, there was only one plate -for her. Kagome would have been more preoccupied about it if the food didn’t taste so delicious- it always did in the Taisho house. 

They certainly had a strange preference for eel, but she wasn’t about to complain. It tasted strangely familiar, like a dish her mother used to make when she was little.

She was done with her food just as she heard the chorus of voices welcoming Sesshomaru at the foyer. She pushed the plate away and stood up abruptly. Better be done with him already.

Kagome marched into the foyer, chin held high. There was Kimi, hanging her coat, and a white haired woman she didn't know helping Sesshomaru take off his. A small and ridiculous part of her felt territorial.

"Ah, wife." Sesshomaru said, as if just then remembering her existence. His hair was still uncut, but he’d shaved and his face looked sharper. Markings of cold colors bloomed back over his skin. He shrugged off the garment and straightened his sweater underneath. It fit snugly against his body; the right sleeve was pinned where his armed cut off -_ had been cut off _.

The conviction died down in her throat. Instead she managed a simpering “Hi.”

Sesshomaru turned to regard her, an eyebrow arched in incredulity. “Has she been helpful?” He looked behind her, to the brothers, who must have nodded, because he then said “Excellent.”

He walked ahead of them, to the library. Kimi gently held Kagome’s elbow and guided her to follow.

“I’ll take Kagome, boys. And doesn’t she look lovely? Much restored.” The older woman said, appraising her with sharp eyes.

The old lamps in the library cast a weak amber light and long shadows. Sesshomaru examined the notes on each board briefly.

‘See, I complied.’ Kagome felt like saying, although it sounded pathetic. She shook herself. “Naraku has all of these things at his disposal now, with the Taijiya. Although I don’t understand why he would attack them if they’re loyal to him.”

“It’s his regular practice to execute his henchmen once they're no longer useful.” Kimi supplied.

Kagome ignored the sting in her chest. “He’ll go after Inuyasha and the sword too, if we don’t get to him first.”

Sesshomaru tapped his claws against the board labeled ‘Medicine’. His back was turned to her as he asked “Do you understand why they are important?”

It wasn’t clear if he meant the potions or his brother and the sword, but it didn’t matter. “The soul is connected to the body.” She recognized. “In stealing the weapons and, uhm-” She cleared her throat. “The remnants of those youkai, Naraku can have their souls. But for what?”

Sesshomaru walked to the next chalkboard. Then the next. “He consumes them.”

Next to her, Kimi made a disapproving sound. “It is how he gets stronger. We believe he might have started as a human, and this capability of absorbing youkai made him strong.”

Kagome scowled. “I know of other humans who attempted it, but they don’t live long. Kohaku tried to do that with Naraku, when he was my father's pupil. But they didn't tell me what exactly happened, they never included me-”

Kimi reached for her hand and gave her a reassuring squeeze. “It is alright.” She whispered.

Sesshomaru was observing her too. “The question remains: why were you kept alive? Either you are working for him, or-”

“I’m not!” She insisted.

“You might not know it.” Kimi suggested. “All you would need is a simple spell to forget."

Kagome recoiled from the woman. She shot a look to Sesshomaru, seeking some reassurance from him. “I did not kill my family.” She reiterated. “You-you said ‘or’. What’s the other option? I’m too unimportant to kill?”

He released a long breath. “Are you familiar with the Shikon no Tama?”

She blanched for a second, and then slowly it came to her. “Inuyasha.”

  
  


Once there was a priestess who fought a thousand, thousand demons. Their souls were locked in eternal battle, forming a jewel of immense power. Whoever possessed became strong and unbeatable, but corrupted. 

The miko Kikyou was entrusted with its care. However she fell in love with Inuyasha, and the hanyou used the opportunity to try and take the jewel. As a result, he was pinned to the tree, and Kikyou died, taking the jewel with her to the pyre.

Naraku had sprung to life around the time, looking for the jewel fruitlessly. Some believed the Higurashi line might be able to bring the jewel back, as they were descendants of the great Kaede.

Kagome was reeling by the end of the tale. She had trouble reconciling Inuyasha with that past; she told herself it didn't fit his story. And yet the realm of the impossible grew smaller everyday. A jewel that could grant wishes had existed, and she was expected to procure it somehow.

She placed her hand on the wall to stabilize herself. “I don’t know anything about this jewel. My grandfather mentioned a similar legend once, but that’s it. I don’t know.”

Sesshomaru nodded, almost sympathetic. “The hanyou is familiar with the Shikon no Tama, and he did not feel its energy about you either, else he would have taken it.” There was a moment of charged silence. “Naraku might still seek to obtain it from you.”

Her head hurt. “So either this Naraku recruited me already, or he wants me to churn out a jewel. Great! I can't win can I?” Her question was ernest, despite herself. “It's all for nothing” Kagome whispered as she plopped on the floor, uncaring.

She thought of Miroku and Inuyasha, and the suicide mission she had sent them on. All to fall right back into the hands of Naraku if they reached Sango.

Sesshomaru walked to her; he stared down. “There is a way to confirm your loyalty, even if you have been manipulated.”

“Like a polygraph test?” She ventured.

He crouched to be eye level with her. “Mating.” He offered only.

Kagome snorted. “Pardon?” Only men would think of such a thing in that moment.

“It is more complex than a rut, of course. Mating is an ancient youkai ritual.” Kimi interjected. “Rivals forging an alliance as partners might mate. Through the bond they share strength and a certain...openness.” Kimi sounded detached and paper thin, like a liar.

"A mating bond would combine our strengths." Sesshomaru said, voice low and careful. "Had Naraku placed a spell upon your mind, I can defeat it."

"And in return I'd be tied to Sesshomaru." Kagome finished, picking up on the unspoken repercussions. "Am I wrong?" She demanded, looking in turns at Sesshomaru and Kimi.

"Of course." The demoness answered. "Both will be bound, body and soul. Even your life span would be inhumanly prolonged."

'Til death do us part' Kagome had sworn on a golden fall morning, a blind girl in a wedding dress. Fate seemed determined to turn that into a sentence.

She heard steps coming from the hallway. Another Inu Youkai -she couldn't bother keeping track of names anymore- stood at the door. "There's news of the hanyou." The male said, looking at them uncomfortable.

Sesshomaru stood in one smooth motion. "Speak." He instructed simply.

The male gave her a last distrustful glance and cleared his throat. "Our agents caught up to him in Yokohama, when he was escaping from a fight. Inuyasha is wounded but still holds the Tessaiga. His human companions are worse off. The woman might not survive the night without proper care."

"She still lives?" Sesshomaru asked, sounding disinterested.

"Is that Sango?" She asked the guy, and when he didn't answer she repeated the question to Sesshomaru. "Can't you get her to a doctor then? She's useful. She was with the Taijiya! Maybe-"

He raised a hand to silence her. "We require her confession before she dies."

"No!" Kagome cried. "She was my friend. You're rich, goddamn it! Get her a doctor or something!"

There was warning in Taisho's yellow eyes, in the way his jaw tightened. But Kagome felt alive and incapable of backing down. Her friend's life would not be a cold decision taken from her.

Sesshomaru kept his attention on her as he instructed the male. "We will question the Taijiya in Niigata. Make sure she arrives there in decent conditions."

Kimi sensed the tense atmosphere and pulled the guy along with her as she left the room.

Kagome wanted to call after her, scared now to be left with Sesshomaru. If being at the Taisho house was like sailing at night, now she felt thrown into the dark ocean.

'I never had a choice.' She thought, allowing herself one last second of self pity, of lamenting the tumble of events in her life.

Then she stood, needing to be at her full height; taller. She needed it all to make sense. The death of friends and relatives, their disturbed rest, their misdeeds in life. All of it had to be worth _ something _ if she set it right.

"This mating, how do we go about it?" She demanded.

"Between youkai it is simple enough. There is an exchange of their essence- your scientists would call it stem cells- through a bite." He extended his arm and placed his hand over her nape. Claws, pulled back to dull fingernails, scratched at the sides of her spine, pulling upward. "Here."

She repressed a sigh as his fingers tangled with her messy hair, and tugged to be freed.

"However, as you are human and unwilling, we will transfer the marrow artificially. It is a quick procedure." He came across dispassionate and vague. Kagome could not shake the feeling it was not as easy as all that.

"This is a bad idea." She swallowed, took a step closer. "Everything, from the minute I met you has been wrong. But I can't fight the call. It's- it's like that pull to the edge of a tall cliff."

She realised she was staring into his eyes, mere inches apart. Kagome sighed and looked away.

"Maybe this is it." She mumbled. "Atonement."

Sesshomaru reached out to straighten the collar of her shirt, carefully avoiding her exposed skin. When he answered her gaze his face denoted the patience and worry one would feel for a simpleton.

"There is no fixing the past; there are no reparations. We only move forward, becoming horrible creatures for the people we protect." He said, tone softer but words blunt.

Kagome pressed her hand against his shoulder, wanting to push him away. Instead she propped herself up to kiss him, needy and with pain on every inch of her heart.

Sesshomaru returned the kiss, hand firmly pressing her hips closer to his. She should be disgusted at him, and yet pulling away seemed impossible.

As she breathed, it was not merely oxygen she drew to her lungs. It was his smell, his closeness, the illusion that with him she was protected and happy.

Her calves tired from standing on tiptoes, and Kagome stepped back. Words didn't come to her.

"Go. Rest." Sesshomaru instructed, noticing her hesitance.

She scampered out, in her flurry turning off the light. She didn't realize her blunder until she was halfway down the hall, but when she looked over her shoulder the lights were still off. Sesshomaru remained inside, like a nocturnal animal.

She stumbled around in a similar gloom to her assigned quarters, where she fell to a dreamless sleep, hugging her pillow.

Early next morning Chiyo went to wake her. One of the Taishos was a doctor, and they were driven to her office for the procedure. By noon she put Kagome under anesthesia, and she went to sleep again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I would like to take this moment to thank the readers for sticking to this story. I know it's gotten dark and off topic. But An Arrangement is the fic where I can work through s lot of incongruous stuff that I feel. sometimes in uncertainty and difficult times such feelings spring up, and I wanted to address that.  
And also, more directly say this: there is always a right way, everyone is worth redemption, and no matter what holes the characters are digging themselves in, they'll come out on top as better people. Eventually.


	19. Indignity

January 10th 1997

Kagome had expected there to be a noticeable difference when she woke. Immortality, even if borrowed, should have a flavour. She had become the creature in her dreams, inhuman and feeding on souls -she should at least look terrifying.

Her hands were the same; her scars were all there; and she was given a large bandaid for the incision on her nape.

As soon as she was finished getting dressed, Nagasada was at her door. “You don’t remember anything different?” He inquired.

Kagome shook her head.

“Taisho sama couldn’t feel any spell on you,” Naga admitted. His face wasn’t triumphant or accusing. Instead his eyes fluttered around the hospital room as if he could find the missing piece of the puzzle just lying about in there.

“And where is he now?” She asked.

“He’ll be here shortly,” Nagasada responded, and then stuttered trying to find his next words. “Are you familiar with silver smelting?”

She let her confused expression be the answer to that.

He cleared his throat. “Well, you see, to extract pure silver from an ore, the rest of the components are taken away with heat and reducing chemicals,” he explained.

Kagome’s attention dropped as she felt Sesshomaru’s presence closing in. Not as a vague tingle over her skin, but a strong pull towards him, throwing her off-kilter.

Her gaze was fixed on the door long before Sesshomaru made his entrance. When she saw him the stirring was stronger, and Kagome could only think from the back of her mind, ‘Oh no’.

“What’s all this about?” She asked her husband.

Sesshomaru shot Nagasada a frosty glare that quieted him. He turned his attention then to Kagome, circling around her as if examining her. She turned her face away from him, but a detail caught her attention from the corner of her eye. ‘His arm is healed’ she thought for a second. But it wasn't quite that: he was wearing a prosthetic, the hand peeking from his sleeve a matte black color.

“What this imbecile is trying to imply, is that his assumptions were wrong,” Sesshomaru informed her.

Kagome let out a breath that she’d held too long in her chest. “I knew it! I told you I didn’t harm my family.”

The small groan that sprouted from Sesshomaru’s chest was almost humoured. “We believed you a mere pawn in the game, and yet you complicate things further, Kagome.” He took a seat in the armchair by the corner and watched them.

She turned to Nagasada, who was extending a photograph in her direction. She accepted it, and tried to discern the shapes in the grainy picture. It was a fish eye shot, so it took her a while to recognize the street of her family home. The digits on the bottom clued her in that it was security camera footage from the convenience store in the corner, taken on April 2nd at 8:19 in the morning. There was a white spot by the entrance to the Shrine. A figure.

“That’s you, but we couldn’t explain what that light was,” Nagasada said, circling the silhouette. “It could be youki, or a barrier- Naraku tends to use those. But now that we know you weren’t working for him it’s clear.” He paused and took a small step backwards.  
“It’s the power of the Shikon no Tama keeping you alive.”

Kagome was caught between looking at the picture and Nagasada. “What?”

“Or reanimating you, most like,” Nagasada elaborated. “Yukari noted you have some strange vital signs -low temperature and resting heart rate- so it’s entirely possible that the explosion, uh, killed you.”

Kagome dropped the picture.

In a smaller voice, Nagasada continued. “The fire that day was not an assassination per se, but Naraku’s way of smelting out the Shikon no Tama.”

Kagome closed her eyes and took breath after breath. “You can’t keep springing things like this on me,” she pleaded. She turned to Sesshomaru. “So what, now you want me to pop out a jewel? I swear I have no idea-”

“It’s you,” Sesshomaru interjected. For a second he looked at her again like he used to do: with softness.

“The jewel has merged with you. It’s the only remaining explanation,” Nagasada agreed “Were it extractable, Naraku or his henchmen could have taken it already.”

Kagome looked at Sesshomaru for some sort of reassurance, but he was deep in thought. To her surprise, he was absently flexing the fingers of his robotic arm. “It explains your healing abilities as well. That you were able to make wake the hanyou, let alone his recovery, is a test to that."

Something else was bothering her. “At the monastery, a monk woke from a coma when we arrived. I -I think he knew. Hakushin said I was your precious jewel.” Saying it out loud, the strange comment finally made sense.

Sesshomaru scoffed. “The same monk you were accused of murdering?”

She shook her head, willing the thoughts away from her head. “If I’m what Naraku wants, you should kill me,” She declared.

He stood abruptly. “Dying is not an option you can afford,” he determined, with the weariness of several centuries piled over. “We have people to protect.”

Seeing her people would have to wait -although she was told Sango, Inuyasha and Miroku were in a secure location. For the time being, Sesshomaru needed her to play the part of wife for a public function.

How ridiculous it felt, to slip into her pastel colored gown and coat her face in makeup. She clipped on her earrings and fixed up her hair. ‘All this while, you’ve been living on stolen time,’ she told herself.

She’d had to borrow a gown from Kimi- one with a high neckline, to cover the surgical wound. She checked again that the bandage didn’t show before making her way to Sesshomaru’s room. She knocked and waited patiently until he opened.

Sesshomaru said nothing, but he looked irked. He signaled her to come in.

“There is a dagger for you there. You must carry it with you always,” He instructed.

She walked over to the low table, and picked up the weapon. It was small, even for a woman’s weapon. The sheath was smooth and unadorned, and the blade dark steel. “It’s youkai made,” she thought out loud.

Kagome turned to Sesshomaru and found the source of his annoyance: he was trying to fasten his tie with one hand. “Can I help you with anything?” She offered.

He was silent as he figured out some way to pull the knot taut.

She watched him do it a few times with a growing pressure on her chest. “Sesshomaru, I-” she didn’t know where to begin. “When I ordered Inuyasha to attack you, I thought we were enemies. I never would have done that if I’d known the truth.”

He managed with the tie, and finally looked at her. “Yes, we had established that. Then we modified our arrangement,” he stated.

Kagome took a step forward, only because he felt so distant. “I’m sorry about your arm, I wish I could undo everything that happened that night,” she said, her voice going to a pained whisper.

His attention was gone again, to selecting a pair of shoes. “Actions cannot be reversed. And I will not be pitied by you,” he concluded, closing the topic. With the way his lip had curled in distaste over the words, she knew pressing the issue would not be any good.

“Can you tell me anything more about the event we’re going to?” She asked instead.

“A fundraising ball by Akudan Corporate; the partners from my firm will be there too. Attending wouldn’t be necessary, but we haven’t been in public since the car accident.”

“Ah,” Kagome said, strangely entertained, “we were in a car accident?” So that's the explanation he’d given for the arm. “What about my disappearance in Myoko?”

He was in the middle of getting his wallet. “I told everyone you had a nervous breakdown and a pill addiction.”

Kagome tried not to feel too bitter about it. “Thanks, I’m sure that was necessary.”

Sesshomaru gave a curt nod and paused to retrieve something from his breast pocket. Her ring. She took it from him outstretched hand and placed it around her finger, where it once again felt clunky.

She examined the ring against her skin. “Won’t Naraku hear of this? His plan so far was making us kill each other. If we show up hand in hand, he’ll know the gig is up.” She frowned. Their only advantage against Naraku was figuring out his motivations. Like hell if she was going to let him know that.

“All our moves are watched; this event is the only cover to meet my informant,” he revealed to her. He laid his hand over hers to stop her fidgeting with the ring. “Meanwhile, you have an important part to play.”

‘You must cry’ Sesshomaru had instructed her. And luckily, she had mountains to cry over.

“I’m so -sorry” Kagome tried to speak between sobs that wrecked her body. The small group of sympathetic women crowded around the seating area before the ladies’ room -some were wives of Sesshomaru’s coworkers, or they just recognized Kagome from all the gaudy coverage there had been of her wedding.

“It’s alright,” a lady in a mauve dress reassured her, anguished about the public meltdown.

Kagome pressed a hand over her chest to normalize her breathing. “I just had too much to drink.” She looked in the general direction of the door; her face scrunched and she tried to stifle a sob. “But he scares me so much!”

A woman around her age silently provided her a tissue. Kagome made a clumsy bow her way and accepted it. She patted her face dry and offered an apologetic smile. “I’m so sorry to be troubling you,” she said, and bowed again.

Dignity would forever be a stranger to her after this, so she hoped Sesshomaru’s plan at least worked. As she calmed down the women dispersed, although a few iddled and snuck glances her way.

Who could be the spy? The old woman at the back? The girl applying a third layer of lipstick? Or no one, and all they could hope for was a piece of gossip reaching Naraku’s web and being convincing enough to give them an advantage.

She went over to the mirrors and tried to fix her makeup. No amount of soft lighting could be flattering on her swollen eyelids and clotted mascara; she eventually gave up and stared at her face.

‘You’re dead.’ She thought again. There were more morbid thoughts tied to that one. Was she rotten inside? Inuyasha had said she smelled like death.

She stopped. Sesshomaru had instructed her to rejoin by the bar after an hour, and it was almost time. Kagome made her way there and looked in vain for his silver head. She couldn’t feel him close either.

Her watched ticked well past their appointment. The ball was in the event hall of the skyscraper, and Sesshomaru had said he was meeting his informer in one of the empty upper levels. What if he’d been ambushed? She felt a cold sweat pooling over her skin.

He wasn’t almighty, as she’d come to view him in her anger. It downed on Kagome that she would have no clue what to do if he went missing. A claw of fear dug itself in her stomach: ‘What do I do if he’s injured?’

And then she saw it: the emergency exit was right by the coat check. If she made it there, she could take the stairs up to whatever floor Sesshomaru was in. She stood by the line of the coat check, waiting for an opening to scurry away.

“Great party, eh, Taisho san?” an older man said to her.

Kagome stood dumbstruck for a second. “Hamada san!” she acknowledged. It was the founding partner in Sesshomaru’s firm. She’d met him at the wedding. “How good to see you!” She proclaimed with genuine warmth.

“A short lived pleasure; I’ve just come to get our coats. These events run too late for me,” he admitted, showing his numbered tag. “Now, where’s Taisho? I had one last thing to tell him.”

Kagome opened her mouth to speak, but stopped. She was supposed to paint their relationship in a negative light, but she couldn’t do that with his boss. It felt low. “I’m the last person you should ask,” she muttered.

Hamada considered her with a stern look. “You two have had it rough,” he surmised.

The line moved forward, and they advanced with it.

Hamada pulled a face. “When your husband began working with us, I wasn’t very impressed. These old family kids are always big talk and no bite,” he joked. “but now I think he’s the only one who could take over the firm.”

Kagome had to make an effort to keep her focus on the conversation. It was far from a banal topic, but she couldn’t fit it inside her head along with scheming youkai and sacred jewels. As Hamada got his coat, Kagome gazed towards the dance floor and colorful lights. It was commendable that Taisho could keep up his human act so well; she felt one comment away from getting caught.

“Yes, if I know anything about Taisho, is that he overcomes all obstacles," he appraised.

‘From surviving curses to manipulating brides,’ Kagome thought to herself.

“To be honest, Hamada san, I wish we’d never gotten married,” she admitted. There, it wasn’t a bash of his character, and it wasn’t a lie either.

Kagome walked away. Next to her, a woman tripped over her own skirts, and in the fuss that ensued to help her up, she scurried out the fire exit.

The stairwell reverberated with the music on the other side. It was badly lit, and Kagome opted for holding her heels in hand rather than stumble in them up the dark stairs. ‘No time to waste.’

Five floors up she could feel Sesshomaru again. She decided to stop counting stories at eleven. He was close. She could weakly feel another sort of youki too, one that had goosebumps running down her arms.

From the floor above, the elevator dinged and the doors opened. Kagome heard the sharp click of stilettos against the floor; voices. She quickly tiptoed closer up the steps and closer to the door, to press her ear against it.

“Apologies, Sesshomaru. The meeting stretched longer than usual. I only have a few minutes.” It was a throaty voice, but definitely female. She said something else, too hushed for Kagome to make out. Then steps towards the door.

Kagome jumped back as the door was swung open by Sesshomaru. She knew the look he gave her; the reprimand from every time she’d tried escaping him. ‘Can’t you see I ran to you now?’

From behind him, the fluorescent lights blinked haphazardly. “So will your wife be joining us?” The woman called from inside.

Sesshomaru didn’t answer and turned back. Kagome catched the open door and went behind him.

The room -what had been an office- was a stark contrast to the hall bellow. The floor had been evacuated in a hurry, or at least it looked that way. A few pieces of half-broken furniture remained, and monitors thrown about, some still connected, some with broken screens. The sound of static filled the air.

And the woman at the center of it all, under the failing lights and exposed ducts. “Hello there,” she said. Her voice was pleasant; she was beautiful. And yet there was something unnatural emanating from her, a dense aura of wrongness. Her eyes shone with red light, and it drew forth a sensation in her gut she wasn’t sure how to name.

Kagome almost stepped on a shard of glass. She looked down to find her pantyhose were ripped and stained with dust. Part of her didn’t want to look up again at the disincongreous room.

“Go on, Kagura,” Sesshomaru instructed.

“I’ll be brief,” The woman said, addressing him. “Naraku has been especially secretive about his location. That could mean his form is unstable again.”

The breath was short in Kagome’s lungs; she felt a strange tingle go through her veins. When Sesshomaru had said he had an informant, she didn’t expect one of his minions showing up.

Kagura continued. “The only operation right now is getting the relics he got from the Taijiya out of the country. Hakudoshi has been gone to Taiwan for a few months now, so that’s your best bet.”

Sesshomaru scoffed. “All is under a false identity. My men have found no paper trail.”

The red eyed woman tapped her cheek in thought. “I’m not informed of the legal names he owns. But I wouldn’t be surprised he’s changed them. His league of politicians are running out of favor, so he’ll do the usual and cut strings.”

“I see now that you’ve come to spread falsehoods. What did Naraku offer you this time?” Sesshomaru inquired.

Kagura’s lips curled back and back, from grimace into snarl. A gust of glacial wind struck the windows so hard Kagome feared they might shatter.

When she turned to Sesshomaru she found his stance had changed; his claws were drawn. Her own hand went to the dagger concealed in her bodice.

Kagura scoffed, stepped back, and the tension dropped. “I have to return now,” she declared. She turned to the elevator and pressed the button repeatedly, betraying certain urgency.

“My offer still stands,” Sesshomaru announced to her before she could step into the lift.

The grainy sound of static dominated the room again as the doors closed behind her. Then Kagura’s aura retreated, and Kagome found her voice. “What is she?”

Sesshomaru was still turned towards the lift, his shoulders raising and falling with every breath. “One of Naraku’s incarnations. She was in rebellion against him.”

‘Was’, in past tense. No longer. Kagome frowned, and for lack of anything else to do, put on her shoes. “Do you think she’ll tell Naraku of the meeting?”

“Not unless she wants to be devoured.” He pulled back within himself. Without her notice, his markings had shown on his skin, but as Sesshomaru slid a hand down his face, it returned to its colorless state.

She cleared her throat. “I forgot the coats downstairs.”

They had to go back to the ostentatious event, and hold up their act. ‘Half an hour’ Sesshomaru had estimated. The music felt trite and the drinks too sugary to her taste. Truly it was her act of frightened wife that grew heavy on her. It felt not only futile but bothersome; she had so many questions to ask Sesshomaru.

When he finally went to get her, he gave only blunt goodbyes and drove her away with an almost forceful grip. ‘Is that acting?’ Kagome wanted to ask him. Out into the street they went, where he hailed a cab to a rather pompous hotel.

Kagome couldn’t hold the silence anymore. “You could have told me we were going to spend the night,” she muttered. More objections and gripes were ready to pour from her throat, and she shook herself. It hardly mattered that she hadn’t brought a change of clothes; they had much bigger problems. It was just easier to feel mad at him.

With a sigh, she directed her gaze to the streets outside. Snow covered all roofs and sidewalks. As they crossed the river she saw the banks were freezing over. She hadn’t known winters were so vicious up north.

Not long after, they arrived at the hotel, got a room; but when walking to the elevator, Sesshomaru took a different turn. They crossed a locker room and went out to a service alley. He walked ahead with quick paces to an unmarked door which he forced open and disappeared into the darkness.

She thought she heard a scream coming from inside. Kagome frowned and entered. Her eyes adjusted to the dark hallway, and she found an open door to an apartment. The lights were on at the living room, and she could see Sesshomaru already there. Holding Inuyasha by the throat.

“Silence the hanyou,” he demanded.

“Yes, yes! But let him go!” Kagome pleaded.

He released Inuyasha, and he fell to the ground clutching at his windpipe. “The fuck is going on?” the hanyou coraked with a hoarse voice.

Kagome hushed him and crouched to be at eye level with him. “We have to be quiet right now. There’s spies after us-”

“Us?” Inuyasha jerked away from her.

She couldn’t help looking at Sesshomaru over her shoulder while she figured out her next words. “I had to cut a deal with Sesshomaru. Things are more complicated than I thought,” she reasoned with him.

The door to the bedroom slid open, and Miroku peeked outside. “Kagome sama, Taisho sama,” he bowed to each. “Sango and I would like to hear this conversation too.” As he spoke he pushed the door open further, revealing a badly battered girl in the futon behind him.

  
Kagome shot a rapid fire of questions -was Sango alright? was that from the house invasion? what happened after they were separated.

The right side of Sango’s face was a purple, swollen mess, and she couldn’t speak around her respirator, so Miroku answered for her. Sango had been stabbed in the chest and had a collapsed lung. At the hospital they were keeping her unconscious, and another shadowless man stood guard at her door.

“We must leave soon,” Sesshomaru interrupted. “The visit is only to retrieve my father’s sword.”

Kagome’s face fell. A strange sense of hollowness filled her, of being little more than a puppet who had changed masters. “No,” she whispered. “They need to know first.”

“There’s a demon named Naraku who’s behind all this. He was the one demanding youkai relics from my family and then ordered the fire.” She paused and looked at Sango. “He had the relics stolen from your house. He also has Kohaku on his side.”

“Naraku, you say?” Miroku interjected. “Could it be the same Naraku that cast the curse on my ancestor?” He wondered.

She’d forgotten about that. Kagome spied on Miroku’s borrowed arm. It was concealed under a dark bandage, expelling no aura. Still, what if Sesshomaru realised what had been taken from him?

“It’s possible,” she said at last. “I don’t understand what he wants with Inuyasha, though. He had been pressing to chop down the Goshinboku while he was pinned in there…” she trailed off. Kohaku had been adamant about the tree, and it still made no sense to her.

Inuyasha scoffed. “I’d like to see that bastard try-”

“He’s welcome to end your pathetic existence.” Sesshomaru crooned from where he stood outside the bedroom. “Yet first, you will relinquish my sire’s sword.”

Inuyasha bent forward, grabbing the hilt of the weapon with both hands. His fangs were bare as he grumbled “The old man was my father too.” He looked poised to jump, attack, and do something stupid.

“A family dispute,” Miroku remarked under his breath, drawing Kagome’s attention.

“Inuyasha, please just hand it over. Sesshomaru’s clan can keep it safe.” She urged him.

The hanyour growled, drawing back his silver ears. “You have no idea what this asshole is capable of,” he warned her. His attention was on Sesshomaru, and his stance defensive; meanwhile the older youkai regarded him only with amusement.

Something snapped in Kagome’s mind. “Just like I didn’t know you killed Kikyo for the Shikon no Tama,” she accused.

Inuyasha dropped his stance and turned to her, hurt clouding his features. “I told you it wasn’t me!”

“Then who is to blame?” Sesshomaru asked with unfitting calm.

“What about this Naraku?” Miroku offered. His eyes were unfocused, and he seemed deep in thought. “He sets people up against each other, does he not?” He snorted and looked at Inuyasha. “And he doesn’t like you, my friend.”

The floor might as well have dropped out under Kagome. It all made some terrible amount of sense. She looked around the room; all of them were either cursed or wounded, and manipulated against each other.

She stood, feeling more insignificant than she’d ever felt in her life. “I’ll take care of the sword,” she promised Inuyasha, extending her hands to him. His mismatched glare landed on her, and softened, until he conceded.

“Thank you,” she said, as she pulled the familiar weight to her chest. She turned to Sesshomaru, who was already walking out.

“We have much to discuss yet, Kagome sama,” Miroku said from his seat.

She nodded to him and followed outside, holding the sword under her coat. Sesshomaru awaited by the outer door, and this time he walked next to her back to their secret entrance to the hotel. They reached the room in silence, as her mind raced with different possibilities. Just where was the limit to Naraku’s influence?

Sesshomaru helped her out of her coat, but she did not hand him the sword. He looked into her eyes for a moment.

“You withhold your secrets still,” he remarked. In some moment her nervousness about the arm might have shown through. Kagome just stared back; her usual ways to squeeze out lies failed her. “Keep them for now. Soon you won’t be able to,” he warned.

She slept for the few hours they had left until early morning, when Jaken picked them up and drove back to the Taisho Estate. The restless night had its toll on her, and she felt spent and cranky when they got to the main house.

Kimi had breakfast ready for her, in a room with a beautiful view of the snowy forest. A smile pulled at Kagome’s tired face. “Thanks,” she said.

Kimi looked fresh and placid in her many layers of kimono. “It’s customary for the families to share a meal after the mating,” she said as explanation.

The detail was somewhat touching. “Then thanks again.”

Kimi picked the smallest morsel of eel and considered while she chewed. “I was not thankful after my own mating, but at least I was aware of what I had walked into,” she confided with lightness.

The food suddenly lost its taste in Kagome’s mouth. Her eyebrows knit as she turned to Kimi. Her heartbeat shot in an erratic rhythm.

Kimi loosened the collar of her kimono and pulled her silver tresses away from her nape. A collection of crescent moons ran over down her spine, if they could be called that. In truth they were bite wounds, going deep, reaching to her very bones.

Kagome’s ears buzzed; she swallowed with difficulty. Those scars told of violence, of unfairness. She touched the bandaid over her own clean and surgical wound. It might look prettier, but the principle was the same. ‘Soon you won’t be able to keep your secrets’ Sesshomaru had warned, just a few hours earlier.

“You could have said something,” Kagome whispered.

Kimi raised an eyebrow, amused. “I suggested the mating. You paid for your life with your freedom, as I once did.”

Kagome leaned away from the table. ‘I paid for nothing, because I was innocent all along’ she wanted to reproach the demoness. Falling in the anger had its usual appeal; then she wouldn’t have to make sense of her situation.

She closed her eyes. There was too much at stake. Last night Sesshomaru and her had made some progress in unraveling the mystery of Naraku. Whatever their union entailed, she could deal with later. Her stomach heaved.

“The food,” Kagome said weakly, “it’s not just eel is it?”

She heard Kimi hum in agreement. “If you are to live a youkai lifespan, you must eat youkai food.”

Warmth rose from her belly to her mouth, and Kagome vomited all over the tatami floor.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Now I've officially committed all the fanfiction sins: Wrong arm, Kikyo parallels and I bashed the mating mark. The nerve!  
We also need to move forward in strides if I'm to finish this in 25 chapters. Thanks for sticking this far!


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